LOVE MAKES ALL HARD HEARTS GENTLE

 Dear Readers,

I am sorry I have been silent for a while. The past nine months have been excruciating for me, dealing with a deeply personal loss, so my soul has been wretchedly and horribly broken. Many times, I could not even leave the house. Most days, I forced myself into the bath and to get dressed. I asked God to take me, since I'd lost my passion and purpose, no longer wanting to tred this earth without the ONE who calls to my heart. The physical separation with my twin flame (Divine Masculine) has been unbearable. I went through the Dark Night of the Soul, which feels like you've "died a thousand deaths." It also feels like your limb has been cut off and you're perpetually bleeding out, with no end in sight of the pain. I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

But spring is here, April is my birth month, and alas, renewal!

There are things to look forward to, and I feel like I am coming out of that deep depression and mourning. Yes, I have been mourning deeply. Wearing black. Telling the world how broken and sad I have felt. What is the difference between mourning and grieving? Well, MOURNING is the outward expression that you are grieving a loss. It is the expression of an experience of loss or time of grieving that follows a loved one's death or serious loss. Depression, confusion, even losing interest in friends and social activities can occur when someone is in mourning.

GRIEVING is simply the act of going through deep loss and sorrow, and it may be done in public or private, depending on the person's state of mind. It is the FEELINGS you are experiencing over your loss.

I have noticed something very profound in my grief story. No one understands it. I feel so alone at times. When I joined a church recently, hoping to find some like-minded females who've gone through loss and mourning, all I found was complete IGNORANCE and stupidity. They kept doing the spiritual by-passing of "give it to God" or "let me lay hands on you and pray for you." 

Well, that sort of ignorance and mean behavior doesn't work, people! Loss is loss, pain is pain. The person grieving has to go through ALL the stages of that loss, and then PROCESS everything they are feeling. How does one heal from their loss? They acknowledge what they are feeling, then they speak of it OUT LOUD, over and over, til they are sick of talking about it. Then, guess what? One day, you're sick of hearing about your own pain and depression. You somehow come out of the fog and make peace with it, and reach a point of ACCEPTANCE.

Those ignorant people in the church have NO CLUE what loss or grieving is. I was fuming mad, I walked out of there, and a woman in that church had the nerve to badger me with phone calls and texts even though I firmly stated "I won't be coming back." She doesn't get it. None of them do. They dismiss my pain and just say "turn your eyes upon Jesus and let him be the master of your life."

What does that even mean???? Shake my head. They are walking Bibles, quoting verses and statements and ideologies, just like robots, and they can't even FEEL what I am feeling. Hello, are you even HUMAN? Is there a brain in there or a heartbeat? I've never been so angry and furious over one group of people in my life.

Needless to say, my attempt of coming out of my tomb and trying to get a social life again just totally backfired. I realized, though raised in the Christian church my whole life, I am not at all your average garden variety "Christian." I don't fit into the box or the mold of what those sheeple expect me to be. They are just followers with no real thoughts or feelings of their own. They have to be brainwashed into believing something and then somehow that makes it the Gospel Truth? There is also the arrogance so many of them have when they look at me and preach "it must be God's will, not YOUR will."

How do you people even know what God's will is? Do you have a direct line to his mind? Or a USB cable to his thoughts? Are you so chosen and holy that he only speaks to this one group of people? It's pure insanity, the arrogance that has been shoved down my throat. I cannot be in their presence while I am grieving this loss and feeling this hurt. 

Sorry that I went off on a tangent there, but I feel this topic needed to be addressed. Being among that flock just triggered all my old childhood wounds of religious abuse and control at the hands of my sociopathic mother who shamed me and broke me down. The anger that I felt in that congregation just set my temper ablaze and I finally asked myself after four weeks of attending that place, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE ANYWAY?

I wanted to add that the Jesus I know is a gentleman. He doesn't force people to do something or think a certain way. He asks in a gentle voice for you to come to him. 

Love makes all hard hearts gentle, so I've been told. LOVE is what I need right now, not petty judgments or opinions about what THEY think God's will is for my life. The most hurtful thing this church did to me was try and dismiss my love and grief for my Beloved, my Divine Masculine, who is no contact right now with me. "Is he a Believer? Does he know the Lord? Don't be unequally yoked."

What a load of crap! It isn't enough that they kick me while I am down, but to throw salt in my wounds and mock me too...I am outraged!

God's Will IS to have us together. We have a Divine Mission. My Divine Masculine is my soul's counterpart, created by God, for us to come together in UNION. He is the master of this divine plan, for my twin flame and I to experience a beautiful union and raise the vibration of the planet!!!!! 

Separation is necessary for the Ascension process. Both twins must work through their wounding, their past hurts, generational and ancestral pain and karmic ties. Once we heal on our own, we come back together, in a beautiful and sacred UNION that blesses both us and the world. I have finally surrendered this love and given it up to God, knowing and trusting that in perfect divine timing, my Beloved and I will be together at last. There will be holy matrimony. There will be BLISS. There will be laughter again. But most of all, there will be LOVE, so much love.

My desk calendar for April 12th bears a quote that I love (from a man named "George" no less. He was my twin's father, who loved and ADORED me as if I were his own flesh and blood).

The quote says "Love Makes All Hard Hearts Gentle." George Herbert.

I like to revel in this. To sit with it for awhile and let it fully sink in, knowing that my love is powerful enough to soften the hardened heart of my twin flame who is dealing with so much loss (his parents both passed) and dealing with over 32 years of an illness in his body. Soon, I will see the wonderful and blessed outcome of how my compassion for him has helped him heal. That in itself will be a glorious day. When he returns to me, finally, I will welcome my Divine Masculine WITH OPEN ARMS. Because he was made for me, by the pure hand of God, and WE were born of DIVINITY, of that Sacred Fire.

Til then,

dear readers,

I bid you adieu.

Much Love,

RR

TRUST YOURSELF: When All Else Fails, You Can Trust The One Who Knows You Infinitely

 Dear Readers,

I noticed a flashback pop up on my FB tonight, and it was from Sept. 11, 2018. The comment I wrote beside my pic (featured above) was "Today I choose ME. I trust myself." This memory emerging on my page could not come at a better time, after the trainwreck that 2022 has been for me. Oh boy!

