Lost Flowers Enroute to a Friend

 Dear Readers,

I admit, I have been absent from this blog for a while, and for that I am sorry. What happened, you might ask? Well, life of course.

Knee surgery last December, a full summer of activities, concerts in the park, other concerts in the big city, and really GOOD food at various restaurants. Just to name a few things that kept me preoccupied. But, with "prep-tober" for Nanowrimo upon us, I am relaxing into "Fall mode," enjoying the scant appearance of Autumn leaves that are emerging here and there in Southern Ontario, and revelling in everything pumpkin spice.

Now, to get to the latest fiasco that happened yesterday. Lost flowers enroute to a friend. I'd used Teleflora to deliver birthday flowers one day early to a dear soul sister of mine in Pittsburgh. Simple enough, right? Browse the many gorgeous arrangements on the colorful website, click on "pay now" and voila! Flowers delivered within five or so hours to my pal.

Simplicity? Ease? No complications? In MY world? Okay, not to mock the universe, because yes, I do count my blessings, and AMAZING things DO occur for me on the daily. I say this in jest, because as a fiction writer, what would life be without a minor roadblock or hiccup in my heartfelt quest to send a sentimental gift to a cherished person? I expect these minor delays, because well, to quote John Lennon, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."

Okay, back to the flowers. They were a magnificent Autumn arrangement with fall-themed accents, black-eyed susans with that yellow pop of color, and vibrant orange roses, along with a pretty ceramic pumpkin vase! Heart-stopping, right?

I'd gotten an email notification that the flowers had been "delivered by hand" to the recipient at 6:43 p.m. Excited for my friend, I texted her to see what she thought of them. Flowers? What flowers, she asked. She had just left her house and run to the store for some errands. NOTHING was on her front porch. I was crushed.

Calling customer service at Teleflora, I connected with a soft-spoken woman named Theresa whose voiced sounded like butter, setting me at ease a little. She put me on hold, investigated, and got back to me. Apparently, the flowers showed at her end that they HAD been delivered to the recipient. My friend lives in a semi-detached house and shares the porch with her next door neighbor, so she inquired with that person. They'd only seen two Amazon deliveries that day, no flowers.

Again, I was disappointed, angered, that my friend did not get her birthday parcel and I had spent $103.00 USD on something I had purchased to brighten her day.

Being one day early with my friend's flowers, there is ONE positive aspect of this kerfuffle. Now I get a chance to remedy the situation and go with one of the other florists in Pittsburgh. Theresa, the customer rep, was so accommodating, that she offered to COMPLETELY refund all my money. But wait, my friend's birthday is the next day, Sept. 28th. She needs and deserves a pretty floral package in which to celebrate her special day!!! 

We agreed on the 50% refund on the lost flowers, Theresa re-ordered a NEW autumn bouquet from a different florist, and now the wait. I sit here Saturday Sept. 28 at noon with coffee in hand, eagerly waiting on the replacement flowers to safely arrive at my bestie's front door. I also got a 30% off coupon for my future order of flowers! How synchronous! In my circle, there are two important birthdays in October!!! This was music to my ears! Thank you, Theresa from customer service at Teleflora! You are a gem of a human!!! (Side note: the expiry on the 30% coupon for future use just happens to be March 27, 2025. My favorite singer Mariah's birthday!!! Synchronicity is SOOO WONDERFUL!!)

Coffee nearby, Aretha singing "I Say A Little Prayer" on my earbuds (totally random You Tube selection by the way. They are choosing songs based on my previous selections of the Three Degrees "Long Lost Lover" and the Stylistics "Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart)." I sure love me some Aretha singing Burt Bacharach on a sunny Saturday! Wow!!!

At any rate, I await the grand arrival of my friend's flowers. I will keep you posted! Thank you for listening.

Isn't that how life is, when you view it in the broader sense? "Lost Flowers Enroute to a Friend" can be an analogy for most of the missed chances we have in this universe. Or for the things we intended to say, but never delivered, to the ears of those we love. All the potential good and inspiring things that we so DESPERATELY wanted to say in the moment to the one we loved, yet we missed the chance because our foolish fear and lack of courage stood in the way, blocking the blessing. Or we were apprehensive because if the words HAD been uttered on our lips or rendered on some pretty stationary with roses, would the recipient laugh at us and toss our heartfelt scrawlings into the trash bin? Would they broadcast to their circle how "weird" and outlandish our gesture was?

Nothing haunts us like the things we wish we'd said, when that person was standing there in front of us, right there in all their glory, waiting to hear our life-changing words that would mean so much. Or perhaps the hug we wish we'd given them and the "I LOVE YOU" that should've left our lips while they were still alive. THAT one is my biggest regret by far (Miss you so much, George Watson).

On this glorious September 28th, I wish you goodness and laughter, loving moments with those you hold dear. Keep shining bright, like that Autumn sunlight beaming through my curtains right now. Love yourself a little harder. Never let anyone steal your joy or cancel your biggest dreams.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

The Importance of Legs!! Total knee replacement

 Dear Readers,

With the New Year now upon us, and the recent surgery I have survived, I wanted to share with you the importance of legs. 

Now, you might laugh or scoff at me, say I am silly or redundant. But the truth of the matter is this: legs are life and life is legs.

People around me declared with a big smile and filled me with hope, stating "oh, you'll be fine! Total knee replacement surgery? Piece of cake."

