GRATITUDE....SPILLING OVER!!

Dear Readers,

By now, you might have realized in my blog posts that I have begun the 100-day Gratitude Challenge.

Well, tonight my heart is SPILLING OVER...with joy! and MASSIVE, MASSIVE GRATITUDE! Yet another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things has happened today, yet another GIFT to be thankful and proud of.

Tears flood my eyes right now. A treasured friend whom I haven't seen in quite a while just messaged me today and said she's taking me to a VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CONCERT! By none other than celebrated Canadian Country crooner, Johnny Reid!!!!

Lydia...you've made this woman completely and utterly blown away by your kindness. I never saw this coming. Never expected such a beautiful surprise! This is exactly what I've needed. Thank you, from my heart. It's unbelievable.

Working hard for the past two years at a full time, demanding job and still writing my novels, I've immersed myself in "busyness" I think after Trent passed in 2016, as a survival mechanism. We do what we must, to keep trudging on, blazing the trail, moving forward...etc. If there are friends out there whom I've neglected, please blame my head and not my heart. This loss took a MONSTROUS chunk of my heart and my sanity. The long road back to joy, comfort and serenity has been tiring, but I feel a whole lot better now. Nothing prepared me for losing my soulmate, the One I planned forever with. Nothing will fill the gap of Trent's death, and no one can replace him, this much is true. Yet, I'm finding there are ways to REBUILD the life that was broken down and smashed to pieces. Daily, I've taken stock of everything and every little moment that has brought me beauty....as I rebuilt my life from the ground up. Maybe I'm not where I WANT TO BE just yet...but I am surely on my way.

Bouncing back from a major loss takes its toll. I don't think those around me (loved ones and friends) had any idea how crucial and important Trent was to me in the brief 10 months we shared on this earth. Some might have expected me to "just move on" and find a replacement. "Well, it was long distance anyways, and those things never work out." Some of the justifications people stated to me. I think they meant well, and yet didn't really have a clue what the loss encompassed for me.

Three years and three months later, a lot has changed for me. Nothing looks the same for me, nothing at all. Let's see...family home of 35 years was sold off to developer and torn down (another major loss), I was forced to move away from my safe, comfortable and quaint hometown (loss!)...new job arrived too. New faces, new memories to make, new experiences. You know the thing about SUDDEN CHANGE that irks me? It's just so....SUDDEN. For me, that's never been an easy thing. I'm a Taurus...a "fixed" sign. Steadfast, stick in the mud sometimes, and SOLID.  The kind you can depend on. I'm also traditional and wanting to stay in my comfort zone. But then again, no major transformation came from being stuck in the same place for 40-plus years, now has it?

The butterfly had to get her wings. She had to fly, to grace the sky with her pretty wingspan and chart the course by herself and to see new landscapes.

Okay, okay....I shifted gears and went into my gloomy loss story. This blog post is meant to be POSITIVE, uplifting, JOYFUL...

So here goes...

Lydia Jackson, I love you. You're a dynamic woman who has always inspired me to be the best that I can be. I'm not even sure if you realize just how you inspire WOMEN everywhere, but I'm letting you know that this woman has always admired your courage, strength, resilience and creativity. The way you love your family, the method in which you "keep it all together" so gracefully, in spite of life's trials... well, let me tell you, it's a magnificent thing.

Thank you Lydia for being part of my soul tribe. Tonight's gift from you is cherished, and I will treasure it for all time. The hermit in me needs to get out once in a while and experience REAL LIFE, beyond the walls of this cave that holds countless stories and sagas in a writer's brain.

Again, I'm BLESSED with Gratitude. Just in awe, really.

Those who are reading this, I hope you also make your own 100-day Gratitude Challenge and document all the unforeseen gifts all along the way that you acquire. God Bless.

Always cheering for you,

RR xo

FAMILY ISN'T BLOOD: FAMILY IS YOUR SOUL TRIBE

Contemplating a major move here as one big era of my life is ending. It's a huge concept, not one to be taken lightly. I have the courage of a lion, and it's true that I can survive anything. That's just how I roll.

Thoughts of leaving my sleepy bedroom town behind have me very reflective these days. I built a life here, three decades ago. Life blossomed. I rode my first horse here, had my first kiss, gave birth to my only child, not to mention, wrote all my novels here also. Life in this small town shaped my identity and forged my all-encompassing sense of Self.

Bittersweet memories linger. Many photographs have been taken. I find it important to keep a time capsule or some other commemorative ritual. Time is of the essence. Nothing should be lost.

This period of reflection has reminded me that family members have not always supported me. It's unfortunate, but in the constraints of a family dynamic, there is a sense of conformity where most members follow the lead of the dominant parent. Myself? I do not fall into this dynamic. I am the proverbial Black Sheep. Think outside the box? What box?? I like to think of myself as a trailblazer, misfit or rebel. Somehow, following the crowd just doesn't work for me.

People have come into my life who blew any preconceived notions out of my head of what "family" was known to be. Thankfully, they also lit the path for me, with a candle of hope. I grew into who I was meant to be, with a little help from a couple of great mentors.

These days, family is anyone who belongs to my soul tribe. Those who resonate deeply with me, finish my sentences, think and feel like me, accept me the way that I am. The ones who judge, condemn, slander, or put me down --though blood related -- are demoted to a dark corner. They don't get any more precedence. The only legit ones who matter are those who make me FEEL nothing but good vibes and support me--AS I AM.

This year, I started "cleaning house." People whom I had known for a good span of time (say, five years or so) were cut off. No, it's not a question of me being disloyal or anything. On the contrary, it was THEIR choice to not be loyal. To me, anyone who didn't serve me anymore or was not contributing to my greater spiritual growth was hindering me. These people were not even supporting my career or path. It's crucial to take stock of your friend list from time to time, and see who is deducting from your value. Do they make you feel like trash? Then it's high time you gave them the boot.

It's unfortunate, but some family members have no desire to support me or give edifying words that uplift me. If someone is bringing me down, I pull the plug. Really, I have no time or patience for this nonsense.

Family is simply those who love me and build me up. Family is the friend who calls up to take me to lunch "just because" or the person who calls to brighten my day, prompting me to feel like a million bucks. Or just to hear my voice and tell me how much I mean to him.

I want to thank a special man in my life who daily inspires me, supports me, and affirms that I am not only important to him, but I am the key to HIS happiness and abundant future as well. He is determined to profess, provide and protect. His presence is consistent, day after day. I'm proud to put him on my list of those whom I call FAMILY.

I love you T.G.

Finally, to those out there wondering where they stand or if they matter to someone, check the mirror. See the phenomenal person staring back at you. Check your inner compass. It will never steer you wrong. It knows the way. Ditch those toxic family members and "frenemies" who pose as comrades. Seriously. You deserve far better. I mean it.

Cheering for you always,

xo RR xo