But first, back to 2018 for a minute. What a year that was! I landed a full time position at a seniors home, which later in November 2018 brought me the sweetest, most endearing couple, George and Mildred, who sparked inspiration for one of my books. I campaigned with a friend who won a seat on city council, and went to his victory party to celebrate. That was a proud moment, to witness a wonderful human being achieve a worthy dream. I went to a few concerts and enjoyed myself. I published The Christmas Keys. Beautiful memory. My "Hallmark" Christmas love story, I like to call it.

That quote about "choosing me and trusting myself" really hits home right now. I had an unsavory summer and got my heart broken badly. So tonight, I am paying homage to myself for draggin my body out of the pit and learning to make life "normal" again. Not sure if I can after what I've been through, but here goes...

"Today, I choose Me. I TRUST myself. I love myself. There's no one who has a more intimate relationship with me than ME. In this crazy world of commercialism and superficial scams, it's easy to get sucked into beLIEfs that we are not good enough, not smart enough, not hot enough, not sexy enough, not rich enough, etc etc. But here in this moment, I choose me. Because the last person did NOT choose me. They chose instead a career or someone else they deemed more special than me. That's fine. I'm good.  I don't need their validation to make me feel worthy. The only one I need to validate me with is ME. At the end of the day, I know in my heart I did my BEST. I am loved. I am worthy. I AM ENOUGH. In this skin, yes I am enough."

How many times have you let fear and self-doubt creep into your thoughts? When you let that ugly, traitorous voice in your head lie to you about how amazing and capable you really are? Well, stop it. You are a force to be reckoned with. Yes, YOU are unstoppable. Remember all the times you struggled and thought you'd never make it through, yet here you are! Succeeding in spite of it all. 

It's time to give yourself more credit, to trust your instincts, to behold the genius that you are. Which includes embracing your messy parts, and the shadow self you judge, the aspect of you that holds perhaps all your magic and hidden talents. Being human is never a bad thing; it's the components of all that you are and all that you will ever be.

So stop second-guessing yourself and thinking that you are not enough. You are divine. You are a STAR shining your light in this messed up world. That is amazing. That is all you need to be. You have arrived. The world needs you. 

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

LOVING YOURSELF MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD: Focus On Love

 Dear Readers,

It has been said by the great writer of our time, Louise Hay, who is now dearly departed but lives on in our hearts and her ample library of self help writings and new age awareness:

"When you don't know what else to do, focus on love. Loving yourself makes you feel good, and good health is really about feeling good." 

This past year, I've hit a personal crisis. Mental health and emotional health. I lost a job that meant a lot to me. A job working with seniors at a retirement home. I was targeted, bullied and harrassed by management over my bad knee. From February 2021 during my first diagnosis over x-ray of osteoarthritis in the knee, to limping on the job in March and April, to getting a cortisone shot that helped me for three months and then the subsequent pain and limping that followed in September (once that shot had worn off in July), I was targeted by management for my "disability." 

November brought a knee sprain diagnosis, running around a dining hall serving meals to seniors. Two weeks off work, a WSIB claim, and management spreading lies and rumors about me through the building ("it's not a tear, you can't use that language in your insurance paperwork," the nasty, control freak business director screamed at me on the phone. "These agents don't want to pay out the money. I've dealt with these people for a long time, I know my stuff." She went on to brag that her "daughter is a soccer star in Spain, and she tore a ligament and needed surgery." Comparing MY injury to her daughter's? Then invalidating me and shaming me without having the final word from my MRI? How atrocious and appalling, not to mention, completely out of line from a Human Resources point of view. In the end, my agent at WSIB was more than accommodating with all my paperwork, doctor visits and backbiting with staff. He happily refunded every penny to me that was lost on two weeks worth of wages, while being sidelined at home.

I was wait-listed three and a half months for the MRI, from the November booking til the March appointment. To add insult to injury,  a maintenance guy at work got in my face and yelled at me over a broken vacuum (not my fault). He shouted: "you're just lazy and full of shit. All you want is to go off on another insurance claim." This could not be further from the truth. I'd just had an MRI at the hospital on March 1st, and the results came in March 30th, via my booked follow-up appointment with my surgeon. It was a meniscus tear under the knee cap. But the buffoons at the seniors home did not wait to hear back from my MRI results. The manager fired me March 15th and I was devastated.

My work at the retirement home was one filled with love, and I poured that love into every day I spent there, four and a half years of it. The seniors were my "family," and our mutual affection and respect for one another was felt deeply. When job loss occurs, there is a strong mental, emotional and physical downfall that happens. First, the shock that it happened at all. Second, the depression over losing my community and sense of self. Third, social life is nonexistent, and you now have a life that you do not recognize that is waiting at home. It was a bitter pill to swallow, and I would spend the next number of months in deep sorrow, gloom and self punishment. When the first week of August hit, I dragged myself out of bed one sunny afternoon and dusted off the exercise bike that was sitting there being neglected. My first ride was 12 km and 30 minutes clocked. Then, I worked my way up to 16 km and then 18 km for 44 minutes in a session. Four times a week, I forced myself on that bike. "Rochelle, you've got to get yourself out of this slump, or you'll be good for no one. Not even for yourself," my inner critic chided.

Suddenly, I had perspective. I also had something that I'd lost with the job dismissal; MEANING.

As with anything that leaves our life, we have to find our way back to the meaningful part. I attached MEANING now to my daily routine. It was not just getting out of bed at noon (because, what else was there to look forward to?) but it was also the fact that I had an exercise routine. I had my coffee, my oatmeal, and my Tetley lemon tea and three liters of water per day. Get the muscles moving, release those positive endorphins, change my mindset, stop beating myself up, don't be so glum.

To add to the mix of sorrow, the man I love had distanced himself from me over a misunderstanding when a "frenemy" of mine phoned up the funeral home behind my back and badgered my Special Person with demands that he" take Rochelle out to dinner or give it up with

her."

