LOVE MAKES ALL HARD HEARTS GENTLE

 Dear Readers,

I am sorry I have been silent for a while. The past nine months have been excruciating for me, dealing with a deeply personal loss, so my soul has been wretchedly and horribly broken. Many times, I could not even leave the house. Most days, I forced myself into the bath and to get dressed. I asked God to take me, since I'd lost my passion and purpose, no longer wanting to tred this earth without the ONE who calls to my heart. The physical separation with my twin flame (Divine Masculine) has been unbearable. I went through the Dark Night of the Soul, which feels like you've "died a thousand deaths." It also feels like your limb has been cut off and you're perpetually bleeding out, with no end in sight of the pain. I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

But spring is here, April is my birth month, and alas, renewal!

There are things to look forward to, and I feel like I am coming out of that deep depression and mourning. Yes, I have been mourning deeply. Wearing black. Telling the world how broken and sad I have felt. What is the difference between mourning and grieving? Well, MOURNING is the outward expression that you are grieving a loss. It is the expression of an experience of loss or time of grieving that follows a loved one's death or serious loss. Depression, confusion, even losing interest in friends and social activities can occur when someone is in mourning.

GRIEVING is simply the act of going through deep loss and sorrow, and it may be done in public or private, depending on the person's state of mind. It is the FEELINGS you are experiencing over your loss.

I have noticed something very profound in my grief story. No one understands it. I feel so alone at times. When I joined a church recently, hoping to find some like-minded females who've gone through loss and mourning, all I found was complete IGNORANCE and stupidity. They kept doing the spiritual by-passing of "give it to God" or "let me lay hands on you and pray for you." 

Well, that sort of ignorance and mean behavior doesn't work, people! Loss is loss, pain is pain. The person grieving has to go through ALL the stages of that loss, and then PROCESS everything they are feeling. How does one heal from their loss? They acknowledge what they are feeling, then they speak of it OUT LOUD, over and over, til they are sick of talking about it. Then, guess what? One day, you're sick of hearing about your own pain and depression. You somehow come out of the fog and make peace with it, and reach a point of ACCEPTANCE.

Those ignorant people in the church have NO CLUE what loss or grieving is. I was fuming mad, I walked out of there, and a woman in that church had the nerve to badger me with phone calls and texts even though I firmly stated "I won't be coming back." She doesn't get it. None of them do. They dismiss my pain and just say "turn your eyes upon Jesus and let him be the master of your life."

What does that even mean???? Shake my head. They are walking Bibles, quoting verses and statements and ideologies, just like robots, and they can't even FEEL what I am feeling. Hello, are you even HUMAN? Is there a brain in there or a heartbeat? I've never been so angry and furious over one group of people in my life.

Needless to say, my attempt of coming out of my tomb and trying to get a social life again just totally backfired. I realized, though raised in the Christian church my whole life, I am not at all your average garden variety "Christian." I don't fit into the box or the mold of what those sheeple expect me to be. They are just followers with no real thoughts or feelings of their own. They have to be brainwashed into believing something and then somehow that makes it the Gospel Truth? There is also the arrogance so many of them have when they look at me and preach "it must be God's will, not YOUR will."

How do you people even know what God's will is? Do you have a direct line to his mind? Or a USB cable to his thoughts? Are you so chosen and holy that he only speaks to this one group of people? It's pure insanity, the arrogance that has been shoved down my throat. I cannot be in their presence while I am grieving this loss and feeling this hurt. 

Sorry that I went off on a tangent there, but I feel this topic needed to be addressed. Being among that flock just triggered all my old childhood wounds of religious abuse and control at the hands of my sociopathic mother who shamed me and broke me down. The anger that I felt in that congregation just set my temper ablaze and I finally asked myself after four weeks of attending that place, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE ANYWAY?

I wanted to add that the Jesus I know is a gentleman. He doesn't force people to do something or think a certain way. He asks in a gentle voice for you to come to him. 

Love makes all hard hearts gentle, so I've been told. LOVE is what I need right now, not petty judgments or opinions about what THEY think God's will is for my life. The most hurtful thing this church did to me was try and dismiss my love and grief for my Beloved, my Divine Masculine, who is no contact right now with me. "Is he a Believer? Does he know the Lord? Don't be unequally yoked."