One guy named Bob who is 80 said "They had me up and walking right after surgery and I walked right out of that place."

Another woman in the euchre circle who my boyfriend knows at the Wednesday night card games said "You have Doctor Chhirba? Oh, he's great. You just take the pain meds for three days and you'll be good as new."

What this woman failed to tell me was her dosage of pain meds and what medication was it? Because 5 mg oxycodone gave me a fever, sinus headache, nausea and did not fight the pain. My nerve block apparatus catheter running into my thigh to stop the pain post-surgery had mal-functioned, causing DEBILITATING pain in my knee and entire leg. I experienced pain on a scale of 10 out of 10 and likened it to the intense agony of being in labor with my first child.

December 28th was the surgery and by December 29th I was in full-blown agony that I called the ambulance to take me late Friday night. By 12:51 a.m. December 30th I arrived at the ER to find only one doctor on duty and over 70 patients in the packed waiting room. Running on 26 hours no sleep, I was finally seen by Doctor Adam and sent home with a needle of morphine in my left bicep and prescription for 1 mg morphine pills. There WAS, after all, a God! Ten hours from signing in to the time we called an uber, my ever-patient and kind boyfriend helped me into the car and down the steps (OUCH!).

I've been housebound since Saturday morning, and that is just fine.

Brother James has been a massive help, bringing me water bottles, herbal tea, snacks, and a big red pail to empty my bladder in. "You should've had it by your bedside since day one. Why are you killing yourself running to the bathroom in the middle of the night with that walker? You could fall and hit your head!" His concern was justified and warmed my heart.

Seriously, I've struggled so hard to walk in the last few days. Yes, I am doing the physio exercises just like the book tells me to do, and the first physio appointment is January 5th, but still, the pain and stiffness feels like my knee and entire leg is locking up on me. I feel so helpless! So useless! The simple tasks I did every morning, like wash some dishes, scrub my coffee and tea mugs, prep the hot water with the kettle, and make breakfast for my partner and I...well it's annoying and aggravating that I have to be knocked down a few pegs and basically be stuck in my room 90 per cent of the time.

Icing the knee every hour or so, yes, that too. It works wonders when I start to feel that familiar twinge of pain coming back. It's a nagging ache, especially when I've been on my feet a few minutes and worse at night when I lie down to sleep finally. 

What has saved me? Morphine pills. Oh God, what a lifesaver. Also, the constant support of my partner, who just today ran errands about five times. My phone charger failed, so he ran to get me a new one at the corner store. I had a craving for those soft and yummy Voortman blueberry cookies, well he went out just before his euchre night at the Legion and got me cookies. An hour before that, he went to the pharmacy to pickup my re-filled prescription that my surgeon's office had faxed in today. 

Last night, my guy was wonderful and brought us home takeout dinner of delicious roasted sirloin, complete with a homemade beef vegetable soup. The side dishes were mashed potato and gravy and peas. I'm immensely grateful that God sent me an ideal partner who not only loves me, but has the kindness and willingness to take care of me when I am down and out.

Legs! So important! I want to emphasize how crucial and vital they are. It's not as though I took them for granted, but this experience has been such an eye-opener to what patients must have suffered through during recovery. I mean, what a MAJOR surgery! Total knee replacement. OUCH!

Being housebound isn't really all that bad. I can watch old re-runs of my favorite Chicago PD shows, catch a cheesy Hallmark Christmas film, black and white Perry Mason episodes, or to update my blog. Yes, I am missing my independence of just putting on shoes and painting the town for karaoke. But those days will come again. For now, I need to hydrate, eat, practice self-care and show myself SO MUCH GRACE and compassion for the limited mobility I am currently addressing.

Remember, if you've got legs, never take them for granted and always take good care of them. Your legs are your ticket to a better life, to countless adventures, taking you so many places you have never been before.

I sure hope you enjoyed my spiel and wish all my good readers a Very Happy New Year as you embark on your own exciting times ahead.

Cheers,

RR xo

LOVE POEM: Love is SAYING YES -- Even In The Hard Times

I LOVED YOU

long before I ever met you.

Long before I ever knew

the contours

of your face

Before I ever wrapped my arms

around your waist;

Before I ever Knew

what made you

laugh or cry,

scared or feel alone.

I loved you long before I said

YES!

YES

to your kisses

and comforting embrace

YES

to snuggling with you

and making love with you

YES

to spending the rest of my life

with you.

But what I am discovering lately

is this:

The funny thing about love

is that you have to

keep saying

YES.

YES

to trash night

and cleaning the bathroom.

YES

to sharing a bank account

and a mortgage.

YES

to long labors

and sleepless nights

YES

to unexpected losses

and missed opportunities

YES

to being vulnerable

and choosing to join each other

when we'd rather jump ship.

We have to say yes --

to all of it --

the happy and ecstatic moments

as well as the sad and mournful moments

We have to keep saying yes

year after year --

and sometimes

minute by minute!

We have to choose to say yes,

this moment,

this breath.

So on the day I stand

in front of family and friends,

I'll say yes to you --

in that moment,

with that breath,

and all the breaths

I am to have.

--LISA A. MCCROHAN--

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY - - GEORGE FREDERICK CHARLES WATSON!!!

 Dear Readers,

Today, on April 20th, I am honoring a VERY SPECIAL MAN who touched my heart with unspeakable joy, warmth, love and camaraderie. George Watson.