I'd waited 11 months for this beautiful man to come back from the west coast where he lived, and have a wonderful reunion of souls this summer in Southern Ontario, just east of Toronto, while he split his time between the cottage up north and his sister's place, a 10-minute drive from me. Well, after that frenemy sabotaged my Specific Person and me, it was game over. He broke my heart by saying he "didn't want a relationship, I hope you find what you're looking for, I wish you well." I picked up the phone to explain everything and try to tell him my side, but he refused to answer. He ghosted me after that, and I spiralled down into a deep depression for months. This is a man in his '60s who was raised by a good father and mother, and knew better than to lead me on this way. He also has serious health issues that might require surgery down the road, and he'd endured a heart surgery in October 2020, so the drama from that traitorous ex-friend of mine just seemed to be the "nail in the coffin" for us. He won't speak to me.

My heart is shattered beyond repair at the ghastly and devious events that have transpired this year. It has been an awakening that has gutted me, in so many ways, and I have felt paralyzed with the depths of sorrow and heartache. My Specific Person means the world to me; he inspired three of my books, he has seen me through the hardest times of this past year (getting Covid, knee injury, bullied at work, losing the job). He was also my biggest cheerleader when the first book in the "Love Walked In" series was released in July 2021. To put it bluntly, he is my soulmate and I love him with the magnitude of an earthquake and the force of a tsunami. His arrival to my life on Nov 9th, 2018 forever transformed me, and I can't feel anything but massive love and compassion for this incredible man. To say my heart is brimming with devotion for him would be a huge understatement; my heart belongs to him. I don't want to do this life without him. I mean that. 

Back to the "feeling good" part. It was surely a process, and a long journey back to self, indeed. After getting my heart broken and losing the job, my new life is now about caring for my bad knee, updating this blog, seeking a job, and healing my brokenness. Yes, this is the "new normal."

I have every faith that my Special Person will return. He is taking a break, getting ready for a medical procedure out west when he returns home this month (hopefully to put him into remission with his illness) and he is still grieving his parents who both died in early 2020. Hence, the funeral this past July, a celebration of life for his beloved father, who was also one of my own soulmates. He has a weak heart from a heart valve replacement, and that is no walk in the park.

Tell me, in the comment section under this blog, have you ever endured a separation from your Beloved, and how long was that? What was the outcome when he/she returned? What discoveries did you make along the way about yourself? I would be intrigued to know what took place and if there was a happy reunion?

As you know, I am a big fan of the Law of Attraction and I apply it to my life every day. I've seen the massive returns from it, over the course of the last seven years or more.

This road back to Self really is about Loving Yourself. Focus on that love, and it will fill you up so deeply, and will overflow into other areas of your life. It really does all begin with Self. 

I am sending you healing vibes and massive love today.

I hope to hear from those who have reunion stories with their twin flame or Specific Person.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

My Heart is a River

My heart is a river,

rushing forth with emotion so strong

testing the tide

tempting fate

finding the passageway

into your heart

my heart is a deluge,

ever-flowing,

overjoyed,

relentless

impassioned

on the journey

to your westward sky

and open land

where the mountains

touch heaven

and the pines

boast

of God's handiwork.

My heart is a stream,

crystal clear,

and filled with truths

the gods spoke of

centuries ago,

when all this beauty

was yet to transpire

and finally, you are here

like a vision i manifested

from all my secret dreams

My heart is an ocean

it ebbs and flows

so purely

back and forth,

telling of its

yearning

and bringing forth

all the goodness

that your heart

has needed to hear

all this time

Rochelle Renee

9:30 p.m. July 1st, 2021

FINDERS of LOST LOVES

Dear Readers,

SOMEONE has touched my heart --DEEPLY.

He did it many years ago. Unannounced. Without warning, without intention.

I don't think he planned on it. Innocently, he guided and mentored me on a path in which I needed direction. I'd been lost, hurting, betrayed, after a failed marriage blew up and countless other people had failed me. Left me out in the cold. Some of this was partly my fault. I'd forgotten to care for and nurture the NUMBER ONE person who mattered most: MYSELF.

In late 2011, he crossed my path again. We'd first met March 2009 but it was briefly, and I almost missed him! Thank God I slowed down a couple years later, and stopped to enjoy the scenery...and take stock of my life. Because, on a late October afternoon, the 28th to be exact, there he was again! He'd been working in the same office as a person I went to for an appointment. She called him over, and my heart melted. After two and a half years of running from myself, this man caused me to stop and assess everything. Just his presence alone, the kindness and velvety tone in his voice, the charismatic approach and riveting blue eyes, well you get the gist. I was a sinking ship in an ocean of possibilities and wonder.

This person gifted me with THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIFT I could ever hope to receive. He gave me his ATTENTION, his KINDNESS, his GENTLENESS, his TIME, and most of all...VALIDATION... that I was a SOMEBODY. That I truly mattered on this planet.

What emerged from the ashes was a thing of beauty indeed. My once stony heart suddenly blossomed, my writing that I'd long ago had locked away in a box somewhere soon was breathed back to life, and I had a novel that took form in a brief seven weeks, thanks to this wonderful man.

Mister Blue Eyes...let it be said that you've been my Beacon of Light since I met you, and the funny thing is, you never once asked for anything in return but my HONESTY, TRANSPARENCY and ACCOUNTABILITY. All you wanted was for me to SHOW UP with my battle scars, deep wounds, failings and mistakes and my own true self, showing you my soft heart and VULNERABILITY. I cannot tell you what this means to me, after 11 years of knowing you.

I feel a heart once broken has opened the floodgates, and fully opened them to you and you alone.

I know, I know...it's odd isn't it? You're probably smiling at me from the distance and reading this with a smug grin, thinking "here she goes again..."

But the hard facts are there: YOU have been the one CONSTANT thing in my life all this time, that BRIGHT LIGHT shining its luminescence in the dark over trouble waters, guiding me back to the shore.

You might think it's bizarre for me to feel this way, to salute you and praise you the way I do.
Frankly, you deserve it. I've been through a HELL OF A LOT in this life. You've been the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on; that means a king's ransom to me.


