GRATITUDE SUNDAY

Dear Readers,

It's Sunday here in Southern Ontario. The weather is still a bit chilly, Spring is peeking around the corner at me, and I've just completed and sent off THE CHRISTMAS KEYS.

I'm so stoked for Derek and Ronnie's love story!! This one began as a small seed of an idea for the annual "NaNoWriMo" contest that runs every November and beckons 600,000-plus writers across North America to do what they do best...WRITE A COMPLETE NOVEL!! In 30 days, I had just that. THE CHRISTMAS KEYS is my labor of love, my pregnancy come to fruition, and now that it's time to "birth" this baby, I couldn't be prouder!

As the saying goes:"behind every successful person, there is a team or tribe of people who have helped shape that success story."

Here goes my GRATITUDE LIST (in no order of favor or priority -- because I LOVE YOU ALL!!):

***Rachel***your arrival in my life was truly a miracle. I was blessed with the most beautiful, lovable, blue-eyed baby girl. Now you've grown into a woman and I'm proud beyond measure. Love you always XOXO

***Trent Gardner***the soulmate of a lifetime. A dream come true to cherish forever. You gave me California (after dreaming of it for 22 years) & true, authentic love. Your eternal love is my reason for going on with this career. I only wish you were still here to walk this journey with me, hand-in-hand. But I know you are beside me (in another form). Keep sending me signs. I see them all. Love you Rigel XXXX R.I.P.

***Don, Lydia and family***for welcoming me with open arms and supporting me through my loss. You are loved so much!!

***Hinna A***my kindred spirit since kindergarten. You're the Diana Barry to my Anne Shirley. I will never forget your kindness. xoxo

***Donald A.*** for inspiring two novels and for a lifetime of smiles***

***Kelly M. for being the best muse a girl could ask for***you broke my 13 year writer's block. For this, I am ETERNALLY grateful!!

***Derek G***You're a bonafide star, in every way. You inspire me daily to dream big and chase my full potential. Your heart is so full of compassion. I see a lot of myself mirrored back at me. Soon, I hope you'll know just how important your presence is on this world.

***Renee***you've had my back for 13 years. Let's keep it going, dear friend. I love you and your family. Thanks for pep talks and sharing Chinese food with me. I will always be your kindred spirit.

***Carol D***you helped me through the hell of my loss, you're a Goddess, a warrior, a genius and a kindred soul. I can't thank you enough!!

***Cat T***your authenticity, determination, humor, honesty and talent makes me want to take on the world! Love you girl!!

***Robyn***for sticking by me, giving me laughs, reminding me there is still life out there, and for adventures and lattes!!! Thanks a million.

***Natalie***what can I say? We're sisters from another mister. I think I've had the most gut-busting laughs with you. Keep shining. You're a BIG deal in my life.

***Rob & Lorraine***for the music, the memories, the laughs***for always welcoming me like family. You're that golden couple who always reminds me "this is what love looks like." Thanks for everything xoxo

***Tekoa***31 years across the miles!!! We made it!! I'll see you soon!! :)

***Franny Armstrong***for being a talented author who inspires me! For all that you are. You shine a bright light and bring HOPE to every life you touch! Love you girl!

***Jennifer E***your support means the world to me!! One day I'll meet you in person and thank you properly. Thanks for the daily affirmations!! Much love!

***Bradley M***for editing the PASSION manuscript and getting MY VERY FIRST editor to look at my book!! kudos to you! I wish you the best today and always on your writing career. I'm here if you ever need me.

***Marissa C***for letting me win the Town Crier Essay Contest!! My very first win...ever!! You renewed my faith in my writing! I wish you all the very best in your writing career! You're a rockstar and I admire you!!