Though he passed away April 19, 2020, not a day goes by when I don't wake up in the morning and say "I love you, George." He left his mark on my life, left his tenderness and humor on my heart. People may pass on to the other realm, but they never REALLY leave us. They linger here in spirit, and I can feel George's spirit like the brush of a silk scarf on my shoulders, or the gentle stirring of an April breeze. Whenever I need comfort, he sends me signs, like a dime or nickel with the year for his passing or the year I first met him and his sweet wife, Mildred. Or a man will walk into a store randomly and the shopkeeper will say "George! Good to see you!" Little nudges like that, from spirit, are the things that make my hopeless like heart come alive, even on the gloomy days when I barely muster the courage to get out of bed. 

What is true love and genuine friendship? To me, it is the feeling of being ACCEPTED, SEEN and HEARD. Knowing that I can just be myself, in my own skin, and not have to modify any part of my conversations or put on a facade and pretend I am something I am not. True love is true acceptance, it is feeling a safety and security like nothing else. That is the kind of feeling I always felt from George. That he APPRECIATED me for me, and I didn't have to worry thay my life was not a fairy tale, that I was not a millionaire or drove a splashy car, nor had some big accolade on the wall in a gold frame or a status on a name card to boast about. No, I could be me, simple, loving, playful, quirky, creative, imaginative and sincere Rochelle. Simply me, as I am, as God made me, and that was enough for my friendship with George.

I never felt loved like that before. George had a way of lighting up a room when he walked in, of winning you over with those sparkling eyes and boisterous laugh. He was so damn lovable and REAL!!! Oh the ache I feel everyday, knowing I will never see him stroll up the hallway with his walker again. 

But I can carry him here in my heart, and remember the 17 months I shared with him, as his housekeeper and server in the lunch room at the senior's home. That is something NO ONE can ever steal away from me, not ever. My experience was real, I was loved and adored by that man, and it was not a fictional, made-up story, as some haters have tried to tarnish.

Right in front of his grown up sons in February 2020 in his apartment, when his wife passed, he said aloud about me "I wanna adopt her! She's a KEEPER!" His heartfelt boasting brought tears to my eyes, as I listened from the other room, where I was polishing a bathroom sink. I'd brought him butter pecan tarts and a pie with vanilla ice cream, and he was right in his glory.

Heartily, and with all my love and appreciation, a salute you, Georgy. Forever in my heart, always in my fond memories and warm thoughts.

With love,

Rochelle xo

LOVE MAKES ALL HARD HEARTS GENTLE

 Dear Readers,

I am sorry I have been silent for a while. The past nine months have been excruciating for me, dealing with a deeply personal loss, so my soul has been wretchedly and horribly broken. Many times, I could not even leave the house. Most days, I forced myself into the bath and to get dressed. I asked God to take me, since I'd lost my passion and purpose, no longer wanting to tred this earth without the ONE who calls to my heart. The physical separation with my twin flame (Divine Masculine) has been unbearable. I went through the Dark Night of the Soul, which feels like you've "died a thousand deaths." It also feels like your limb has been cut off and you're perpetually bleeding out, with no end in sight of the pain. I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

But spring is here, April is my birth month, and alas, renewal!

There are things to look forward to, and I feel like I am coming out of that deep depression and mourning. Yes, I have been mourning deeply. Wearing black. Telling the world how broken and sad I have felt. What is the difference between mourning and grieving? Well, MOURNING is the outward expression that you are grieving a loss. It is the expression of an experience of loss or time of grieving that follows a loved one's death or serious loss. Depression, confusion, even losing interest in friends and social activities can occur when someone is in mourning.

GRIEVING is simply the act of going through deep loss and sorrow, and it may be done in public or private, depending on the person's state of mind. It is the FEELINGS you are experiencing over your loss.

I have noticed something very profound in my grief story. No one understands it. I feel so alone at times. When I joined a church recently, hoping to find some like-minded females who've gone through loss and mourning, all I found was complete IGNORANCE and stupidity. They kept doing the spiritual by-passing of "give it to God" or "let me lay hands on you and pray for you." 

Well, that sort of ignorance and mean behavior doesn't work, people! Loss is loss, pain is pain. The person grieving has to go through ALL the stages of that loss, and then PROCESS everything they are feeling. How does one heal from their loss? They acknowledge what they are feeling, then they speak of it OUT LOUD, over and over, til they are sick of talking about it. Then, guess what? One day, you're sick of hearing about your own pain and depression. You somehow come out of the fog and make peace with it, and reach a point of ACCEPTANCE.

Those ignorant people in the church have NO CLUE what loss or grieving is. I was fuming mad, I walked out of there, and a woman in that church had the nerve to badger me with phone calls and texts even though I firmly stated "I won't be coming back." She doesn't get it. None of them do. They dismiss my pain and just say "turn your eyes upon Jesus and let him be the master of your life."

What does that even mean???? Shake my head. They are walking Bibles, quoting verses and statements and ideologies, just like robots, and they can't even FEEL what I am feeling. Hello, are you even HUMAN? Is there a brain in there or a heartbeat? I've never been so angry and furious over one group of people in my life.