There's a part of me that has just unwrapped a searing truth that is blinding and breathtakingly gorgeous: We were loves in a past life. There is no other explanation for this. I have to be honest, I am sorry if that is brutally honest to you.

I just beam all over with the revelation of finding one of my past life soul connections. God, I loved you way back then, and I love you even more NOW!

You even said so yourself, in your own blog, that love is not just reserved for loved ones, and immediate family...but also for those we encounter in everyday life, who impact us, enrich us, inspire us...so here I am, before God and the world, telling you what you mean to me.

What a thrilling revelation, to discover that we met lifetimes ago, and we've met again in this current life. Thank you, my beacon of hope, for showing up just when I needed you. Never stop showing me your kindness, your smile, your warmth. It's what I truly live for in these hard times and a rapidly changing landscape.

I LOVE YOU XOXO.

Now, I leave these songs for you. Dedicated to you and you alone.

Love always,

Your Rhiannon

P.S. The "signs" and pics posted here will be clues that only YOU will get! (wink wink)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71QrBOkCOeo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm0eA5Qi-Rw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jenWdylTtzs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCRwglZgNXI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3EJfIwZr88

Quarantine Days of Romance, Old Soul Music & Other Ponderings

Hello Dear Readers,

Sorry for being quiet and not posting for a while. This whole Covid-19 business has got me a little bummed out.

I'm trying to type some new fiction, and the words are not coming. As I said on another post, the summer is the least productive time for me to create new novels. There's something about the sun, the distractions of life, the atmosphere is different, and I struggle to get "into the groove" of writing anything juicy.

I'm so very much a "fall time and winter girl" -- I love the swirl of the leaves, that crisp scent in the air, and the crystalline, snowy nights -- pure, festive, sensuality that just gets the creative juices flowing. Summer is just not my thing. I miss my summer concerts, and they've all been canceled this year.

But alas! Here I am, still plugging away. TRYING, at least, to get something going.

You can't force the Muse now, can you? That's what I thought. SIGH...

Something inside me WANTS to create more fiction! Do you ever get writer's block? For me, it's when I can't get the motor running, and it takes forever to type a few paragraphs. Usually, distractions, and my A.D.D. is bad these days!

With a coffee beside me, it's late afternoon, and I'm in my "bat cave"-- the cool, dimmed, cozy bedroom with the white desk and I've got my Scentsy warmer on with "Cozy Kitchen" as the scent of the day (a blissful batch of warm oats, with brown sugar and cinnamon swirl). I love me some Scentsy (thanks to my rep Robyn --LOL) and lately have the stockpile flourishing with new scents.

What, may I ask, are you doing to help ease the ache of quarantine? Is there a new hobby you've taken up, or perhaps a new friend you've met?

For me, it's just trying to enjoy life "moment to moment," by appreciating what's left in my life. The people who REALLY MATTER and losing myself in soul music that lets me escape the mundane part of life that I'd rather not deal with.

Today's choice track, the Whispers, from the Bay Area, California, from the album "Open Up Your Love," released June 15, 1977: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZHRGSNmQ1g&list=PL_Z62noe2sfFtHh3Cf-vDDt0Na6KTekZE&index=9&t=0s

Remember, this quarantine won't last forever, better days are coming, don't lose hope, and don't forget to hug those people you love and hold them close (the ones who live with you, of course).

Have a wonderful Sunday funday!!

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

AGAINST ALL ODDS: A BI-COASTAL LOVE STORY FROM CHICAGO TO L.A.

Dear Readers,

The first women's romance novel I wrote in 1993 is about to be published for the first time ever...and I am so AMPED to share it with you!!!

"Against All Odds" is my baby. I penned it as a teenager and it was written from May 19, 1993 to April 20, 1994. Those eleven months were a learning curve. I wrote my little heart out, and I read a LOT of novels to get some experience on the craft, to learn to perfect a complete manuscript.

For 27 years, it sat in a box. Oh, I came back to it, time and time again, to read over the classic lines I'd written. Mainly for my own entertainment, let me tell you.

Sometimes, reading it gave me a little "buzz" of delight over the nostalgia of those blessed days.

I LAUGHED-- a lot, at the cheesy dialogue that needed editing --BADLY.

I GRIMACED -- over the typos and misplaced, over-the-top adjectives I thought I needed to make a successful book.

I CRIED -- over the moments of tragedy and the scenes where my characters DEEPLY connected.

I SWOONED -- over how hunky my music producer hero PETER ADAMS is, and how beautifully he and my heroine STARR TAYLOR fit together. Like a glove.

So, without further ado, on May 19th (the anniversary of the first page ever written, 27 years ago)..."AGAINST ALL ODDS" will be in print!!! 

I can't wait for you to read all about the epic saga of Peter and Starr!

I just know you will enjoy them as much as I do!!

Stay safe -- and as always,

Stay Passionate,

RR xo

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #24 -- Give Thanks for Your Meal and The Company You're With

Dear Readers,

It's Day #24 of the 100 Day Gratitude Challenge. Obviously, I haven't posted EVERY SINGLE DAY of the challenge on this blog, because quite frankly, some of the posts were not as applicable to me, and I'm working a full time job and writing another novel. It's all about JUGGLING and making a good balance of things.

But I HAVE been doing the challenge everyday, personally, and taking note of each point.

Today's is "Give Thanks For Your Meal and the Company You're With." This one is easy.

Yesterday, I took part in the annual family Thanksgiving dinner. It's Mom, Dad, sister and brother and of course, my daughter.

Oh my God! The food!! Pumpkin pie, apple pie, and ice cream!!! Turkey -- massive!! Leftovers too! Vegetables of every kind!! Cranberry sauce, the works!!

Went home feeling stuffed. Had more turkey later that night. I might be "all turkey'd out."

Today, I am thankful for the food I enjoyed and the company was fun.

Now it's a holiday Monday and I'm resting, relaxing and working on the new novel.

Wherever you are, this Canadian Thanksgiving...I hope you  Give Thanks for Your Meal and Thank the Company You're With."

Life is to be cherished -- people are to be loved. Don't let a single day go by without showing and telling "your people" how much they are truly LOVED by you!!