***Rhea D***your daily insights, wisdom, affirmations and support! I could never go without them! I am so blessed by your friendship across the miles :) Thank you xo

***Lena R***for buying my book, posting an AWESOME review!! And just for being YOU!! I truly love how "REAL" you are. Keep being a strong Goddess!! xoxo

***Glenda***for being there in my time of loss and sharing our love & faith for Trent!! thank you.

***Margie***for being a friend to Trent when he really needed one!! You are a gem xo

***Laurie Larson***for your courageous heart & beautiful soul!! another Trent connection!! One day I'll make it to Arizona!!! xoxo

***Daryl M***for putting me on the radio...so MANY times!! your east coast humor and rockin' music makes me want to get out my "Rocking Chair"...LOL! Thanks for the music :)

***Josephine***for buying my book! For setting the GODDESS standard! For just being you! Thanks so much :)

***Yvonne V***your review of COMING HOME made my day!! Thanks for your support!! I'll cherish you forever!

***FOR ANYONE I'VE MISSED...I'LL BE UPDATING THE LIST SOON***

Enjoy your Sunday!

Stay Passionate,

RR xo

LUCK BE A LADY...

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY....to all the lovers in the world....and to my dear faithful readers who make me smile each time they share a wonderful REVIEW about my books!!!

LOVE AND PEACE to you all XOXO

Stay Passionate,

RR xo

SUBMITTED!!!

This author is smiling for a few reasons...

1. It's St. Patty's Day (Kiss Me, I AM Irish!!)

2. I JUST submitted THE CHRISTMAS KEYS (my latest novel) to a reputable publisher...tonight! at 11:00 p.m. SO AMPED!!! Fingers crossed :)

3. I'm IN LOVE...with my hero....DEREK KEYS. He's "all that" and more!! If he walked off the pages of this book, I would MARRY him in 2 seconds flat XOXO

After much laboring, editing, polishing, scrutinizing, sweating, nail-biting and many cups of coffee...

THE BOOK is finally complete!!! What began as a small seed of an idea in early November 2017...has grown to a 63,000 word novel that makes me grin so huge :)

I want to take a moment and thank THE VERY SPECIAL MAN who inspired my beautiful love story. It has changed my whole outlook on life, and you inspire me daily...to be a better woman, a more dedicated writer, a stand-up kinda gal, a brave warrior, a courageous heart and a fighter.

What I love about you is EVERYTHING. Keep being that solid guy, that champion for human rights, the man who petitions for the homeless of Oshawa, the one who wins awards for Accessibility so that disabled people can find normalcy in their lives, and above all....your BRAVE HEART...for showing up so AUTHENTIC in this life...after losing your precious little girl at age 7.

I commend you so much!!! D.G.!!!! You rock!!!!

See you soon XO

Love and thanks,

RR xo

LOVE is the flame that lights up the world

L.O.V.E. is the flame that lights up the world. In the heart of humanity burns a longing for a connection so blazing and bright, it cannot be denied. So take a chance and open your heart. LOVE someone as hard as you can. Take risks. Laugh out loud. And for God's sake, forge a new frontier. Because courage is at the heart of love. Embrace fear as the biggest prompting to get you on the path to your Brave New World. (R. Renee)

Twenty Months Later...YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE

In my life, I've witnessed profound things. I've had joy unspeakable...moments of bliss that stole my breath away. Times when I was in awe of a mighty Creator who'd blessed me with countless miracles.

I've also had moments of sorrow and DEEP GRIEF that dropped me to my knees and sucked the life out of me like a sonic vacuum, rendering me powerless.

One such impact that left me crippled and broken was the loss of my beloved Trent. While this post is not one to garner pity by any means, I simply want to share my "DEFINING MOMENT" that knocked me down and broke my heart wide open. I also want to celebrate the 20 months that have dragged on since Trent died June 11, 2016.

You see, the loss of a loved one is never just about "crying it out of your system," "digging a grave," "having a funeral," or "Let's just move on." Rather, the griever will grieve til their last dying breath. Your loss will be with you forever, let's get that straight right here and now. YOU my dear friend, are allowed to grieve fully and eternally. It's your RITE OF PASSAGE. Just remember not to stay in that pit forever. Allow yourself to grieve, embrace your loss and the subsequent transformation that comes with it, and learn to grow, move forward. Moving forward doesn't mean to forget about him/her, but instead, you find new ways to carry your grief more gracefully. Tucked safely in the chambers of your heart, lingering there in a safety deposit box that only YOU can access from time to time.

