The Importance of Legs!! Total knee replacement

 Dear Readers,

With the New Year now upon us, and the recent surgery I have survived, I wanted to share with you the importance of legs. 

Now, you might laugh or scoff at me, say I am silly or redundant. But the truth of the matter is this: legs are life and life is legs.

People around me declared with a big smile and filled me with hope, stating "oh, you'll be fine! Total knee replacement surgery? Piece of cake."

One guy named Bob who is 80 said "They had me up and walking right after surgery and I walked right out of that place."

Another woman in the euchre circle who my boyfriend knows at the Wednesday night card games said "You have Doctor Chhirba? Oh, he's great. You just take the pain meds for three days and you'll be good as new."

What this woman failed to tell me was her dosage of pain meds and what medication was it? Because 5 mg oxycodone gave me a fever, sinus headache, nausea and did not fight the pain. My nerve block apparatus catheter running into my thigh to stop the pain post-surgery had mal-functioned, causing DEBILITATING pain in my knee and entire leg. I experienced pain on a scale of 10 out of 10 and likened it to the intense agony of being in labor with my first child.

December 28th was the surgery and by December 29th I was in full-blown agony that I called the ambulance to take me late Friday night. By 12:51 a.m. December 30th I arrived at the ER to find only one doctor on duty and over 70 patients in the packed waiting room. Running on 26 hours no sleep, I was finally seen by Doctor Adam and sent home with a needle of morphine in my left bicep and prescription for 1 mg morphine pills. There WAS, after all, a God! Ten hours from signing in to the time we called an uber, my ever-patient and kind boyfriend helped me into the car and down the steps (OUCH!).

I've been housebound since Saturday morning, and that is just fine.

Brother James has been a massive help, bringing me water bottles, herbal tea, snacks, and a big red pail to empty my bladder in. "You should've had it by your bedside since day one. Why are you killing yourself running to the bathroom in the middle of the night with that walker? You could fall and hit your head!" His concern was justified and warmed my heart.

Seriously, I've struggled so hard to walk in the last few days. Yes, I am doing the physio exercises just like the book tells me to do, and the first physio appointment is January 5th, but still, the pain and stiffness feels like my knee and entire leg is locking up on me. I feel so helpless! So useless! The simple tasks I did every morning, like wash some dishes, scrub my coffee and tea mugs, prep the hot water with the kettle, and make breakfast for my partner and I...well it's annoying and aggravating that I have to be knocked down a few pegs and basically be stuck in my room 90 per cent of the time.

Icing the knee every hour or so, yes, that too. It works wonders when I start to feel that familiar twinge of pain coming back. It's a nagging ache, especially when I've been on my feet a few minutes and worse at night when I lie down to sleep finally. 

What has saved me? Morphine pills. Oh God, what a lifesaver. Also, the constant support of my partner, who just today ran errands about five times. My phone charger failed, so he ran to get me a new one at the corner store. I had a craving for those soft and yummy Voortman blueberry cookies, well he went out just before his euchre night at the Legion and got me cookies. An hour before that, he went to the pharmacy to pickup my re-filled prescription that my surgeon's office had faxed in today. 

Last night, my guy was wonderful and brought us home takeout dinner of delicious roasted sirloin, complete with a homemade beef vegetable soup. The side dishes were mashed potato and gravy and peas. I'm immensely grateful that God sent me an ideal partner who not only loves me, but has the kindness and willingness to take care of me when I am down and out.

Legs! So important! I want to emphasize how crucial and vital they are. It's not as though I took them for granted, but this experience has been such an eye-opener to what patients must have suffered through during recovery. I mean, what a MAJOR surgery! Total knee replacement. OUCH!

Being housebound isn't really all that bad. I can watch old re-runs of my favorite Chicago PD shows, catch a cheesy Hallmark Christmas film, black and white Perry Mason episodes, or to update my blog. Yes, I am missing my independence of just putting on shoes and painting the town for karaoke. But those days will come again. For now, I need to hydrate, eat, practice self-care and show myself SO MUCH GRACE and compassion for the limited mobility I am currently addressing.

Remember, if you've got legs, never take them for granted and always take good care of them. Your legs are your ticket to a better life, to countless adventures, taking you so many places you have never been before.

I sure hope you enjoyed my spiel and wish all my good readers a Very Happy New Year as you embark on your own exciting times ahead.

Cheers,

RR xo

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY - - GEORGE FREDERICK CHARLES WATSON!!!

 Dear Readers,

Today, on April 20th, I am honoring a VERY SPECIAL MAN who touched my heart with unspeakable joy, warmth, love and camaraderie. George Watson.

Though he passed away April 19, 2020, not a day goes by when I don't wake up in the morning and say "I love you, George." He left his mark on my life, left his tenderness and humor on my heart. People may pass on to the other realm, but they never REALLY leave us. They linger here in spirit, and I can feel George's spirit like the brush of a silk scarf on my shoulders, or the gentle stirring of an April breeze. Whenever I need comfort, he sends me signs, like a dime or nickel with the year for his passing or the year I first met him and his sweet wife, Mildred. Or a man will walk into a store randomly and the shopkeeper will say "George! Good to see you!" Little nudges like that, from spirit, are the things that make my hopeless like heart come alive, even on the gloomy days when I barely muster the courage to get out of bed. 

What is true love and genuine friendship? To me, it is the feeling of being ACCEPTED, SEEN and HEARD. Knowing that I can just be myself, in my own skin, and not have to modify any part of my conversations or put on a facade and pretend I am something I am not. True love is true acceptance, it is feeling a safety and security like nothing else. That is the kind of feeling I always felt from George. That he APPRECIATED me for me, and I didn't have to worry thay my life was not a fairy tale, that I was not a millionaire or drove a splashy car, nor had some big accolade on the wall in a gold frame or a status on a name card to boast about. No, I could be me, simple, loving, playful, quirky, creative, imaginative and sincere Rochelle. Simply me, as I am, as God made me, and that was enough for my friendship with George.