Stay Passionate,

xx RR xx

Day #16 -- The 100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Give Someone A List of Qualities You Like About Them

Dear Readers,

Today is Gratitude Day #16 of the 100 Day Gratitude Challenge.

I'm pleased to be writing about my daughter today. Today's theme is "Give Someone A List of Qualities You Like About Them."

I really can't say enough about this young woman who's grown from a sweet, quiet child into a smart, animator, computer whiz, artist and all-around lovable human being.

What can I say? I'll take credit for raising her as a single mom all these years (wink wink).

My Rachel is an Aries. I am Taurus. That means, from time to time, the "Ram" and the "Bull" might lock horns or butt heads. Come on, it's a given. Fire sign, Earth sign...but it happens rarely.

We're housemates, friends, confidantes, and basically, we just love each other fiercely.

I can't imagine my life without my Rachel Elizabeth. She arrived in April 1999 and my life has never been the same. She's taught me patience, long suffering, how to truly love another human, and many more necessary life lessons. She inspires me daily to never give up, to keep marching to my own drum and to be consistent on my path of self discovery

.

Here's my list of qualities that I love in her:

1) Blunt, honest. Always tells me the truth when I need to hear it.

2) Unconditional love. It's what I need. everyday. She accepts me for me, and I think only ONE other person on this planet loved me that way. May he rest in peace.

3) Independent thinker. She doesn't need anyone to tell her what to think or how to think. She knows what she wants and is clear about it.

4) Funny. Gut-busting funny. Sometimes I spray my beverage across the room when she pulls some comedy on me.

5) Steadfast. She might encounter obstacles, but she never gives up.

6) Compassionate. I've seen her give food or money to a friend at school who was down and out. She's also given money to the homeless. My heart melts when I hear of this.

7) Beautiful, so beautiful, with her clear skin, long hair and blue eyes. Heads turn. I'm proud to be her mama.

8) Happy. I always hear her, howling with laughter over random jokes and funny films she is watching with friends. That makes my heart happy, to know I've raised a happy person.

9) Smart, and not just book smart. Good with money. Careful at budgeting funds. Clever. Street smart.

10) Imaginative, creative, artistic. She can make amazing art on the computer. animation or paintings. I think she gets the artistic side from me, the writer.

Rachel, I Love You. Don't ever change. My heart is full of gratitude to have you as my loving daughter.

I will always be here for you.

Love,

xx Mom xx

The 100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #15 -- Volunteer at the next opportunity in your community

Dear Readers,

I've been busy with my full time day job, and now it's the weekend. Time to post more entries for the 100 day gratitude challenge.

Here we are at Day #15. This one urges you to "Volunteer at the next opportunity in your community."

What a wonderful suggestion this one is! Myself, I pride myself in lending a hand to a good cause, helping someone in need, or perhaps it's just giving your time at a local nonprofit organization.

In the past, I've volunteered at a soup kitchen, went door to door on a friend's political campaign (oh that 36 degree weather and 2nd degree sunburn!), spent eight months handing out canned goods at a food bank, volunteered a year at the Optimist Youth Dance, lent my time in the Santa Claus Parade, did clerical work for a hospice, sorted donations at a thrift store, helped at the Hearts of Durham Gala to raise funds for women's shelters...the list goes on. Volunteering gives us a chance to give back. It boosts our self esteem, it's a chance to network and meet new friends or make new allies in the community. Overall, it's just marvelous. Giving back expands the heart, opens your vortex to abundance, and Paying it Forward is amazing karma! My heart is full of gratitude for the experiences that have dropped me to my knees. The low times and the ecstatic times. I'm certain there is no mistake to the Universe's perfect plan for me. All the good that I have given out -- whether helping a friend cope with his bipolar disorder and encourage him not to end his life, or slip that sandwich and box of chocolates to the homeless man on Christmas Eve -- it will surely find its way back to me, no doubt at all.

What experience, if any, can you share with us of your volunteering?

Please do so in the comments section. I'd love to know your thoughts.

Have a beautiful October weekend, enjoy the blue skies and swirling leaves! The air is cooler, the nights are chilly, and I'm wrapped in my fuzzy blanket, enjoying many a coffee, Chai and Earl Grey tea.

Much Love,

xx RR xx

100 Days of Gratitude Challenge -- Day #9 -- Forgive Someone You Feel Has Done Wrong By You

Dear Readers,

We've reached day number 9 of the 100 days of Gratitude Challenge. Today, your mission is to "forgive someone you feel has done wrong by you."

WARNING: this blog post is about to get personal. It contains information on horrors that I went through and lived to tell.

On January 4th, 2008, my second husband who I will name "Ken" for the sake of not receiving backlash from said person...well, he walked out on me and my young daughter, just days after New Year's and my seasonal job had ended. Yes, you read that right. I was broke, unemployed, penniless, and now, had to find somewhere new to live. The rent was paid up til Feb 28th, so I had about seven weeks to relocate.  Worse, he didn't give me a "reason" why he was leaving -- just that he suddenly "picked a fight" in the kitchen and threw kitchen items around and grabbed his 2 young sons, packed them in the car with a bag of clothes and he said "I'm out of here." Later, I would discover he had been cheating and being dishonest, just six months into the new marriage. Don't worry, he cheated on the first wife too, I soon learned through a mutual friend of many years.

Luckily, my family still had the old farmhouse and it was vacant. I would take Rachel, only, eight, and move "back home." Oh boy, was I bitter!! There I was at 30 years of age, thinking "Oh I have finally ARRIVED -- married (successfully?) a second time, and we had a blended family. Things were looking up for me, finally.

But that's where I made a fatal mistake. I'd gone into yet another marriage completely BLINDED and refused to see the RED FLAGS that were obviously there from the start. What was my excuse? Co-dependency. Being 30 and naive. Refusing to stand on my own two feet for fear and anxiety that I couldn't make it. Okay, i'm taking accountability right here and now for my own choice to get into this mismatched union.