Today, on my Trent's death anniversary of 20 months, I found myself contemplating things people said to me when he passed on. They were hurtful things, and many were because people close to Trent were numbed by their own pain, or bitterness toward him. One specific female relative vented over the phone, blaming Trent, saying he "wore masks and played roles for every person he encountered."

Wait...what? You mean to tell me that my love story with Trent was a sham, that he faked the entire blessed thing and it was a facade? Lady, you've got another think coming...

For her to have the audacity to try and rob me of my precious memories and of the EPIC AND PROFOUND LOVE Trent and I shared, well, it's just disgraceful. Whatever grudge she's got against him, let her wallow in that hatred, but please don't drag me down your dirt road. My road is paved SOLID GOLD, with endless love flowing like a fountain of pure fondness, romance, comfort and security.

My memories of this beautiful music man are forever wrapped up in satin...enrobed in joy...encased in friendship...enveloped in eternal devotion that will carry me through endless lifetimes. I refuse to think that some hard-hearted relative of Trent's wants to blur my memories of him and to drag his name through the mud, well that's just NOT ACCEPTABLE!!

Why, after nearly two years do these woman's words ring through my head still, you might ask? For starters, it was nasty and hurtful for her to slander my loved one like that, and secondly, I want this person to know that her attempt to mock our love story and failed attempt to rob me, apparently backfired!

Trent Rigel Gardner, no matter what your family said against you, not one single harsh word or attempt to ruin your legacy will ever sway my opinion of you. You are THE ONLY MAN who ever loved me on this planet, the only one who ever seemed to "get me," and your love left a LASTING IMPRESSION on my heart that is forever shielded by our pact of love together. To this life, and to many lifetimes ahead of us, I salute you, Trent.

Twenty months later...YOU ARE LOVED BEYOND MEASURE. You awakened the woman in me, you set ablaze the wildness that the world needed to witness, your influence on my lyrics and songwriting really brought a BRIGHT PALETTE OF COLOR to it all. But most of all,
your grande arrival into this humble author's world made the earth shake beneath my feet, while your departure broke me open, took my vulnerability and created a superpower for me. Your death brought a bittersweet beauty to my life that helped me love you even more...if that is even possible.

My Trent...thank you. Times twenty. XXXX

Forever your Queen,

RR xo

GRIEF: ONE TINY WORD WITH MONUMENTAL IMPACT

Dear Readers,

Lately I've been contemplating just how I'm able to get through most days of my life. Some are bright, sunny and filled with hope, while others are dark and barren, murmuring threats of failure and anguish. Sometimes the sadness consumes me out of nowhere, and I find myself struggling to catch my breath and finish the task at hand.

I have been crushed by the bitterness of death that shook me to my bones, made them ache internally and impacted every neuron and muscle in my body. The weight of that loss almost destroyed me. Just when I think, after 19 months, "Oh, I must be OVER IT"...another wave of grief comes crashing to my shoreline, sweeping me into its choppy current, drowning me.

You cannot escape grief. You can run, you can hide, but you CANNOT get away. GRIEF. Such a tiny word, yet it has MONUMENTAL impact on your life. It's in everything you do, every step you take and every breath you breathe. The power of grief is astounding. Once you experience YOUR FIRST TASTE OF LOSS, you will never be the same.

While it's true, each person's loss is as PERSONAL AS A FINGERPRINT, I am finding out, nearly two years later, just how important that statement is to me. Not a single day goes by that I do not think of Trent, or wish he were here. His face is the one I see when dawn's rays of light hit my eyelids each morning. Everywhere I go, he leaves me a dime at my feet. In a random parking lot, in the middle of an intersection, on the sidewalk, or outside the sub shop on my way to grab lunch. The man loves  me so much, even in the afterlife, (bless his heart) he is STILL trying to get my attention! Tears brim my eyes now as I write this. My heart is so full of love for him, that the others who've tried to occupy a space in my heart since Trent's passing...well, they've fallen short. None have passed the iron gate that protects my heart and maintains his memory so deeply.