What a load of crap! It isn't enough that they kick me while I am down, but to throw salt in my wounds and mock me too...I am outraged!

God's Will IS to have us together. We have a Divine Mission. My Divine Masculine is my soul's counterpart, created by God, for us to come together in UNION. He is the master of this divine plan, for my twin flame and I to experience a beautiful union and raise the vibration of the planet!!!!! 

Separation is necessary for the Ascension process. Both twins must work through their wounding, their past hurts, generational and ancestral pain and karmic ties. Once we heal on our own, we come back together, in a beautiful and sacred UNION that blesses both us and the world. I have finally surrendered this love and given it up to God, knowing and trusting that in perfect divine timing, my Beloved and I will be together at last. There will be holy matrimony. There will be BLISS. There will be laughter again. But most of all, there will be LOVE, so much love.

My desk calendar for April 12th bears a quote that I love (from a man named "George" no less. He was my twin's father, who loved and ADORED me as if I were his own flesh and blood).

The quote says "Love Makes All Hard Hearts Gentle." George Herbert.

I like to revel in this. To sit with it for awhile and let it fully sink in, knowing that my love is powerful enough to soften the hardened heart of my twin flame who is dealing with so much loss (his parents both passed) and dealing with over 32 years of an illness in his body. Soon, I will see the wonderful and blessed outcome of how my compassion for him has helped him heal. That in itself will be a glorious day. When he returns to me, finally, I will welcome my Divine Masculine WITH OPEN ARMS. Because he was made for me, by the pure hand of God, and WE were born of DIVINITY, of that Sacred Fire.

Til then,

dear readers,

I bid you adieu.

Much Love,

RR

NANOWRIMO 2022: Hit The Target 8 Days Early!!! 50,000 words: The Heart is a River(novel about BC floods) Beautiful British Columbia Fraser Valley

 Dear Readers:

I am so incredibly psyched to share with you tonight that at 8:28 P.M. EST, I completed my beautiful and inspiring Nanowrimo Project for 2022. The targeted timeline was for Nov 30th but I made it with eight days to spare! So happy and proud!!!

This one was a labor of love, inspired by the tragedy of the November 2021 B.C. floods in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, specifically near Abbotsford. 

My heroine, Ria Brooke, lost her home when it was swept away down the river. She has spent the last six years rebuilding her home after the untimely death of her husband, John.

Now, devastated, and waiting on her insurance claim and browsing the rental homes, she is offered a place to stay by dear friends Bill and Laura Everly, who own a ranch and run the youth shelter, a nonprofit organization that provides food, clothes, and lodging for at risk youth. Ria was hired as an admin person at the shelter shortly before the floods came and washed her home away. She considers herself hugely blessed to have such a loving and supportive couple in her life, Bill and Laura, who brighten her days with their compassion, wit and laughter, not to mention, Laura's home cooking and hospitality.

Laura's other talent is matchmaking, and who better to set Ria up with an eligible bachelor type than Laura herself! She has her eyes on the ruggedly handsome older gentleman, a retiree, who volunteers twice a week at the shelter, using his truck to bring furniture to the youth. 

Keir Weston is tall, lanky and impossibly handsome, with his silvery mane and beard, his sultry voice and aloof demeanor. One look from Ria and sparks fly! The only problem is, Keir got badly burned by a bitter divorce two decades ago, and he's kept to himself and doesn't want to be tied down. He finds a kinship with the lovely, evolved woman, though, and feels a stirring in his heart that he thought he would never feel again, and decides to test the waters.

But Ria is vulnerable and scared. She's lost the one man she thought she had forever with, and now she lost her beloved home. Falling for Keir was not her mission, but she can't help but open her heart to the sexy silver fox who seems vulnerable and sad too, under his well-drawn facade.

When New Year's Eve comes, the big bash of the year is held at the Everly ranch, and Keir decides to show up out of the blue. Ria wants to spill her feelings and tell Keir that he is the only man for her, but will he accept her offer of love, or run for the hills and deny them both the love they both desperately need from one another?

The Heart Is a River is a story of hope, heart and healing. It's a passionate story of deep wounds and old hurts coming to the surface. But it is also the story of finding the courage to light the lamp for love just one more time.

I just know you are going to love this heart-tugging story.

Coming soon!!

Much love,

RR xo

FINDERS of LOST LOVES

Dear Readers,

SOMEONE has touched my heart --DEEPLY.