Just ten days before the wedding ceremony, a man driving a van EN ROUTE to church around the corner from my designated church of my planned wedding...the man had a heart attack at the wheel and DROVE RIGHT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR of the church, St. Stephen's, where I was to be married on July 7th! What an omen! How could I not see the warning signs right in front of my face? Because my own stubborn pride refused to see the truth.  I could have spared myself so much PAIN, if I'd only backed out, cut my losses and maintained my sanity.

Sorry for the long post. To summarize, it was a match made in Hell. He swept me off my feet with poems, roses, romantic dinners, talking on the phone til late hours in the night, bringing me coffee in the morning, wanting to INVEST in me. All the things that a woman wants to happen for her, right? But it was LOVEBOMBING -- the typical narcissistic behavior that one does-- COMES ON STRONG -- to blindside their victim, so they can't see the DECEPTION that is really happening behind the scenes. I was that "new supply" that narcs need to feed their ego and soothe their badly damaged self esteem.

Years later, with therapy, research, good mentoring and recovery, I realize I lived through horrors, shame, lies, slander, public humility, mental and emotional abuse, abandonment, financial control and abuse, and poverty. But still -- I don't feel hatred towards this person. I've run into him a few times over the past 11 years since he left. He is bashful, hangs his head, acts like a shy puppy dog, and tries to strike up conversation...I have been diplomatic and kind each time. One of those occasions was at my job at the mall, where I dodged him and hid behind a clothes rack and proceeded to help a customer. Ten minutes later, "Ken" the ex has the nerve to come back into the store and strike up a conversation - "what are YOU doing, working here?"
My reply - "I helped build the store -- and here I am."

All this time, I still felt ...NOTHING for him. No hatred, no emotion, no sadness, not even regret. I think it's safe to say I've reached the point of FORGIVENESS for this person who used to call me his "Queen" and "Goddess" and "the best thing that ever happened to me."

I wish him well, I really do. Last I heard, he'd moved onto a 3rd marriage. I'll leave that one alone.

This post is about FORGIVENESS, and I truly feel, after moving on and up to better things, I do forgive "Ken." He taught me to stand on my own two feet, to not easily trust people as I had back then, to OWN my power, to believe in myself and myself alone, and I became an entrepreneur of sorts, learning to sell furniture and household goods to feed myself and young daughter, so I've become a master of adaptability, tapping into my God-given gifts of sales, leadership, communications, etc.

That old girl back then in 2008....ugh...I don't even know her!! If I met her today, I'd actually feel ashamed and pity her big time. I'd tell her to pull up her bootstraps and GET THIS DONE, GIRL!

"Ken" -- thank you. I am grateful for you abandoning me. I found myself. I found self love. Self empowerment. I found FREEDOM, not being owned by anyone. I discovered I didn't NEED to be married to someone, to feel validation and worth. I was ALREADY somebody.

To all the abused women out there who think they can't stand on their own two feet -- I urge you to take back your power now -- pack up your things and leave that horrible wretch. God will provide for you, just as he feeds the sparrow.  He will make it possible for you and your children to be fed, sheltered and clothed.

Praying for you always,

xx RR xx

100 Days of Gratitude Challenge -- Day #8 -- Tell A Neighbor Why It's Good To Have Them Closeby

Dear Readers,

We've reached day Number 8 of the Gratitude Challenge! Only 92 more days to go!

Today's challenge is..."Tell a Neighbor Why It's Good to Have Them Closeby."

I want to thank my neighbor down the hall, Michael, for being the one -- and ONLY ONE -- to help my daughter and I during a difficult time when we had nowhere to live. This man stepped up (when so-called friends fell short) and he knew me for only five months, and helped us find a place to live. He stuck his neck out there with me, not knowing one way or the other if he could trust vouching for a woman he hardly knew. But I believe he goes on intuition, and it was telling him to just help out for the sake of helping. When I asked why he did help me, he said "because, you're a wonderful woman." That right there melted my heart.

In Southern Ontario, rents have SOARED in the last year. Two bedroom apartments are renting for $1500 to 2100, depending on what part of town you are in, the scale of neighborhood, or if it's just an older building without major upgrades or renovations, or whether it's a condo-style building, etc.

I was blessed to get into this building two years ago, just under the wire, before the rents became outrageous. No one wanted to rent to a single woman with an 18-year-old daughter. Michael spoke on my behalf to the landlord and got us into this place, because he's just the kind of man who has the power and influence to do such a thing, being 6-foot-4, burly and bearded with huge conversational skills. He could probably sell a pencil to an Eskimo, and quite frankly, I am grateful for those skills!

Side note, I have this weird gift for writing about things before they happen. Michael inspired my book "COMING HOME" -- and I wrote it five months before the apartment was found. I really had no idea that he would, just like the hero in the book, help us find a place to live. It's surreal but really wonderful when this happens!

Without him in our lives, this abode would not be possible, or else I'd be waiting a lot longer, due to the nature of the rental market. I'm deeply grateful for you, Michael, and I want to say thanks, from the bottom of my heart.

Your friend,

RR xo

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Ask a Friend Five Things They Are Grateful For

Dear Readers,

We've reached day #7 in the Gratitude Challenge! So far, I've been able to bless co-workers with compliments, random acts of kindness and lots of laughter!

For strangers, it's a smile...holding a door for them, or compliment they never expected.

In doing these random acts, I can already feel the ripple effect of generosity. People around me seem lighter, more cordial, more engaged in connection. There are also those around me who've blessed me with nice compliments, treats or chocolate, and just showing up with a playful energy.
When you put yourself in the position of GIVING OUT, you somehow magically find yourself at the RECEIVING END also. Wonderful how that works, isn't it?

Even my horoscope for today --Sept 27th-- see below-- hints at the good vibes from these generous interactions.

You might ask, what are five things I am grateful for?

1. My daughter Rachel and her abundant love for me. I am blessed beyond measure to have her in my life!

2. My writing gifts, which I can share with the Universe

3. Friends who accept me for who I am, flaws and all.

4. Nature, autumn, everything pumpkin spice!

5.  Good food! I absolutely love food and not ashamed to say it!

So there you have it! Let's hear your five things of gratitude. I'd love to know your thoughts.