Needless to say, my attempt of coming out of my tomb and trying to get a social life again just totally backfired. I realized, though raised in the Christian church my whole life, I am not at all your average garden variety "Christian." I don't fit into the box or the mold of what those sheeple expect me to be. They are just followers with no real thoughts or feelings of their own. They have to be brainwashed into believing something and then somehow that makes it the Gospel Truth? There is also the arrogance so many of them have when they look at me and preach "it must be God's will, not YOUR will."

How do you people even know what God's will is? Do you have a direct line to his mind? Or a USB cable to his thoughts? Are you so chosen and holy that he only speaks to this one group of people? It's pure insanity, the arrogance that has been shoved down my throat. I cannot be in their presence while I am grieving this loss and feeling this hurt. 

Sorry that I went off on a tangent there, but I feel this topic needed to be addressed. Being among that flock just triggered all my old childhood wounds of religious abuse and control at the hands of my sociopathic mother who shamed me and broke me down. The anger that I felt in that congregation just set my temper ablaze and I finally asked myself after four weeks of attending that place, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE ANYWAY?

I wanted to add that the Jesus I know is a gentleman. He doesn't force people to do something or think a certain way. He asks in a gentle voice for you to come to him. 

Love makes all hard hearts gentle, so I've been told. LOVE is what I need right now, not petty judgments or opinions about what THEY think God's will is for my life. The most hurtful thing this church did to me was try and dismiss my love and grief for my Beloved, my Divine Masculine, who is no contact right now with me. "Is he a Believer? Does he know the Lord? Don't be unequally yoked."

What a load of crap! It isn't enough that they kick me while I am down, but to throw salt in my wounds and mock me too...I am outraged!

God's Will IS to have us together. We have a Divine Mission. My Divine Masculine is my soul's counterpart, created by God, for us to come together in UNION. He is the master of this divine plan, for my twin flame and I to experience a beautiful union and raise the vibration of the planet!!!!! 

Separation is necessary for the Ascension process. Both twins must work through their wounding, their past hurts, generational and ancestral pain and karmic ties. Once we heal on our own, we come back together, in a beautiful and sacred UNION that blesses both us and the world. I have finally surrendered this love and given it up to God, knowing and trusting that in perfect divine timing, my Beloved and I will be together at last. There will be holy matrimony. There will be BLISS. There will be laughter again. But most of all, there will be LOVE, so much love.

My desk calendar for April 12th bears a quote that I love (from a man named "George" no less. He was my twin's father, who loved and ADORED me as if I were his own flesh and blood).

The quote says "Love Makes All Hard Hearts Gentle." George Herbert.

I like to revel in this. To sit with it for awhile and let it fully sink in, knowing that my love is powerful enough to soften the hardened heart of my twin flame who is dealing with so much loss (his parents both passed) and dealing with over 32 years of an illness in his body. Soon, I will see the wonderful and blessed outcome of how my compassion for him has helped him heal. That in itself will be a glorious day. When he returns to me, finally, I will welcome my Divine Masculine WITH OPEN ARMS. Because he was made for me, by the pure hand of God, and WE were born of DIVINITY, of that Sacred Fire.

Til then,

dear readers,

I bid you adieu.

Much Love,

RR

A Heartfelt Thank You as the Year Closes: 2022 Goodbye to the pain and loss. Happy New Year 2023: Hello To Endless Love, Truth and Comfort

 Dear Readers,

I'm extending

a heartfelt thank you for being here during the worst year of my life. 2022 has been a total trainwreck, emotionally. Everything I could think of has gone wrong for me.

Just a quick kudos to all of you now.  For being a support and comfort, knowing you are reading my beautiful and love-filled blog entries. When I launched this blog on July 26, 2013, my main goal was to share stories, anecdotes and poetry. That has been the case all along. Fortunately, I have all of you to thank for joining me on this journey of love.

I want to say a special shout-out to my Loving Kenneth. He is the man who owns my heart; my Specific Person, the one who gives me hope daily, and whose voice is the most comforting thing I could ever hear after a long, strenuous day when I am weary and exhausted from the world. 

Kenneth -- a dream of a man, whom I'd never thought God would bring me after all the failings and heartache of the past. But here he is! Made just for me. In the words of my favorite jazz chanteuse Julie London: "And I Love Him."

He is far from perfect, but he is perfect for ME. He has flaws, yes he has scars, and he is human, oh so human. But this person is my Divine Masculine. I'm so deeply grateful for you, Sweet Man. I can't contain the joy within my heart for you. It's gushing forth with oceans and rivers of love. 

So as this tired, ragged old year draws to a close, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the inspiration (4 books now you have inspired!!!!!) in my novel career. I couldn't imagine doing life with anyone else. You're literally the other half of my soul. I love you beyond any measure. 

Thank you Kenneth. See you soon. Happy New Year, My Loving Man xoxox

With all my love forever,

RR xoxo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLU4vxW8kt0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jux3R2i3TpE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJeywenPMKM

NANOWRIMO 2022: Hit The Target 8 Days Early!!! 50,000 words: The Heart is a River(novel about BC floods) Beautiful British Columbia Fraser Valley

 Dear Readers:

I am so incredibly psyched to share with you tonight that at 8:28 P.M. EST, I completed my beautiful and inspiring Nanowrimo Project for 2022. The targeted timeline was for Nov 30th but I made it with eight days to spare! So happy and proud!!!

This one was a labor of love, inspired by the tragedy of the November 2021 B.C. floods in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, specifically near Abbotsford. 