He did it many years ago. Unannounced. Without warning, without intention.

I don't think he planned on it. Innocently, he guided and mentored me on a path in which I needed direction. I'd been lost, hurting, betrayed, after a failed marriage blew up and countless other people had failed me. Left me out in the cold. Some of this was partly my fault. I'd forgotten to care for and nurture the NUMBER ONE person who mattered most: MYSELF.

In late 2011, he crossed my path again. We'd first met March 2009 but it was briefly, and I almost missed him! Thank God I slowed down a couple years later, and stopped to enjoy the scenery...and take stock of my life. Because, on a late October afternoon, the 28th to be exact, there he was again! He'd been working in the same office as a person I went to for an appointment. She called him over, and my heart melted. After two and a half years of running from myself, this man caused me to stop and assess everything. Just his presence alone, the kindness and velvety tone in his voice, the charismatic approach and riveting blue eyes, well you get the gist. I was a sinking ship in an ocean of possibilities and wonder.

This person gifted me with THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIFT I could ever hope to receive. He gave me his ATTENTION, his KINDNESS, his GENTLENESS, his TIME, and most of all...VALIDATION... that I was a SOMEBODY. That I truly mattered on this planet.

What emerged from the ashes was a thing of beauty indeed. My once stony heart suddenly blossomed, my writing that I'd long ago had locked away in a box somewhere soon was breathed back to life, and I had a novel that took form in a brief seven weeks, thanks to this wonderful man.

Mister Blue Eyes...let it be said that you've been my Beacon of Light since I met you, and the funny thing is, you never once asked for anything in return but my HONESTY, TRANSPARENCY and ACCOUNTABILITY. All you wanted was for me to SHOW UP with my battle scars, deep wounds, failings and mistakes and my own true self, showing you my soft heart and VULNERABILITY. I cannot tell you what this means to me, after 11 years of knowing you.

I feel a heart once broken has opened the floodgates, and fully opened them to you and you alone.

I know, I know...it's odd isn't it? You're probably smiling at me from the distance and reading this with a smug grin, thinking "here she goes again..."

But the hard facts are there: YOU have been the one CONSTANT thing in my life all this time, that BRIGHT LIGHT shining its luminescence in the dark over trouble waters, guiding me back to the shore.

You might think it's bizarre for me to feel this way, to salute you and praise you the way I do.
Frankly, you deserve it. I've been through a HELL OF A LOT in this life. You've been the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on; that means a king's ransom to me.


There's a part of me that has just unwrapped a searing truth that is blinding and breathtakingly gorgeous: We were loves in a past life. There is no other explanation for this. I have to be honest, I am sorry if that is brutally honest to you.

I just beam all over with the revelation of finding one of my past life soul connections. God, I loved you way back then, and I love you even more NOW!

You even said so yourself, in your own blog, that love is not just reserved for loved ones, and immediate family...but also for those we encounter in everyday life, who impact us, enrich us, inspire us...so here I am, before God and the world, telling you what you mean to me.

What a thrilling revelation, to discover that we met lifetimes ago, and we've met again in this current life. Thank you, my beacon of hope, for showing up just when I needed you. Never stop showing me your kindness, your smile, your warmth. It's what I truly live for in these hard times and a rapidly changing landscape.

I LOVE YOU XOXO.

Now, I leave these songs for you. Dedicated to you and you alone.

Love always,

Your Rhiannon

P.S. The "signs" and pics posted here will be clues that only YOU will get! (wink wink)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71QrBOkCOeo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm0eA5Qi-Rw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jenWdylTtzs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCRwglZgNXI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3EJfIwZr88

GRIEFWORK AND WHY IT'S NEVER DONE AND OVER WITH

Dear Readers,

Today I feel called to write about grief work and the repercussions of losing a loved one. This post is not meant to celebrate sorrow at all, but rather, to highlight what might encompass the work we need to do in our grief journey.

If you think there's a timeline on your grief, then you are absolutely DEAD WRONG. Grief has no timeline, no COMPLETION DATE, no FINALLY-I-PASSED-THE-FINISH LINE.

YOUR GRIEF IS FOREVER. YOUR LOSS DEEPLY PERSONAL. YOU WILL GRIEVE YOUR LOVED ONE'S DEPARTURE TIL YOU TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH.