With much passion,

RR xo

100 Days of Gratitude Challenge -- Day 6 -- Tell A Friend Something You Admire About Them

Dear Readers,

It's Day Number Six of the Gratitude Challenge.

Today, get out there and partake in this challenge. Tell a friend something you admire about them.

I want to salute my beautiful, creative, resilient writer friend in Tennessee...Ms Lena Reagon.

The link to her books is posted within this blog post. Please support her!! Lena is a kind, authentic and sweet soul!! a major talented not to be missed.

https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-text&rh=p_27%3AL.G.+Reagon&s=relevancerank&text=L.G.+Reagon&ref=dp_byline_sr_ebooks_1

You INSPIRE me, lady!!!

For all you have been through, the storms you have weathered...the shifting sands...the trials...loss of your brother, for the horrors you have suffered...I am deeply honored that you have chosen to be my friend and confidante.

The Universe brought me a unique and wonderful blessing in a soul sister like you!!

You have always supported my writing career... and for that, I am DEEPLY GRATEFUL.

May the sun always shine on you, dear Lena.

May you only know joy, love, laughter and boundless riches!!

Love,

RR xo

The 100- Day GRATITUDE Challenge -- Day #4 -- Say out loud three of your greatest strengths

Dear Readers,

We've hit day #4 for the Gratitude Challenge!

Today, we are saying out loud THREE of our GREATEST STRENGTHS.

Okay, I'll go first...

1. Resilience
2. Passion
3. Patience

There's obviously much more I can add to the list, but I don't want to overwhelm you (wink wink).

I chose RESILIENCE because it's what I've come to know and acquire in the last few decades. Over losses (my Trent's suicide), two failed marriages, jobs that didn't work out the way I wanted them to, plans that fell through (the move to California --sob!!) or people that revealed their wolf faces after dropping the sheep's clothing...whatever it might be...

I learned RESILIENCE...was forced to...because of changing climates and seasons of my life. Am I sorry? Not really. These shifting sands prepare us for heavier times or for titles and positions we have been called to fill. Without the PRESSURE, how is the DIAMOND supposed to be made? I love the meme My Trent sent me before he passed. "You're a Diamond, dear, they can't break you." That man uplifted and supported me like a world class cheerleader and coach!! I am forever changed by his arrival and departure, but always GRATEFUL for the love of Trent Rigel Gardner. Rest in peace, my magnificent music man. XXXX.

Number 2 for my strengths is...PASSION!! Just as the title of my first published book suggests, it is PASSION that has propelled me forward.

Passion to write my books, get up in the morning (even with hypothyroidism and sleep disorder), motivation to inspire people around me...PASSION to keep smiling! to stay the course...to let the world know that I CAN DO THIS THING CALLED LIFE. Yes, Passion is also something you can bring with you to every job interview. I believe it's the main ingredient that has nabbed me the job. Every. Single. Time.

Now, Patience...the third and final strength. Sigh. Had to learn it the hard way. Many seasons of disappointment. Trial after trial, hill after hill, valley after valley, blizzard upon blizzard....well, you get the picture. What was my takeaway from each experience that I was forced to learn Patience? I'd have to honestly say it was just to DROP EXPECTATIONS. Having things pre-planned in your mind sets you up for failure and disappointment, whether it's for that house you planned closing on, that new date you banked on working out (they never called again) or the job offer that fell through (they chose someone more qualified?). Patience has taught me that even in the messiest, hardest times of my life, WHAT'S MEANT FOR ME WILL NEVER PASS ME BY. Solid truth.

Okay, back to the Gratitude thing. Yes, Patience is a virtue, once you learn just why it is a thing for you and why it's good to learn. Because when you're caught in a frenzy trying to do this chaotic life, you literally CANNOT BREATHE and that's when the CLARITY cannot get through to you. Chaos, worry, rushing, hurrying, or any kind of panic will not bring you anything worthwhile or productive. So let yourself SLOW DOWN...BREATHE into the space. allow the convictions and the clarity to come through. Now, what do you feel? Sense? See? Hear?

Patience. Peace of mind. Serenity. Things make sense. Your whole life is going to fall into place now.

List 3 things you are proud of and that make GOOD STRENGTHS for you!  I know you have many...

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

GRATITUDE....SPILLING OVER!!

Dear Readers,

By now, you might have realized in my blog posts that I have begun the 100-day Gratitude Challenge.

Well, tonight my heart is SPILLING OVER...with joy! and MASSIVE, MASSIVE GRATITUDE! Yet another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things has happened today, yet another GIFT to be thankful and proud of.

Tears flood my eyes right now. A treasured friend whom I haven't seen in quite a while just messaged me today and said she's taking me to a VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CONCERT! By none other than celebrated Canadian Country crooner, Johnny Reid!!!!

Lydia...you've made this woman completely and utterly blown away by your kindness. I never saw this coming. Never expected such a beautiful surprise! This is exactly what I've needed. Thank you, from my heart. It's unbelievable.

Working hard for the past two years at a full time, demanding job and still writing my novels, I've immersed myself in "busyness" I think after Trent passed in 2016, as a survival mechanism. We do what we must, to keep trudging on, blazing the trail, moving forward...etc. If there are friends out there whom I've neglected, please blame my head and not my heart. This loss took a MONSTROUS chunk of my heart and my sanity. The long road back to joy, comfort and serenity has been tiring, but I feel a whole lot better now. Nothing prepared me for losing my soulmate, the One I planned forever with. Nothing will fill the gap of Trent's death, and no one can replace him, this much is true. Yet, I'm finding there are ways to REBUILD the life that was broken down and smashed to pieces. Daily, I've taken stock of everything and every little moment that has brought me beauty....as I rebuilt my life from the ground up. Maybe I'm not where I WANT TO BE just yet...but I am surely on my way.

Bouncing back from a major loss takes its toll. I don't think those around me (loved ones and friends) had any idea how crucial and important Trent was to me in the brief 10 months we shared on this earth. Some might have expected me to "just move on" and find a replacement. "Well, it was long distance anyways, and those things never work out." Some of the justifications people stated to me. I think they meant well, and yet didn't really have a clue what the loss encompassed for me.