I never felt loved like that before. George had a way of lighting up a room when he walked in, of winning you over with those sparkling eyes and boisterous laugh. He was so damn lovable and REAL!!! Oh the ache I feel everyday, knowing I will never see him stroll up the hallway with his walker again. 

But I can carry him here in my heart, and remember the 17 months I shared with him, as his housekeeper and server in the lunch room at the senior's home. That is something NO ONE can ever steal away from me, not ever. My experience was real, I was loved and adored by that man, and it was not a fictional, made-up story, as some haters have tried to tarnish.

Right in front of his grown up sons in February 2020 in his apartment, when his wife passed, he said aloud about me "I wanna adopt her! She's a KEEPER!" His heartfelt boasting brought tears to my eyes, as I listened from the other room, where I was polishing a bathroom sink. I'd brought him butter pecan tarts and a pie with vanilla ice cream, and he was right in his glory.

Heartily, and with all my love and appreciation, a salute you, Georgy. Forever in my heart, always in my fond memories and warm thoughts.

With love,

Rochelle xo

NANOWRIMO 2022: Hit The Target 8 Days Early!!! 50,000 words: The Heart is a River(novel about BC floods) Beautiful British Columbia Fraser Valley

 Dear Readers:

I am so incredibly psyched to share with you tonight that at 8:28 P.M. EST, I completed my beautiful and inspiring Nanowrimo Project for 2022. The targeted timeline was for Nov 30th but I made it with eight days to spare! So happy and proud!!!

This one was a labor of love, inspired by the tragedy of the November 2021 B.C. floods in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, specifically near Abbotsford. 

My heroine, Ria Brooke, lost her home when it was swept away down the river. She has spent the last six years rebuilding her home after the untimely death of her husband, John.

Now, devastated, and waiting on her insurance claim and browsing the rental homes, she is offered a place to stay by dear friends Bill and Laura Everly, who own a ranch and run the youth shelter, a nonprofit organization that provides food, clothes, and lodging for at risk youth. Ria was hired as an admin person at the shelter shortly before the floods came and washed her home away. She considers herself hugely blessed to have such a loving and supportive couple in her life, Bill and Laura, who brighten her days with their compassion, wit and laughter, not to mention, Laura's home cooking and hospitality.

Laura's other talent is matchmaking, and who better to set Ria up with an eligible bachelor type than Laura herself! She has her eyes on the ruggedly handsome older gentleman, a retiree, who volunteers twice a week at the shelter, using his truck to bring furniture to the youth. 

Keir Weston is tall, lanky and impossibly handsome, with his silvery mane and beard, his sultry voice and aloof demeanor. One look from Ria and sparks fly! The only problem is, Keir got badly burned by a bitter divorce two decades ago, and he's kept to himself and doesn't want to be tied down. He finds a kinship with the lovely, evolved woman, though, and feels a stirring in his heart that he thought he would never feel again, and decides to test the waters.

But Ria is vulnerable and scared. She's lost the one man she thought she had forever with, and now she lost her beloved home. Falling for Keir was not her mission, but she can't help but open her heart to the sexy silver fox who seems vulnerable and sad too, under his well-drawn facade.

When New Year's Eve comes, the big bash of the year is held at the Everly ranch, and Keir decides to show up out of the blue. Ria wants to spill her feelings and tell Keir that he is the only man for her, but will he accept her offer of love, or run for the hills and deny them both the love they both desperately need from one another?

The Heart Is a River is a story of hope, heart and healing. It's a passionate story of deep wounds and old hurts coming to the surface. But it is also the story of finding the courage to light the lamp for love just one more time.

I just know you are going to love this heart-tugging story.

Coming soon!!

Much love,

RR xo

LOVING YOURSELF MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD: Focus On Love

 Dear Readers,

It has been said by the great writer of our time, Louise Hay, who is now dearly departed but lives on in our hearts and her ample library of self help writings and new age awareness:

"When you don't know what else to do, focus on love. Loving yourself makes you feel good, and good health is really about feeling good." 

This past year, I've hit a personal crisis. Mental health and emotional health. I lost a job that meant a lot to me. A job working with seniors at a retirement home. I was targeted, bullied and harrassed by management over my bad knee. From February 2021 during my first diagnosis over x-ray of osteoarthritis in the knee, to limping on the job in March and April, to getting a cortisone shot that helped me for three months and then the subsequent pain and limping that followed in September (once that shot had worn off in July), I was targeted by management for my "disability." 

November brought a knee sprain diagnosis, running around a dining hall serving meals to seniors. Two weeks off work, a WSIB claim, and management spreading lies and rumors about me through the building ("it's not a tear, you can't use that language in your insurance paperwork," the nasty, control freak business director screamed at me on the phone. "These agents don't want to pay out the money. I've dealt with these people for a long time, I know my stuff." She went on to brag that her "daughter is a soccer star in Spain, and she tore a ligament and needed surgery." Comparing MY injury to her daughter's? Then invalidating me and shaming me without having the final word from my MRI? How atrocious and appalling, not to mention, completely out of line from a Human Resources point of view. In the end, my agent at WSIB was more than accommodating with all my paperwork, doctor visits and backbiting with staff. He happily refunded every penny to me that was lost on two weeks worth of wages, while being sidelined at home.

I was wait-listed three and a half months for the MRI, from the November booking til the March appointment. To add insult to injury,  a maintenance guy at work got in my face and yelled at me over a broken vacuum (not my fault). He shouted: "you're just lazy and full of shit. All you want is to go off on another insurance claim." This could not be further from the truth. I'd just had an MRI at the hospital on March 1st, and the results came in March 30th, via my booked follow-up appointment with my surgeon. It was a meniscus tear under the knee cap. But the buffoons at the seniors home did not wait to hear back from my MRI results. The manager fired me March 15th and I was devastated.