I've had friends in recent months lose someone who meant the world to them, and honestly, my heart aches for them. It's their FIRST MAJOR LOSS, the one that change their entire perspective about life and death. It's not easy, coming to terms with losing someone you loved. Everyday is a struggle, just to keep it together, to maintain your sanity. I really don't know how I've coped all this time without him. He was my soulmate, my twin, best friend, confidante, shoulder to cry on, coffee buddy, my escape from this mundane world, and he was my GLORIOUS FUTURE, which I'll never get to experience.

Losing someone isn't just about saying GOODBYE, oh no, it's all about all the million little things you cherished and loved about that person. Their goofy laugh, or the way they could cheer you up LIKE NO ONE ELSE, or the thousand memories you have about them, like an epic movie replaying in your head, day and night. You keep staring at your phone, hoping it will light up with their name and number, and your heart soars with the anticipation that you'll answer the call and hear them. But you know deep down, that's not possible. Because it's all a dream, a very bad dream. If only you could wake from this nightmare.

You will be reminded of your loss during future Christmas gatherings, because they are now absent, or the upcoming birthday where they won't be there to see the glittering candles on their cake. It's all about how their wisdom and advice will be missed most of all, when you need them to help you in a crisis, and they simply aren't there. Maybe you'll have a bad day and desperately ache to hear their voice. Your loss reminds you, OVER AND OVER again, that he or she isn't here, and man, IT SUCKS SO BAD. The only comfort in the midst of this ugly truth is that you were LOVED SO MUCH by them, and that is a fine thing indeed. Knowing that a very special human once graced your life and caused you to FEEL so much love and so much depth. It's breathtaking, really.

Now, as I sit here, wipe away tears and try hard to pull myself together, I'll think of My Trent, and I'll smile. Because that's what he would want for me. He would want me to be happy, and to carry on, despite his untimely departure, and I can still hear him grinning at me saying "Hey, Smiley" as we drove hand in hand down Interstate 505 in Northern California, en route to our favorite breakfast place, Black Oak restaurant, and that warm Sacramento sun would give my skin such a radiant glow. Those were the days, ah, yes. Nothing can match them.

I'll always cherish them, forever. Till my dying breath.

I hope you cherish your loved one always. With a monumental love and memory to last all time.

In sympathy,

RR xo

BRAND NEW YEAR!!

Dear Readers,

Yes, I'm a week late posting a New Year's greeting, but hey, better late than never, right?

How was YOUR 2018 launch? Did you make a splash at a swanky party? Dance the night away at a beach side locale? Perhaps you spent it quietly in an intimate dinner party with a few people you love? No matter how you rang in the New Year, my wish is that you did it with PASSION and enthusiasm, because that is what truly counts.

Myself, I spent it with a close friend, and we had grilled Reuben sandwiches, a veggie platter and dip, some nice beverages, candlelight, beautiful music on the local oldies radio channel, and YES, we watched one of my all time favorite movies, "DIRTY DANCING." I've seen that film close to 100 times, and I swear I'll never tire of it. What films do YOU enjoy, time after time? I'd love to hear from you!

Every New Year, I make it a plan to never celebrate the same way twice. One year, my sister and I danced and sang at a karaoke party. That was a blast! Another year, I spent it freezing my toes and fingers off at the outdoor concert by Niagara Falls. But it was well worth it, because Demi Lovato, Serena Ryder and Sam Roberts put on a stellar show.
For 2016, I rang it in at a small, intimate steakhouse called MANKAS in Suisun Valley, California. It was divine! Not only was it the perfect spot to celebrate, but there was a Beatles tribute band, warm weather and the company of my soulmate Trent. This was truly the most unforgettable New Year's Eve of all time, and nothing will ever top that.

For 2018, I decided to keep it low-key. With no one SPECIAL in my life, there was no solid plans to really celebrate to the nine's. The small, cozy meal and good company was sufficient for me. Sometimes, in this busy life, it's best to slow down, take stock of things, and recalibrate.

This year, I have MAJOR PLANS to do something really EPIC with my writing. So, fasten that seatbelt, get ready, because it's going to be a FUN RIDE!!

As always, I want to thank my devoted readers for sticking by me. Your loyalty and support is appreciated.

Stay passionate,

RR xo