My heroine, Ria Brooke, lost her home when it was swept away down the river. She has spent the last six years rebuilding her home after the untimely death of her husband, John.

Now, devastated, and waiting on her insurance claim and browsing the rental homes, she is offered a place to stay by dear friends Bill and Laura Everly, who own a ranch and run the youth shelter, a nonprofit organization that provides food, clothes, and lodging for at risk youth. Ria was hired as an admin person at the shelter shortly before the floods came and washed her home away. She considers herself hugely blessed to have such a loving and supportive couple in her life, Bill and Laura, who brighten her days with their compassion, wit and laughter, not to mention, Laura's home cooking and hospitality.

Laura's other talent is matchmaking, and who better to set Ria up with an eligible bachelor type than Laura herself! She has her eyes on the ruggedly handsome older gentleman, a retiree, who volunteers twice a week at the shelter, using his truck to bring furniture to the youth. 

Keir Weston is tall, lanky and impossibly handsome, with his silvery mane and beard, his sultry voice and aloof demeanor. One look from Ria and sparks fly! The only problem is, Keir got badly burned by a bitter divorce two decades ago, and he's kept to himself and doesn't want to be tied down. He finds a kinship with the lovely, evolved woman, though, and feels a stirring in his heart that he thought he would never feel again, and decides to test the waters.

But Ria is vulnerable and scared. She's lost the one man she thought she had forever with, and now she lost her beloved home. Falling for Keir was not her mission, but she can't help but open her heart to the sexy silver fox who seems vulnerable and sad too, under his well-drawn facade.

When New Year's Eve comes, the big bash of the year is held at the Everly ranch, and Keir decides to show up out of the blue. Ria wants to spill her feelings and tell Keir that he is the only man for her, but will he accept her offer of love, or run for the hills and deny them both the love they both desperately need from one another?

The Heart Is a River is a story of hope, heart and healing. It's a passionate story of deep wounds and old hurts coming to the surface. But it is also the story of finding the courage to light the lamp for love just one more time.

I just know you are going to love this heart-tugging story.

Coming soon!!

Much love,

RR xo

THESE ARMS OF MINE: a poem by Rochelle Renee

 

These arms of mine

are empty, so empty

since the day you left

This heart of mine

it echoes a pain so deep

The angels even weep

So please come back soon

and fill this space

I need your loving embrace

to warm

These arms of mine

--Rochelle Renee --

Oct 5, 2022

6:17 p.m.

TRUST YOURSELF: When All Else Fails, You Can Trust The One Who Knows You Infinitely

 Dear Readers,

I noticed a flashback pop up on my FB tonight, and it was from Sept. 11, 2018. The comment I wrote beside my pic (featured above) was "Today I choose ME. I trust myself." This memory emerging on my page could not come at a better time, after the trainwreck that 2022 has been for me. Oh boy!

But first, back to 2018 for a minute. What a year that was! I landed a full time position at a seniors home, which later in November 2018 brought me the sweetest, most endearing couple, George and Mildred, who sparked inspiration for one of my books. I campaigned with a friend who won a seat on city council, and went to his victory party to celebrate. That was a proud moment, to witness a wonderful human being achieve a worthy dream. I went to a few concerts and enjoyed myself. I published The Christmas Keys. Beautiful memory. My "Hallmark" Christmas love story, I like to call it.

That quote about "choosing me and trusting myself" really hits home right now. I had an unsavory summer and got my heart broken badly. So tonight, I am paying homage to myself for draggin my body out of the pit and learning to make life "normal" again. Not sure if I can after what I've been through, but here goes...

"Today, I choose Me. I TRUST myself. I love myself. There's no one who has a more intimate relationship with me than ME. In this crazy world of commercialism and superficial scams, it's easy to get sucked into beLIEfs that we are not good enough, not smart enough, not hot enough, not sexy enough, not rich enough, etc etc. But here in this moment, I choose me. Because the last person did NOT choose me. They chose instead a career or someone else they deemed more special than me. That's fine. I'm good.  I don't need their validation to make me feel worthy. The only one I need to validate me with is ME. At the end of the day, I know in my heart I did my BEST. I am loved. I am worthy. I AM ENOUGH. In this skin, yes I am enough."

How many times have you let fear and self-doubt creep into your thoughts? When you let that ugly, traitorous voice in your head lie to you about how amazing and capable you really are? Well, stop it. You are a force to be reckoned with. Yes, YOU are unstoppable. Remember all the times you struggled and thought you'd never make it through, yet here you are! Succeeding in spite of it all. 

It's time to give yourself more credit, to trust your instincts, to behold the genius that you are. Which includes embracing your messy parts, and the shadow self you judge, the aspect of you that holds perhaps all your magic and hidden talents. Being human is never a bad thing; it's the components of all that you are and all that you will ever be.

So stop second-guessing yourself and thinking that you are not enough. You are divine. You are a STAR shining your light in this messed up world. That is amazing. That is all you need to be. You have arrived. The world needs you. 

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

LOVING YOURSELF MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD: Focus On Love

 Dear Readers,

It has been said by the great writer of our time, Louise Hay, who is now dearly departed but lives on in our hearts and her ample library of self help writings and new age awareness:

"When you don't know what else to do, focus on love. Loving yourself makes you feel good, and good health is really about feeling good." 