My work at the retirement home was one filled with love, and I poured that love into every day I spent there, four and a half years of it. The seniors were my "family," and our mutual affection and respect for one another was felt deeply. When job loss occurs, there is a strong mental, emotional and physical downfall that happens. First, the shock that it happened at all. Second, the depression over losing my community and sense of self. Third, social life is nonexistent, and you now have a life that you do not recognize that is waiting at home. It was a bitter pill to swallow, and I would spend the next number of months in deep sorrow, gloom and self punishment. When the first week of August hit, I dragged myself out of bed one sunny afternoon and dusted off the exercise bike that was sitting there being neglected. My first ride was 12 km and 30 minutes clocked. Then, I worked my way up to 16 km and then 18 km for 44 minutes in a session. Four times a week, I forced myself on that bike. "Rochelle, you've got to get yourself out of this slump, or you'll be good for no one. Not even for yourself," my inner critic chided.

Suddenly, I had perspective. I also had something that I'd lost with the job dismissal; MEANING.

As with anything that leaves our life, we have to find our way back to the meaningful part. I attached MEANING now to my daily routine. It was not just getting out of bed at noon (because, what else was there to look forward to?) but it was also the fact that I had an exercise routine. I had my coffee, my oatmeal, and my Tetley lemon tea and three liters of water per day. Get the muscles moving, release those positive endorphins, change my mindset, stop beating myself up, don't be so glum.

To add to the mix of sorrow, the man I love had distanced himself from me over a misunderstanding when a "frenemy" of mine phoned up the funeral home behind my back and badgered my Special Person with demands that he" take Rochelle out to dinner or give it up with

her."

I'd waited 11 months for this beautiful man to come back from the west coast where he lived, and have a wonderful reunion of souls this summer in Southern Ontario, just east of Toronto, while he split his time between the cottage up north and his sister's place, a 10-minute drive from me. Well, after that frenemy sabotaged my Specific Person and me, it was game over. He broke my heart by saying he "didn't want a relationship, I hope you find what you're looking for, I wish you well." I picked up the phone to explain everything and try to tell him my side, but he refused to answer. He ghosted me after that, and I spiralled down into a deep depression for months. This is a man in his '60s who was raised by a good father and mother, and knew better than to lead me on this way. He also has serious health issues that might require surgery down the road, and he'd endured a heart surgery in October 2020, so the drama from that traitorous ex-friend of mine just seemed to be the "nail in the coffin" for us. He won't speak to me.

My heart is shattered beyond repair at the ghastly and devious events that have transpired this year. It has been an awakening that has gutted me, in so many ways, and I have felt paralyzed with the depths of sorrow and heartache. My Specific Person means the world to me; he inspired three of my books, he has seen me through the hardest times of this past year (getting Covid, knee injury, bullied at work, losing the job). He was also my biggest cheerleader when the first book in the "Love Walked In" series was released in July 2021. To put it bluntly, he is my soulmate and I love him with the magnitude of an earthquake and the force of a tsunami. His arrival to my life on Nov 9th, 2018 forever transformed me, and I can't feel anything but massive love and compassion for this incredible man. To say my heart is brimming with devotion for him would be a huge understatement; my heart belongs to him. I don't want to do this life without him. I mean that. 

Back to the "feeling good" part. It was surely a process, and a long journey back to self, indeed. After getting my heart broken and losing the job, my new life is now about caring for my bad knee, updating this blog, seeking a job, and healing my brokenness. Yes, this is the "new normal."

I have every faith that my Special Person will return. He is taking a break, getting ready for a medical procedure out west when he returns home this month (hopefully to put him into remission with his illness) and he is still grieving his parents who both died in early 2020. Hence, the funeral this past July, a celebration of life for his beloved father, who was also one of my own soulmates. He has a weak heart from a heart valve replacement, and that is no walk in the park.

Tell me, in the comment section under this blog, have you ever endured a separation from your Beloved, and how long was that? What was the outcome when he/she returned? What discoveries did you make along the way about yourself? I would be intrigued to know what took place and if there was a happy reunion?

As you know, I am a big fan of the Law of Attraction and I apply it to my life every day. I've seen the massive returns from it, over the course of the last seven years or more.

This road back to Self really is about Loving Yourself. Focus on that love, and it will fill you up so deeply, and will overflow into other areas of your life. It really does all begin with Self. 

I am sending you healing vibes and massive love today.

I hope to hear from those who have reunion stories with their twin flame or Specific Person.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

Author Interview: Rochelle Renee Featured on The Bookshelf Cafe News

 Dear Readers,

I am thrilled and honored to be featured as the main author profile this week on The Bookshelf Cafe News site.

The link is below:

http://www.thebookshelfcafe.news/author-interview-rochelle-renee/?fbclid=IwAR1bd3yXri833L4pJnmYxSehW_5rj1yUcWS8pubuaVNf8XZej51h2LCnCNc

Thank you to my readers for your continued support.

With much love always,

RR xo

BLUE MOON: a Love Poem

 Blue Moon

In midnight fields/ we frolic and smile/ Once in a blue moon/ a love like this comes along/ Silvery and full/ Bathing the night meadows with a radiance/ Hand in hand/ You guide me/ illuminate me/ head to toe/ I'm surrounded by the glory/ of these wings in flight/ we're two doves soaring/ peaceful/ amid the still night/ crickets and hush/ kisses and whispers/ careful now/ don't wake the sleeping fools/ who do not feel and do not believe/ in Twin Flame love or miracles waking/ so lucky we are/ like hand in glove/ we fit so right/ you fade into me and I into you/breathless, reckless/ the fresh cut grass is jealous/ as we roll together/ passion, abandon, mirth/ the Blue Moon and love's spell/ our aphrodisiac. <3
~Rochelle Renee~

Aug 20, 2013. .
5:11 a.m.