I'm not trying to scare you or be melodramatic. I am only speaking truth. Let's be as transparent as possible, shall we?

To say your loved one has passed on and met the pearly gates and poof, they are gone forever is dismissive and rather dull, don't you think? While they walked this earth, they were vibrant, BOLD and celebrated life in all their TECHNICOLOR SPLENDOR, so now tell me...how do you expect them to just be a tiny wisp of vapor in the grand scheme of things? Ancient history in the broad spectrum of the silver screen of life that is pulsing with action and excitement. Please. Spare me.

Let me tell you what I think about this grief work. It's called WORK for a reason. We shift and stumble in our grief journey, we have valleys and peaks, we will crest the highest mountain with joy one moment and be down in death valley the next. One sunny day, we'll think we are "FINALLY PAST IT"and whoopeee!!! I feel so much better!!! I'll never shed another tear again. WRONG. DEAD WRONG. Your grief journey, I am sorry to say, follows you like your own shadow. It's everywhere and down every avenue and alley way.

It's the scent of perfume on a lady passing by or the hint of aftershave on a man who crosses your path and sends your senses reeling back to that moment in time when they were in your arms or closeby in a warm conversation...it's the song that randomly comes on in Safeway as you bag your Granny Smith apples or choose your favorite cereal. Grief work is the random name a passing person calls out in a crowd..."come here Zach" a mother calls out to her tousled haired boy....and you freeze on the spot and feel numb all over, just like the day you found out they'd breathed their last breath and they were never coming back. Or perhaps it's the woman who calls out "Trent" in the midst of your deep thoughts while fulfilling an important errand. It could also be the license plate on a car in front of you that says SANDY22 that suddenly makes the dam bust open and the last 15 years you lost with Sandy come rushing back and you suddenly recall that you've lost many years with your loved one and the kids that she should've raised with you have all grown up right before your eyes and gone off to college! Oh the heartbreak! Oh the sensations! Now the dam has busted and you're trying to wipe your eyes and see the road ahead as you drive. See how real this grief thing is?

Sorry to make the floodgates open all over again. It's just that tonight I've felt convicted to share the feelings in my heart and how my own loss has altered, broken and molded me into the woman that I am today. I have no one else to thank but my Loving Trent who took his life on a sunny Saturday morning at 6:00 a.m. Pacific time on June 11, 2016 in Vacaville, California with a gun in his mouth in his own front yard. Trent Rigel Gardner, the musical mastermind, the poet, the unassuming rock star, the private man with paranoia who suffered in silence, the brilliant, courageous cop, the loving father, the caring soulmate, the provider and protector who fought his demons till the bitter end. He loved me so hard and deeply, was my best friend and confidante, and he loved me JUST AS I AM, the way no one else ever could. Never made me change, never criticized or belittled me, or expected anything other than my own magnificent self.  I celebrate him today and always. For, meeting him has made me a better woman. I've grown, I've cried, I've sobbed like a baby, become a hot mess, was confused and lost, and found my way (gratefully) through my grief journey, and 3 years later, I'm here to tell my story of victory. Trent I love you forever. I'm proud of who I've become through this process and what I've learned. I wouldn't change a single thing and I don't regret loving you.

So you see, this "grief work" is eternal. It never changes and it never goes away. Our loved one(s) walk beside us daily. We learn as we go, pick ourselves up off the ground and straighten ourselves out. We chide ourselves for not being "over it yet" and how dare we cry silently in secret corners or private rooms when we've certainly had "long enough" to process and get over this thing called loss.

Don't beat yourself up and don't you dare chastise yourself for not wiping the slate clean. Your memories, feelings, emotions, love and passion are all VERY REAL AND VALID parts of the grief journey. Embrace who you are, always remember your loved one, and learn to welcome the flood of tears when they come. Because as they say, where there was GREAT LOVE there is also DEEP GRIEF. For sorrow is the price you must pay for loving someone so completely.

Finally, I'm here to commend and salute you for the courage you've shown in your grief work. Bravo!!! Round of applause! Keep going!!! It never ends, but it does get better, I promise you.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

ENTER TO WIN!!! GIVEAWAY FOR THE RE-ISSUE OF MY NOVEL PASSION

Dear Readers,

I'm hosting a giveaway for 5 lucky readers to win a FREE copy of my sensational romance novel "PASSION."