This past year, I've hit a personal crisis. Mental health and emotional health. I lost a job that meant a lot to me. A job working with seniors at a retirement home. I was targeted, bullied and harrassed by management over my bad knee. From February 2021 during my first diagnosis over x-ray of osteoarthritis in the knee, to limping on the job in March and April, to getting a cortisone shot that helped me for three months and then the subsequent pain and limping that followed in September (once that shot had worn off in July), I was targeted by management for my "disability." 

November brought a knee sprain diagnosis, running around a dining hall serving meals to seniors. Two weeks off work, a WSIB claim, and management spreading lies and rumors about me through the building ("it's not a tear, you can't use that language in your insurance paperwork," the nasty, control freak business director screamed at me on the phone. "These agents don't want to pay out the money. I've dealt with these people for a long time, I know my stuff." She went on to brag that her "daughter is a soccer star in Spain, and she tore a ligament and needed surgery." Comparing MY injury to her daughter's? Then invalidating me and shaming me without having the final word from my MRI? How atrocious and appalling, not to mention, completely out of line from a Human Resources point of view. In the end, my agent at WSIB was more than accommodating with all my paperwork, doctor visits and backbiting with staff. He happily refunded every penny to me that was lost on two weeks worth of wages, while being sidelined at home.

I was wait-listed three and a half months for the MRI, from the November booking til the March appointment. To add insult to injury,  a maintenance guy at work got in my face and yelled at me over a broken vacuum (not my fault). He shouted: "you're just lazy and full of shit. All you want is to go off on another insurance claim." This could not be further from the truth. I'd just had an MRI at the hospital on March 1st, and the results came in March 30th, via my booked follow-up appointment with my surgeon. It was a meniscus tear under the knee cap. But the buffoons at the seniors home did not wait to hear back from my MRI results. The manager fired me March 15th and I was devastated.

My work at the retirement home was one filled with love, and I poured that love into every day I spent there, four and a half years of it. The seniors were my "family," and our mutual affection and respect for one another was felt deeply. When job loss occurs, there is a strong mental, emotional and physical downfall that happens. First, the shock that it happened at all. Second, the depression over losing my community and sense of self. Third, social life is nonexistent, and you now have a life that you do not recognize that is waiting at home. It was a bitter pill to swallow, and I would spend the next number of months in deep sorrow, gloom and self punishment. When the first week of August hit, I dragged myself out of bed one sunny afternoon and dusted off the exercise bike that was sitting there being neglected. My first ride was 12 km and 30 minutes clocked. Then, I worked my way up to 16 km and then 18 km for 44 minutes in a session. Four times a week, I forced myself on that bike. "Rochelle, you've got to get yourself out of this slump, or you'll be good for no one. Not even for yourself," my inner critic chided.

Suddenly, I had perspective. I also had something that I'd lost with the job dismissal; MEANING.

As with anything that leaves our life, we have to find our way back to the meaningful part. I attached MEANING now to my daily routine. It was not just getting out of bed at noon (because, what else was there to look forward to?) but it was also the fact that I had an exercise routine. I had my coffee, my oatmeal, and my Tetley lemon tea and three liters of water per day. Get the muscles moving, release those positive endorphins, change my mindset, stop beating myself up, don't be so glum.

To add to the mix of sorrow, the man I love had distanced himself from me over a misunderstanding when a "frenemy" of mine phoned up the funeral home behind my back and badgered my Special Person with demands that he" take Rochelle out to dinner or give it up with

her."

I'd waited 11 months for this beautiful man to come back from the west coast where he lived, and have a wonderful reunion of souls this summer in Southern Ontario, just east of Toronto, while he split his time between the cottage up north and his sister's place, a 10-minute drive from me. Well, after that frenemy sabotaged my Specific Person and me, it was game over. He broke my heart by saying he "didn't want a relationship, I hope you find what you're looking for, I wish you well." I picked up the phone to explain everything and try to tell him my side, but he refused to answer. He ghosted me after that, and I spiralled down into a deep depression for months. This is a man in his '60s who was raised by a good father and mother, and knew better than to lead me on this way. He also has serious health issues that might require surgery down the road, and he'd endured a heart surgery in October 2020, so the drama from that traitorous ex-friend of mine just seemed to be the "nail in the coffin" for us. He won't speak to me.

My heart is shattered beyond repair at the ghastly and devious events that have transpired this year. It has been an awakening that has gutted me, in so many ways, and I have felt paralyzed with the depths of sorrow and heartache. My Specific Person means the world to me; he inspired three of my books, he has seen me through the hardest times of this past year (getting Covid, knee injury, bullied at work, losing the job). He was also my biggest cheerleader when the first book in the "Love Walked In" series was released in July 2021. To put it bluntly, he is my soulmate and I love him with the magnitude of an earthquake and the force of a tsunami. His arrival to my life on Nov 9th, 2018 forever transformed me, and I can't feel anything but massive love and compassion for this incredible man. To say my heart is brimming with devotion for him would be a huge understatement; my heart belongs to him. I don't want to do this life without him. I mean that. 

Back to the "feeling good" part. It was surely a process, and a long journey back to self, indeed. After getting my heart broken and losing the job, my new life is now about caring for my bad knee, updating this blog, seeking a job, and healing my brokenness. Yes, this is the "new normal."