Poem for My Valentine

Poem for My Valentine

Long before I knew you

Before our eyes ever met

or paths even crossed

Before space and time

Aligned us

Together

I knew I loved you

That your spirit was 

out there

floating in the atmosphere

searching for me too

Longing for 

Connection

and kinship

and profound love

Long before this old heart

would conspire

with the Powers

of the Universe

Something within me

Just Knew

That you would 

MANIFEST

Long before I held you

in these lonely arms

Some part of me

always knew

I would find you

And my soul just

Overflows

with the gushing force

of a river

that has been set free

of its own accord

and how BLESSED

I feel!

To know your Divine Love

and the Splendor 

Of You

My sweet, beautiful man

At last, I've found you!

At long last, the tides

have shifted

After the earthquake, storms

and avalanche,

Alas, it's YOU

Divinely imperfect,

sincere, lovable, steadfast,

loyal and supremely generous 

"YOU"-

and my heart cannot contain 

This Joy

For all the angels in heaven

are singing

their hearts out

sounding the trumpets of Glory

and God himself is blessing this

Divine Union

God Bless You ~

Dear Heart~

Finally,

We are One

Finally,

Forever,

Amen xo

- Rochelle Renee- Sat Feb 12, 2022

10:53 am

LOVE ENDURING: THE SEQUEL TO LOVE WALKED IN

 Dear Readers,

As you know, this summer, I launched the beautiful romantic novel "Love Walked In," which was based on a true story.

The unforgettable love affair between Ken and Rileigh, it moved me so deeply, that I couldn't put my characters to bed (pardon the pun) and just close them off forever. I needed to experience them again. Over and over. So I decided to write a TRILOGY!!

Book 2 is called "LOVE ENDURING." It takes place one year after LOVE WALKED IN.

Rileigh is home at her luxury cabin by the river in Mission, B.C., the home she shares with her loving husband, Ken, when she receives a letter in the mail. It's an invite to a wedding in Ontario for her friend Sarah Morgan, who up until now, has kept her nuptials under wraps. Hurt, Rileigh vies to understand why someone close to her would keep such a secret.

What ensues is a trip to Ontario, an adventure of the heart, between lovebirds Ken and Rileigh; he wants her to reunite with her residents at the seniors home, to celebrate their belated one year wedding anniversary at a Victorian bed & breakfast, and to patch up the misunderstanding between besties Sarah and Rileigh. But returning to her native land proves so much more to Rileigh. She will discover truths about her former hometown and the people she loved, she will witness things she never imagined happening, and even more, her love for Ken will deepen.

When the unthinkable happens, Rileigh has to face a truth that could forever alter her life with Ken and shift their relationship, for better or worse. Can she reveal the secret to her beloved? Or will she hold back and endure this on her own?

LOVE ENDURING is the magical story of a timeless love between two souls who were meant to meet no matter how impossible the odds. 

I hope you enjoy this passionate, humorous, and heartfelt love story.

With so much love and gratitude,

RR xo

My Heart is a River

My heart is a river,

rushing forth with emotion so strong

testing the tide

tempting fate

finding the passageway

into your heart

my heart is a deluge,

ever-flowing,

overjoyed,

relentless

impassioned

on the journey

to your westward sky

and open land

where the mountains

touch heaven

and the pines

boast

of God's handiwork.

My heart is a stream,

crystal clear,

and filled with truths

the gods spoke of

centuries ago,

when all this beauty

was yet to transpire

and finally, you are here

like a vision i manifested

from all my secret dreams

My heart is an ocean

it ebbs and flows

so purely

back and forth,

telling of its

yearning

and bringing forth

all the goodness

that your heart

has needed to hear

all this time

Rochelle Renee

9:30 p.m. July 1st, 2021

DESIRE - The Novel - Coming April 2021

 Dear Readers,

I have been faithfully working on a few projects here, amidst my full-time day job, and on weekends I devote my time to writing and music. "Love Walked In" has been another novel in the works, as well as "Falling For Saint Nick." The projected release for all three books is 2021. Thank you for your patience.

"DESIRE" -- my latest labor of love -- was conceptualized in January 2019. 

Just the tiny seed of it, the first love scene, took glorious form at that time, and I set it down for a while to let it marinade. In the Spring of 2020, I began writing again. It's been a tough year for all of us, with the pandemic, family stuff going on, life changes, work, other

stressors, and the collective of humanity going through a massive energy shift.

I felt it was only right to put the writing on the backburner for a bit. My readers deserve QUALITY writing, not specks of details jammed together. Also, I want my characters to fully develop and show up with truth and meaning in the pages of this passionate love story.

My hope is that you love this sexy, powerful novel featuring a loving, vulnerable woman named Reanna Mcleod who has escaped the abusive partner who sent her to the E.R. after a violent episode. She swore it was the last time, and has committed fully to her healing, when the abuser is locked away.

Longtime neighbor Grant Montgomery has always been the featured heartthrob in Reanna's diary. Through the years, she's kept her secret yearning under wraps, out of respect for Grant's wife and for him also. But when Jean Montgomery dies from cancer, Reanna can't help but face her feelings for the sexy professor who's owned her heart all these years.

When the contents of her torrid diary are discovered by a surprised Grant, he vies to unravel the secrets of the lovely woman who lived across the street for 15 years. Not knowing she was so enamored with him makes his pulse race even more. Grant is determined to pursue her, and soon the two are swept into a blazing love affair much hotter than the Sahara!

Will they find their happy ever after, or will Reanna's past rear its ugly head and destroy them both?

COMING APRIL 2021.

Thank you for reading my novels and supporting this indie author since 2013 when "LONGING" was first published and this blog was launched July 26, 2013. I am excited and thrilled to see what this year brings for my career.

Wishing love and peace to you all!

Stay passionate,

RR xo

Happy 59th Birthday in Heaven, My Loving Trent

 Dear Readers,

This is the 59th birthday of my loving Trent, my soulmate, confidante, best friend, and biggest cheerleader.

My heart has a gaping hole that's never healed, since he died June 11, 2016.

I miss him every day, every hour, every minute that he is not here.

Let's wish him the BEST and BRIGHTEST birthday of all time! He is watching over me from heaven, each and every day. How do I know this? He sends me "signs" all the time. 