Three years and three months later, a lot has changed for me. Nothing looks the same for me, nothing at all. Let's see...family home of 35 years was sold off to developer and torn down (another major loss), I was forced to move away from my safe, comfortable and quaint hometown (loss!)...new job arrived too. New faces, new memories to make, new experiences. You know the thing about SUDDEN CHANGE that irks me? It's just so....SUDDEN. For me, that's never been an easy thing. I'm a Taurus...a "fixed" sign. Steadfast, stick in the mud sometimes, and SOLID.  The kind you can depend on. I'm also traditional and wanting to stay in my comfort zone. But then again, no major transformation came from being stuck in the same place for 40-plus years, now has it?

The butterfly had to get her wings. She had to fly, to grace the sky with her pretty wingspan and chart the course by herself and to see new landscapes.

Okay, okay....I shifted gears and went into my gloomy loss story. This blog post is meant to be POSITIVE, uplifting, JOYFUL...

So here goes...

Lydia Jackson, I love you. You're a dynamic woman who has always inspired me to be the best that I can be. I'm not even sure if you realize just how you inspire WOMEN everywhere, but I'm letting you know that this woman has always admired your courage, strength, resilience and creativity. The way you love your family, the method in which you "keep it all together" so gracefully, in spite of life's trials... well, let me tell you, it's a magnificent thing.

Thank you Lydia for being part of my soul tribe. Tonight's gift from you is cherished, and I will treasure it for all time. The hermit in me needs to get out once in a while and experience REAL LIFE, beyond the walls of this cave that holds countless stories and sagas in a writer's brain.

Again, I'm BLESSED with Gratitude. Just in awe, really.

Those who are reading this, I hope you also make your own 100-day Gratitude Challenge and document all the unforeseen gifts all along the way that you acquire. God Bless.

Always cheering for you,

RR xo

100 days of GRATITUDE: Day #2 - Tell A Friend At Lunch Why You're Grateful for Them

Dear Readers,

It is Day #2 of the "100 Day Gratitude Challenge."

Today's challenge is:

"Tell a friend at lunch why you're grateful for them."

Easy to do, right?

Take a special friend for lunch and show them what they mean to you! Perhaps it's that English major buddy who edited your manuscript faithfully...or maybe a good gal pal who has endured some sob stories in the past, or then again, it could be your mentor who helped you through hard times, encouraged you on a job search, or just lent an ear when your partner suicided.

Whatever the case might be or whomever might be on your mind...go ahead and TELL THEM!! Your people need to hear it. They need to know you LOVE THEM!!!

As always,

Stay Passionate,

RR xo

The 100 Day GRATITUDE Challenge

Dear Readers,

Starting Sept 21st, I am taking part in "The 100 Day Gratitude Challenge."

Each day, I will be counting down and noting what I am GRATEFUL for that specific day.

Day #1 begins:

"Write a list of all the positive emotions you've felt today."

1. Grateful
2. Happy for extra sleep
3. Weekend is here! That makes me smile
4. I love my daughter!!
5. I feel BLESSED that my friend Lena is always there for me!
6. I feel EXTRA BLESSED that my soul sister Janet G is always there for me!
7. I love my other soul sister Carol D and she always gives me a laugh when I need it! I feel joyful about her.
8. Happy for my pumpkin spice iced capp today!! and Tim Hortons breakfast sandwich to fill my tummy.
9. REALLY GRATEFUL that I have full time work that not only provides a roof over our heads, but clothing, beverages, treats, coffee, and miscellaneous other things that females need!! Beauty supplies!!! Earl grey vanilla tea...green tea...chai tea!!! The list is endless.
10. I feel ELATED that I have a wonderful mentor and friend for life who is always ready to lend a helping hand or an ear to listen when I need him. Thank you from my heart, MR KELLY GRANT MITCHELL. XOXO

11. I am breathing. I am productive. I am flourishing. I AM SAFE.

Come on, readers. Let's make your own list and see how may POSITIVE emotions you can list.

Cheering for you,

RR xo

FALL TIME IS IN THE AIR...

Dear Readers,

Can you feel it?

That certain Fall Feeling? There's a slight dampness in the air and the nights are getting a bit chilly. Crisp Autumn nights are right around the corner in a matter of days. Soon, in Southern Ontario, we will bask in the changing landscape of smoky skies, the crunch of leaves under foot.

Falling leaves, in orange, lemony yellow, scarlet...

The sunsets will be a nice shade of baby blue with a fuchsia or perhaps blush pink that steals your breath away as it lingers before the sun dips low behind the hills.

Starry nights and clear skies. Sweater weather. Bonfires with their curling plume of smoke that billows to an onyx sky.

A loved one's arms  will wrap around closer than ever to warm you on a chilly night. Perhaps a favorite beverage close  at hand? Peppermint tea or Earl Grey...hot apple cider...or Starbucks Pumpkin Spice (my favorite seasonal drink).

Tonight, I felt inspired by Fall time and pulled out some recipes that were perfect for cooler weather. What did I end up choosing, you ask? Well, I settled on a delicious veggie curry with a side of piping hot rice.

The recipe is in the link at the bottom. I hope you enjoy it like I did tonight!

https://tasty.co/recipe/simple-veggie-curry

My hopes for you this Fall are that you find love or enjoy some playtime to the max! Get out there and revel in the exquisite scenery. Perhaps catch a Fall Fair, music festival, or other community gathering that celebrates the season.

Please don't stay stuck inside...REALLY FEEL THIS SEASON...CELEBRATE!! I know I will be. Every day. It's my absolute favorite time of the year. I only wish it lasted longer.

Cheering for you always,

Stay romantic,

RR xo

PASSION!!! RE-RELEASE!!!! FREE ON KINDLE From July 9 to 13th!!!

Dear Readers,

Get my book PASSION for FREE!!! It's a re-release party for my novel!!!! To celebrate 7 years since its inception....I am offering it FREE on Kindle July 9 to 13th!!!

Grab your copy today!!!!

Much love,

RR xo

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07TX7X4SW