I have every faith that my Special Person will return. He is taking a break, getting ready for a medical procedure out west when he returns home this month (hopefully to put him into remission with his illness) and he is still grieving his parents who both died in early 2020. Hence, the funeral this past July, a celebration of life for his beloved father, who was also one of my own soulmates. He has a weak heart from a heart valve replacement, and that is no walk in the park.

Tell me, in the comment section under this blog, have you ever endured a separation from your Beloved, and how long was that? What was the outcome when he/she returned? What discoveries did you make along the way about yourself? I would be intrigued to know what took place and if there was a happy reunion?

As you know, I am a big fan of the Law of Attraction and I apply it to my life every day. I've seen the massive returns from it, over the course of the last seven years or more.

This road back to Self really is about Loving Yourself. Focus on that love, and it will fill you up so deeply, and will overflow into other areas of your life. It really does all begin with Self. 

I am sending you healing vibes and massive love today.

I hope to hear from those who have reunion stories with their twin flame or Specific Person.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

Law of Attraction: Manifesting Your Specific Person

 Dear Readers,

I've become quite smitten with the idea of Law of Attraction for MANIFESTING your Specific Person either into your current existence or manifesting them back into your life after a breakup or after they have ghosted you.

One of the people I follow is Robert Zink from USA (Miracle Mentor and Alchemy Success Coach). He is the owner of Law of Attraction Solutions, along with his wife, Rachael.

His teachings give me daily support, inspiration, and guidance for my life. Especially for attracting your Specific Person to you.

What I have learned on this journey with my Specific Person are key factors to manifesting him or her back into your life. Robert's advice hits all the crucial points:

1. See yourself as WORTHY. Committed. Absolutely certain. Make yourself the STAR of the movie.

2. Be passionate about your own journey. Focus on your goals. Your dreams. People are attracted to people who are PASSIONATE about something.

3. Quantum Gratitude. Looking forward to the future; projecting into the future about the reality you are creating and being GRATEFUL for your life right now. Writing it down, getting in touch with it. This will raise your vibration.

4. Visualize Clearly The Outcome you desire. The Wish fulfilled. This person or this company calling you, texting you, writing you, reaching out to you. You need to reprogram your subconscious mind with a clear picture of the outcome. It's absolutely essential.

5. Focus on the Feeling. While you are meditating before bedtime, focus not only on the picture, but how you FEEL about them reaching out to you. It's absolutely essential, because feelings are the connecting link to the Universe. You need that Universe REFLECTING BACK to you exactly what you are putting out. That's called manifestation. That's the Law of Attraction. And this is the Law of Assumption. You are acting and feeling "As if." What if I run into RESISTANCE? People ask one of two questions that causes them to run into problems. 1) When? 2) How?

Detach from the outcome. Fall asleep with the positive expectation, allowing you to DETACH. Detachment is so important. You increase the probability that your Special Person is about to reach out to you. As you increase your nightly meditation, you go inward, increasing the Energy.

6. Good Things Are Coming Your Way!! Keep using these daily affirmations. 

Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better. 

Every day, in every way, my Specific Person is getting closer and closer.

Every day, in every way, my Abundance is getting bigger and bigger.

Hope these help you on your journey to manifesting your Specific Person! Stay tuned...

With so much love,

RR xo

Author Interview: Rochelle Renee Featured on The Bookshelf Cafe News

 Dear Readers,

I am thrilled and honored to be featured as the main author profile this week on The Bookshelf Cafe News site.

The link is below:

http://www.thebookshelfcafe.news/author-interview-rochelle-renee/?fbclid=IwAR1bd3yXri833L4pJnmYxSehW_5rj1yUcWS8pubuaVNf8XZej51h2LCnCNc

Thank you to my readers for your continued support.

With much love always,

RR xo

BLUE MOON: a Love Poem

 Blue Moon

In midnight fields/ we frolic and smile/ Once in a blue moon/ a love like this comes along/ Silvery and full/ Bathing the night meadows with a radiance/ Hand in hand/ You guide me/ illuminate me/ head to toe/ I'm surrounded by the glory/ of these wings in flight/ we're two doves soaring/ peaceful/ amid the still night/ crickets and hush/ kisses and whispers/ careful now/ don't wake the sleeping fools/ who do not feel and do not believe/ in Twin Flame love or miracles waking/ so lucky we are/ like hand in glove/ we fit so right/ you fade into me and I into you/breathless, reckless/ the fresh cut grass is jealous/ as we roll together/ passion, abandon, mirth/ the Blue Moon and love's spell/ our aphrodisiac. <3
~Rochelle Renee~

Aug 20, 2013. .
5:11 a.m.

HELLO, GODDESS!!

Oh, Hello there Gorgeous Soul,

Hey you!

YES, YOU!!

Remember your self-worth and your beauty? Those haven't gone anywhere since you last checked. Neither have your cute dimples, big beautiful eyes, boisterous laugh, and engaging charm that tugs at the heart of the elderly and makes a baby giggle.  You have those wonderful, charismatic traits that are not replaceable. In fact, YOU as a whole package, are one-in-eight-billion. Just like a snowflake, you are unique and no one else is like you.

You are so f*cking divine. Always remember that, when the world weighs you down, when that person you thought was a TRUE friend stabbed you in the back and sabotaged your connection with your Special Person. When you didn't get that much-coveted job that you wanted so badly. When that guy you thought was really digging you just GHOSTED you and left you in the dust, wondering what the hell happened.