He leaves me dimes everywhere I go, with the year "2016" on them, to commemorate his passing and so that I will know it's him for sure.

He sends vehicles with the license plate 419 for his police badge or 611 for his death anniversary.

Trent loves me, beyond the grave, beyond all eternity. He sends people to comfort me on my dark days, he sends songs out of nowhere..."I left my Heart in San Francisco"(Tony Bennett)..."Owner of a Lonely Heart"(YES)..."Money"(Pink Floyd)...just to name a few.

He sent a piano player to my work...she plays every lunch hour on the piano, two of my all time favorites..."I Believe" and "You'll Never Walk Alone." Her name is Patricia, a sunny, loving, delightful lady who had no clue these songs got me through painful times in my life. I sobbed when I first heard her gentle fingers dancing across the keys on the piano. I can't even make this stuff up.

Without further ado...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN, TRENT RIGEL GARDNER. MISS YOU. ALWAYS XXXX

Love always,

Your Queen,

RR xo

LET THERE BE LOVE

Let there be falling leaves
from well-worn trees,
towering oaks,
and silver birch,
etched in time
with lines to tell
what they've been through

Autumn's bounty of
crimson, tangerine, gold
Falling, trickling,
Cascading
to the earth like
dreams and stories
we've carried so long
in hearts brimming with
hope & promise

Let there be September and October nights of
smoky skies
and diamonds in our eyes
as we watch the world slumbering
and we sit hand in hand,
under the blanket of love
sharing, loving & caressing
Just two souls
who've found one another
in the lottery of the cosmic path

We are lucky,
oh so lucky
to be here at this moment
Two flames amid
7 billion

I wanna get lost in your aquamarine eyes
and just forget the world
savor every minute of you
like the whip creme on my lips
and the hint of pumpkin spice on my tongue
from the steamed milk latte
you served me today

Let there be September skies of baby blue
with sunlight pouring through
and evening skies of sapphire
when the firewood burns
in old homes across town
while we share a moonlit stroll
murmuring secrets
only we can know

Let there be joy in our hearts
to whisk away the fear
let there be kindness
to chase away the gloom and doom
of this cruel world
let there be laughter
bubbling over from
our happy, kindred hearts

But most of all,
let there be Love.

--Rochelle Renee --
Sept 5 --2020
12:26 p.m. EST

DESIRE: The New Novel Coming Soon in 2020

Dear Readers,

The New Novel is halfway done!!

I am unbelievably STOKED as I write this from my "writing room" in the dark, with a cold beverage, air conditioning, Dirty Dancing soundtrack blasting and my Scentsy warmer on the desk (scent tonight is "Cozy Fireside." Thanks Julie Cooney!!)

My long weekend here in Ontario Canada is spent lovingly working on my fiction that claims my heart and soul.

DESIRE is like a personal diary of sorts for me, except for the domestic abuse that never happened on the physical level, but still...I have experienced abuse on another level, and it is equally disturbing. Write what you know -- best advice I ever received. I feel my books are enriched with stories, people and elements of what I've personally gone through.

BLURB:

Reanna Mcleod moved back to Silver Springs after her husband John Daly broke her bones and sent her to the E.R. He's in prison now and she decides to make a clean break, back to the charming town where she grew up.

But things have changed. Her parents sold off the "Ponderosa" aka the farmhouse and magical land where she flourished in her novel writing, and called it home for 30 years. When her mother's cheque from the realtor came, she nabbed her $1 million, leaving Reanna out in the cold. "You're on your own," her mother sneered, and Reanna scrambled for a place to live. That's when charming sociopath John came along, sweeping her off her feet and promising her a better life with him in a mansion in another city.

Moving back to her hometown, Reanna is blessed to rent the small room above the coach house her school teacher friend Tracy leases to her on her country property. It brings Reanna back to her roots; small town feeling, clean country air, and a chance to write again.

What she didn't count on was running into her former neighbor, Grant Montgomery. Reanna has carried a torch for him for 15 years, and had to stuff her feelings deep down where they couldn't be found. But now Grant's wife has passed from cancer, and Reanna sneaks into the funeral to give her quiet condolences and pay her respects to the lovely Jean, who was always sweet and welcoming to her.

Grant spies her running off as the funeral-goers leave the premise. When he finally locates her and confronts her, Reanna is reluctant to open her heart and tell him the truth about what she wrote in her diary so many years ago. But Grant isn't blind; the smart-as-a-whip History professor of Remington University can see the love and vulnerability Reanna has been trying to hide from him.

Soon, a blossoming romance is coming to life, and Reanna must face her demons or forever risk her chance of real love with the One Man who's been there for her since day one. Can she let go of the horrors of the past, open her heart to Grant, or will she forever blow her chance at true love?

DESIRE is the story of domestic abuse and a woman overcoming her trauma. It's the story of a narcissistic mother who did more damage than good to a loyal daughter. It is the story of friends banding together in hard times, but most of all, it is the story of a passionate awakening between old friends who never knew how deep a love could run.

******************************************************

With much love,

RR xo

FINDERS of LOST LOVES

Dear Readers,

SOMEONE has touched my heart --DEEPLY.

He did it many years ago. Unannounced. Without warning, without intention.

I don't think he planned on it. Innocently, he guided and mentored me on a path in which I needed direction. I'd been lost, hurting, betrayed, after a failed marriage blew up and countless other people had failed me. Left me out in the cold. Some of this was partly my fault. I'd forgotten to care for and nurture the NUMBER ONE person who mattered most: MYSELF.

In late 2011, he crossed my path again. We'd first met March 2009 but it was briefly, and I almost missed him! Thank God I slowed down a couple years later, and stopped to enjoy the scenery...and take stock of my life. Because, on a late October afternoon, the 28th to be exact, there he was again! He'd been working in the same office as a person I went to for an appointment. She called him over, and my heart melted. After two and a half years of running from myself, this man caused me to stop and assess everything. Just his presence alone, the kindness and velvety tone in his voice, the charismatic approach and riveting blue eyes, well you get the gist. I was a sinking ship in an ocean of possibilities and wonder.