To celebrate the 7th year anniversary since its conception, the giveaway starts February 5th til Feb 12th.

You can enter here:

http://www.rafflecopter.com/rafl/display/8ace7b7d1/?

You will love my romantic comedy "starring" a wonderful, lovable, comedic cast of characters such as the hunky heart throb Keane Mitchell, and the irrepressible Rhiannon Rose, along with her witty daughter Paige, and Rhiannon's hilarious best friends, Lizzi Morgan and Susan, the feisty redhead always up for a good time.

To find out more on this book, please go to Goodreads or Amazon. The original book and blurb is posted there.
https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Rochelle-Renee/dp/1501014323/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1548619327&sr=1-3&keywords=passion+rochelle+renee

Thanks for all your support over the years!

Stay Passionate!

RR xo

Twenty Months Later...YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE

In my life, I've witnessed profound things. I've had joy unspeakable...moments of bliss that stole my breath away. Times when I was in awe of a mighty Creator who'd blessed me with countless miracles.

I've also had moments of sorrow and DEEP GRIEF that dropped me to my knees and sucked the life out of me like a sonic vacuum, rendering me powerless.

One such impact that left me crippled and broken was the loss of my beloved Trent. While this post is not one to garner pity by any means, I simply want to share my "DEFINING MOMENT" that knocked me down and broke my heart wide open. I also want to celebrate the 20 months that have dragged on since Trent died June 11, 2016.

You see, the loss of a loved one is never just about "crying it out of your system," "digging a grave," "having a funeral," or "Let's just move on." Rather, the griever will grieve til their last dying breath. Your loss will be with you forever, let's get that straight right here and now. YOU my dear friend, are allowed to grieve fully and eternally. It's your RITE OF PASSAGE. Just remember not to stay in that pit forever. Allow yourself to grieve, embrace your loss and the subsequent transformation that comes with it, and learn to grow, move forward. Moving forward doesn't mean to forget about him/her, but instead, you find new ways to carry your grief more gracefully. Tucked safely in the chambers of your heart, lingering there in a safety deposit box that only YOU can access from time to time.

Today, on my Trent's death anniversary of 20 months, I found myself contemplating things people said to me when he passed on. They were hurtful things, and many were because people close to Trent were numbed by their own pain, or bitterness toward him. One specific female relative vented over the phone, blaming Trent, saying he "wore masks and played roles for every person he encountered."

Wait...what? You mean to tell me that my love story with Trent was a sham, that he faked the entire blessed thing and it was a facade? Lady, you've got another think coming...

For her to have the audacity to try and rob me of my precious memories and of the EPIC AND PROFOUND LOVE Trent and I shared, well, it's just disgraceful. Whatever grudge she's got against him, let her wallow in that hatred, but please don't drag me down your dirt road. My road is paved SOLID GOLD, with endless love flowing like a fountain of pure fondness, romance, comfort and security.

My memories of this beautiful music man are forever wrapped up in satin...enrobed in joy...encased in friendship...enveloped in eternal devotion that will carry me through endless lifetimes. I refuse to think that some hard-hearted relative of Trent's wants to blur my memories of him and to drag his name through the mud, well that's just NOT ACCEPTABLE!!

Why, after nearly two years do these woman's words ring through my head still, you might ask? For starters, it was nasty and hurtful for her to slander my loved one like that, and secondly, I want this person to know that her attempt to mock our love story and failed attempt to rob me, apparently backfired!

Trent Rigel Gardner, no matter what your family said against you, not one single harsh word or attempt to ruin your legacy will ever sway my opinion of you. You are THE ONLY MAN who ever loved me on this planet, the only one who ever seemed to "get me," and your love left a LASTING IMPRESSION on my heart that is forever shielded by our pact of love together. To this life, and to many lifetimes ahead of us, I salute you, Trent.

Twenty months later...YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE. You awakened the woman in me, you set ablaze the wildness that the world needed to witness, your influence on my lyrics and songwriting really brought a BRIGHT PALETTE OF COLOR to it all. But most of all,
your grande arrival into this humble author's world made the earth shake beneath my feet, while your departure broke me open, took my vulnerability and created a superpower for me. Your death brought a bittersweet beauty to my life that helped me love you even more...if that is even possible.

My Trent...thank you. Times twenty. XXXX

Forever your Queen,

RR xo