This person gifted me with THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIFT I could ever hope to receive. He gave me his ATTENTION, his KINDNESS, his GENTLENESS, his TIME, and most of all...VALIDATION... that I was a SOMEBODY. That I truly mattered on this planet.

What emerged from the ashes was a thing of beauty indeed. My once stony heart suddenly blossomed, my writing that I'd long ago had locked away in a box somewhere soon was breathed back to life, and I had a novel that took form in a brief seven weeks, thanks to this wonderful man.

Mister Blue Eyes...let it be said that you've been my Beacon of Light since I met you, and the funny thing is, you never once asked for anything in return but my HONESTY, TRANSPARENCY and ACCOUNTABILITY. All you wanted was for me to SHOW UP with my battle scars, deep wounds, failings and mistakes and my own true self, showing you my soft heart and VULNERABILITY. I cannot tell you what this means to me, after 11 years of knowing you.

I feel a heart once broken has opened the floodgates, and fully opened them to you and you alone.

I know, I know...it's odd isn't it? You're probably smiling at me from the distance and reading this with a smug grin, thinking "here she goes again..."

But the hard facts are there: YOU have been the one CONSTANT thing in my life all this time, that BRIGHT LIGHT shining its luminescence in the dark over trouble waters, guiding me back to the shore.

You might think it's bizarre for me to feel this way, to salute you and praise you the way I do.
Frankly, you deserve it. I've been through a HELL OF A LOT in this life. You've been the ear to listen and the shoulder to cry on; that means a king's ransom to me.


There's a part of me that has just unwrapped a searing truth that is blinding and breathtakingly gorgeous: We were loves in a past life. There is no other explanation for this. I have to be honest, I am sorry if that is brutally honest to you.

I just beam all over with the revelation of finding one of my past life soul connections. God, I loved you way back then, and I love you even more NOW!

You even said so yourself, in your own blog, that love is not just reserved for loved ones, and immediate family...but also for those we encounter in everyday life, who impact us, enrich us, inspire us...so here I am, before God and the world, telling you what you mean to me.

What a thrilling revelation, to discover that we met lifetimes ago, and we've met again in this current life. Thank you, my beacon of hope, for showing up just when I needed you. Never stop showing me your kindness, your smile, your warmth. It's what I truly live for in these hard times and a rapidly changing landscape.

I LOVE YOU XOXO.

Now, I leave these songs for you. Dedicated to you and you alone.

Love always,

Your Rhiannon

P.S. The "signs" and pics posted here will be clues that only YOU will get! (wink wink)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71QrBOkCOeo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm0eA5Qi-Rw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jenWdylTtzs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCRwglZgNXI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v3EJfIwZr88

What The Christmas Holidays Mean To Me

Dear Readers,

I am posting an essay I wrote tonight about what Christmas means to me. I hope it brings you much joy and reflection on what the holidays mean to you.

Merry Christmas!

RR xo

Remember growing up? You had the curiosity of a cat, always venturing, always questioning...life was a grand adventure and every single day was a mystery to be unraveled, slowly. You loved it, didn’t you? Your little, precocious childlike spirit was always open to the wonder of the Universe, and you truly just let it come to you, one day at a time. Nothing was forced, but rather...RECEIVED...effortlessly.

Remember how simple Christmas was? Most of us didn’t come from a wealthy family, but we fully enjoyed the holidays, because even when money was tight, mom and dad made everything (somehow) seem so special and RICH with love and gifts from the heart.

In Southern, Ontario, I grew up the second born of four kids into a working class family. We didn’t have a ton of money, but we never starved. Sometimes mom got our clothes from the thrift store and nobody cared, because we still laughed, danced and played in style. We had friends who accepted us for who we were, and name brand tags on clothing didn’t affect us in the least bit. It was, after all, the ‘80s and the ‘90s...a time when life was freer than the commercial hype of today.

Christmas was always the sumptuous turkey dinner with all the trimmings...stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, yams, green beans, turnip, corn, hot buttery rolls fresh from the oven...we had mouth-watering, home-baked pies of blueberry, cherry and apple...and delicious vanilla ice cream. Not one person left the table without adjusting a couple notches on the belt buckle! Mom wouldn’t allow it. You were “stuffed to the gills” with all that food. After dinner, we relaxed by the fire and sipped her famous punch, which consisted of a 2 L bottle of 7-Up, a frozen can of orange juice and 1 L of cranberry juice. Just delicious! The other punch she made was a spiced one, eggnog, cinnamon and vanilla ice cream floating on top. My senses were on overload, reveling in all the wonderful scents and flavors of this holiday. I always felt like I was right in my glory.

Snowfall around this time could be abundant. I can recall the snowfall of December 1992 just east of Toronto, in my little village, population 1800. The amount of snow was so significant, the roads were completely bare of cars. You could walk down the middle of the street, and the eerie night time was like a ghost town, save for the glow of the street lamps on the wintry scenery. I loved walking in that winter wonderland! It was the closest to God I’ve ever gotten.

Music in the home was played on the record player, and it was always Amy Grant “A Christmas Album” from 1985, which was by the way, absolutely fantastic! Then there was Burl Ives’ “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” and Mariah Carey’s 1994 masterpiece “Merry Christmas.” So many tender moments of holidays gone by are now flooding my heart as I write this. We always had a white christmas, and went sledding with friends (we had a huge yard and a massive ditch that sloped down -- perfect for tobaganning or the GT snow racer!

Movies viewed every single Christmas Eve on CBC were the classics. First, we’d watch 1949 Little Women, starring June Allyson, Elizabeth Taylor, Margaret O’Brien and Janet Leigh. Right after this, was the 1944 film “Meet Me in St Louis,” starring Judy Garland. On Christmas Day, CBC always aired the 1985 classic “Anne of Green Gables” and I was in absolute heaven, pretending I was Megan Follows as Anne Shirley. She was the first one to make me wish I had red hair! Back then, the holidays were absolutely fun-filled and unforgettable. For once, I’d like to go back in a time machine and relive it. We’d gorge out on ripple potato chips, mom’s homemade french onion dip and a Pepsi. That night, we were allowed to open one present, and it was always a teaser, because even though it was welcomed, we always knew it was not the ultimate one we’d begged Santa for. Mom was always doing her home baking, and the entire kitchen table and counters were covered in flour and confectioner’s sugar. She’d make shortbread cookies, chocolate macaroons, peanut butter marshmallow squares, honeymoon squares, and Nanaimo bars.

My point is...life was a big adventure and the joys we shared were not related to money. Sure, it took money to get the baking supplies and buy the presents, but if we’d been forced to resort to making homemade gifts for Christmas, it would all be received with just as much love and gratitude as any other present would be.

What the holidays mean to me? Peace, love and joy. Lots of food, a barrel of laughs, the company of my favorite people...and just being fully PRESENT in the moment. You see, it’s not about the mountain of gifts or the price tag on the items you get. Christmas was always about the warmth of the fire, watching movies with family and having treats. Our stockings were filled with toiletries, soap, toothpaste and shower gel, a candy cane, a chocolate bar, and that shiny clementine at the bottom.

On Christmas Eve, we had a nutcracker and mom would place a huge glass dish of assorted nuts on the coffee table, so we could crack walnut shells and eat them while watching our favorite seasonal film. I fondly remember those days, and they bring a tear to my ear, because it seems so long ago!

What the Christmas holidays mean to me...just loving those people you love. Showing them what they mean to you, without expecting some monetary thing in return. That’s what I’ll hold close to me as the years go by and my hair turns grey. That’s what truly counts. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Rochelle Renee- Dec 7th, 2019.

6:47 p.m.

NANOWRIMO -- GRAND FINALE!!!

Dear Readers!

We've reached the finish line for the annual novel writing challenge, NaNoWriMo -- or better known as National Novel Writing Month.

I soared through the finish line with my latest labor of love...5 days early. Completed on November 25th at just over 50,000 words..."CALL MY NAME" was brought to fruition.

Now, for the editing time. Drafts one, two, three and four...and so on.

If YOU were lucky enough to finish your novel on time, CONGRATS!!! Even if you didn't make the 50,000 words, kudos to you for creating something beautiful that you loved working on and brought you immense joy.

Being an author is not for the faint of heart. It takes hours, weeks, months, and years of blood, sweat and tears, in order to hone your craft and become better at what you do

It also takes a huge consumption of time to work on a novel. We are definitely an underrated breed, at best, but I would not trade my natural born gifts for the world.

Look for my novel in coming weeks...to be published by KDP.

I salute all the writers who took part in this year's novel challenge. Thank you also to my faithful readers who've supported me over the years and joyously look forward to every new novel that I release.

With much love and Gratitude,

RR xo

NEW NOVEL!! NANOWRIMO 2019 -- CALL MY NAME --

Dear Readers,

November started with a bang! The annual Novel Writing Challenge, which has an acronym called NaNoWriMo -- for National Novel Writing Month -- has me so stoked!!

It's November 17th and I'm already at 42,000 words!!!! Hey now!!!

50k words is the ultimate goal, to be finished by Nov.30th with a complete novel.

Every year, I gift myself with the beautiful offering of a completed love story (first draft, of course). It's the perfect way to get REALLY disciplined and get a novel completed. Rather than to procrastinate and take one's time throughout the course of a year.

Over half a million of us NaNo'ers are taking part in this challenge. I'm always psyched to get to the finish line, but the real fun is in the journey to get there!!! It's all that over-caffeinated, nail-biting, pulse-pounding, key-typing activity that gets the creative juices flowing.

My latest novel is a surefire winner, in the sense that I didn't have to use too much brain power to get it going. I already had the "muse" ready and willing to go. Like a filly on her maiden race at the Belmont, I was "rarin' to go" and chomping at the bit! I've been overjoyed to share my love story of Regan Reynolds and Stephen Silver with the world. I hope you love this power couple as much as I do!!! XOXO

A certain Silver Fox inspired me to craft my current masterpiece. Thank you, S.M., for the wonderful chats, for bringing your Aquarian energy around me and for just...well...making my work days more bearable. You rock my socks!!

To all the NaNoWriMo contenders this year...GOOD LUCK!!! I hope you make it to the finish line with your latest handiwork. If anyone knows how much blood, sweat and tears goes into making a novel, it it surely the NaNo writers every November. Bravo to you!!!

Sending good vibes and much love,

RR xo

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #24 -- Give Thanks for Your Meal and The Company You're With

Dear Readers,

It's Day #24 of the 100 Day Gratitude Challenge. Obviously, I haven't posted EVERY SINGLE DAY of the challenge on this blog, because quite frankly, some of the posts were not as applicable to me, and I'm working a full time job and writing another novel. It's all about JUGGLING and making a good balance of things.

But I HAVE been doing the challenge everyday, personally, and taking note of each point.

Today's is "Give Thanks For Your Meal and the Company You're With." This one is easy.

Yesterday, I took part in the annual family Thanksgiving dinner. It's Mom, Dad, sister and brother and of course, my daughter.

Oh my God! The food!! Pumpkin pie, apple pie, and ice cream!!! Turkey -- massive!! Leftovers too! Vegetables of every kind!! Cranberry sauce, the works!!

Went home feeling stuffed. Had more turkey later that night. I might be "all turkey'd out."

Today, I am thankful for the food I enjoyed and the company was fun.

Now it's a holiday Monday and I'm resting, relaxing and working on the new novel.

Wherever you are, this Canadian Thanksgiving...I hope you  Give Thanks for Your Meal and Thank the Company You're With."

Life is to be cherished -- people are to be loved. Don't let a single day go by without showing and telling "your people" how much they are truly LOVED by you!!

Stay Passionate,

xx RR xx

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #22 -- Make Three People Smile

Dear Readers,

It's Day Number 22 of the 100 Day Gratitude Challenge.

Today, your challenge is to "make three people smile."

This morning, I got a chance to make the FIRST one smile. My mother called me, asking what I wanted to eat at the annual Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey is a given, but she wanted to know what pie I wanted, and the vegetable selection.

As we discussed the vegetables she already had in tow...green beans, potatoes, peas and corn...I made her laugh hysterically over an old story of how my three year old brother stuck corn up his nose and had to be removed in a specialist's office. The image of the doc putting an instrument up his nose and the toddler screaming in horror was enough to make us both laugh. Aren't family memories grand?

Person #2 was my daughter. She laughs at me every day. She thinks I'm cheesy, sappy, clumsy, weird...but overall...and to quote her "Best Mom Ever."

Person #3 was a friend in Baltimore who received my sympathy card in the mail. He lost his son earlier this year, and the card was greatly appreciated.

Friends, if you can, get out there today and MAKE THREE PEOPLE SMILE!

Enjoy your Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and for my American friends... Have a wonderful Columbus Day!

Love,

xx RR xx

100 Days of Gratitude Challenge -- Day #9 -- Forgive Someone You Feel Has Done Wrong By You

Dear Readers,

We've reached day number 9 of the 100 days of Gratitude Challenge. Today, your mission is to "forgive someone you feel has done wrong by you."

WARNING: this blog post is about to get personal. It contains information on horrors that I went through and lived to tell.

On January 4th, 2008, my second husband who I will name "Ken" for the sake of not receiving backlash from said person...well, he walked out on me and my young daughter, just days after New Year's and my seasonal job had ended. Yes, you read that right. I was broke, unemployed, penniless, and now, had to find somewhere new to live. The rent was paid up til Feb 28th, so I had about seven weeks to relocate.  Worse, he didn't give me a "reason" why he was leaving -- just that he suddenly "picked a fight" in the kitchen and threw kitchen items around and grabbed his 2 young sons, packed them in the car with a bag of clothes and he said "I'm out of here." Later, I would discover he had been cheating and being dishonest, just six months into the new marriage. Don't worry, he cheated on the first wife too, I soon learned through a mutual friend of many years.

Luckily, my family still had the old farmhouse and it was vacant. I would take Rachel, only, eight, and move "back home." Oh boy, was I bitter!! There I was at 30 years of age, thinking "Oh I have finally ARRIVED -- married (successfully?) a second time, and we had a blended family. Things were looking up for me, finally.

But that's where I made a fatal mistake. I'd gone into yet another marriage completely BLINDED and refused to see the RED FLAGS that were obviously there from the start. What was my excuse? Co-dependency. Being 30 and naive. Refusing to stand on my own two feet for fear and anxiety that I couldn't make it. Okay, i'm taking accountability right here and now for my own choice to get into this mismatched union.

Just ten days before the wedding ceremony, a man driving a van EN ROUTE to church around the corner from my designated church of my planned wedding...the man had a heart attack at the wheel and DROVE RIGHT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR of the church, St. Stephen's, where I was to be married on July 7th! What an omen! How could I not see the warning signs right in front of my face? Because my own stubborn pride refused to see the truth.  I could have spared myself so much PAIN, if I'd only backed out, cut my losses and maintained my sanity.

Sorry for the long post. To summarize, it was a match made in Hell. He swept me off my feet with poems, roses, romantic dinners, talking on the phone til late hours in the night, bringing me coffee in the morning, wanting to INVEST in me. All the things that a woman wants to happen for her, right? But it was LOVEBOMBING -- the typical narcissistic behavior that one does-- COMES ON STRONG -- to blindside their victim, so they can't see the DECEPTION that is really happening behind the scenes. I was that "new supply" that narcs need to feed their ego and soothe their badly damaged self esteem.

Years later, with therapy, research, good mentoring and recovery, I realize I lived through horrors, shame, lies, slander, public humility, mental and emotional abuse, abandonment, financial control and abuse, and poverty. But still -- I don't feel hatred towards this person. I've run into him a few times over the past 11 years since he left. He is bashful, hangs his head, acts like a shy puppy dog, and tries to strike up conversation...I have been diplomatic and kind each time. One of those occasions was at my job at the mall, where I dodged him and hid behind a clothes rack and proceeded to help a customer. Ten minutes later, "Ken" the ex has the nerve to come back into the store and strike up a conversation - "what are YOU doing, working here?"
My reply - "I helped build the store -- and here I am."

All this time, I still felt ...NOTHING for him. No hatred, no emotion, no sadness, not even regret. I think it's safe to say I've reached the point of FORGIVENESS for this person who used to call me his "Queen" and "Goddess" and "the best thing that ever happened to me."

I wish him well, I really do. Last I heard, he'd moved onto a 3rd marriage. I'll leave that one alone.

This post is about FORGIVENESS, and I truly feel, after moving on and up to better things, I do forgive "Ken." He taught me to stand on my own two feet, to not easily trust people as I had back then, to OWN my power, to believe in myself and myself alone, and I became an entrepreneur of sorts, learning to sell furniture and household goods to feed myself and young daughter, so I've become a master of adaptability, tapping into my God-given gifts of sales, leadership, communications, etc.

That old girl back then in 2008....ugh...I don't even know her!! If I met her today, I'd actually feel ashamed and pity her big time. I'd tell her to pull up her bootstraps and GET THIS DONE, GIRL!

"Ken" -- thank you. I am grateful for you abandoning me. I found myself. I found self love. Self empowerment. I found FREEDOM, not being owned by anyone. I discovered I didn't NEED to be married to someone, to feel validation and worth. I was ALREADY somebody.

To all the abused women out there who think they can't stand on their own two feet -- I urge you to take back your power now -- pack up your things and leave that horrible wretch. God will provide for you, just as he feeds the sparrow.  He will make it possible for you and your children to be fed, sheltered and clothed.

Praying for you always,

xx RR xx