You are STILL fabulous. Sure, you have flaws just like the rest of the population. Maybe it's frizzy hair or a wrinkle or two, perhaps some scars from teenage acne. It could be bloating from water retention or that unsightly cellulite showing under your arms suddenly. You've NEVER had cellulite, until NOW!!! What gives?

Being an Evolved Woman aka Goddess can be hard. You don't "fit in" to the normal crowd of less evolved people who didn't do the work that you have. It can be a lonely road sometimes, trying to relate to others who don't understand the sacrifices you've made or the growth you've gone through and the higher wisdom you've obtained on this journey.

Never forget your RADIANCE at making the world a better place, knowing you were meant to be here at this specific point in history. You are made of stardust; you are not a random occurrance in the grand scheme of things. I hope you remember that, on the days when things are too heavy to carry, when sorrow or grief chokes the life out of you, when the worries of mounting bills or unforeseen expenses keep you up at night. Just lean into the knowing that YOU my dear, are ENOUGH. Yes, you were always enough. Abundance, joy, love, success, peace of mind...all these and so much more are your DIVINE BIRTHRIGHT. You never had to "earn" your right to be loved. You can just show up as you are, the way God made you, and it will be glorious.

Forget the haters. The ones who mock and sneer when you waltz into a room in all your glory and they feel threatened by you. Turn a blind eye to those who do not clap when you are winning. Cancel your subscription to low-vibe people who make you feel bad about yourself. Un-friend those frenemies who pretend to "LIKE" your posts, but are really scheming against you.

But most of all, pour all that love into yourself, the love you've been giving to others. You are tired, dear one. You need rest, you need nourishment, you need a quiet place to regroup and put everything into perspective. You've done enough for others, and it wasn't working. Now try doing for you. It will be received and appreciated, finally, when you show up and HONOR THYSELF.

I am cheering for you always, Brave One.

With so much love,

RR xo

 

Purging The Old Energies To Make Way For All The NEW

 Dear Readers,

It's come to my attention this summer and this past week (Aug 14-21) that it is time for that painful and emotionally raw point in the year -- the purging of old energies. Now, some might say you're overdue for a little "house cleaning" or donating things to the thrift store or giving to those in need, or it might be a clean sweep of the friends list. Lopping off old connections who never reach out, taking inventory of those who no longer serve us, who leave us feeling drained or unworthy. Those who lend no support to our goals and dreams. Cutting off the loose ends, so to speak.

I've felt it every year, and this year is no exception. The painful letting go of something or someone who just doesn't serve me. That old connection that won't reach out and seems "too busy" or caught up in personal issues to even make an attempt to talk to me or see me. It is in the GRIEVING PROCESS where you will end up completely spent and drained, so please practise a lot of self-care and self compassion during this time of loss and letting go. There is nothing pleasant or easy about it. Time to say goodbye, and I am NOT good at goodbyes.

Only, since July 9th,  I've spiraled downward into a funk, a deep rabbit hole in which I could not get out. Until today. A friend sent me an article about Twin Flame union, and it nailed some important points of the energetic and soul-tie shifts occurring. Now, keep in mind, my own Twin Flame has passed on six years ago. Trent is in a better place, and I am glad for that, God rest his soul. But still, the article sheds light on a lot of crucial things that are happening in the planetary alignments this week. I was intrigued.

TRUST is the word that jumped out from the article.https://www.twinflames1111.com/blog/weekly-energy-update/august-15th-21st-22?wickedsource=affiliate&wickedid=august-15th-21st-22&fbclid=IwAR10WIPFc4FEaLikmcpTCmH9RAWwIvZqQ0bOZxZACYR0A2neNdaDjMoTnr8

Trust is something I've been forced to digest in all my dealings with karmic and soul connections in the last 10 years. It can be a bitter pill to swallow, but with that trust comes the lesson of PATIENCE. The two seem to go hand-in-hand, and they are most grueling to deal with, emotionally. This path is not one for the faint of heart. You have to endure with nerves of steel and ferocious willpower. But when you come out on the other side, you will be stronger, wiser, and more aligned with what is meant for you.

Take a look at it; I think it will be worth reading for those either in a Twin Flame union or looking to reconnect with their "estranged" twin. By estranged, I mean, the Twin who has cut off all contact. In the spirit world, you and your Twin are never truly disconnected. Just in the physical sense, when one has pulled away or ghosted.

I hope this blog post has helped shed some light on Twin Flame energy or simply for the enjoyment of higher learning.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

SLEEPING HEARTS: A Love Poem

I want to bury myself

Into your

Loving wilderness

In your wild tangle

of silver

that flows forever

I want to get lost

In your diamond bright

Pools of amber-green

Where the light

Comes flooding forth

To bathe me in 

Your afterglow

And your soul 

Shines its brightest

Just for me

Where echoes

Across eternity

Tell the stories

Of all our past lives

Together

And the lessons

Of how we weaved

Our ancient secrets

Into the tapestry of time

And planted our seeds

Of devotion

In all those souls

Those sparks of Divinity

Who carried on our legacy

And here we meet again

ALAS!

After a long, tired journey

Crossing the desert

Of long-buried dreams

ALAS!

I find you again

My Silver Majesty

And now we are consumed

Once again

By the Eternal Flame

That fueled our first

Origins

And breathed the

Fire of Love

Into our veins

The golden thread

That tied us, bound us 

Across the miles

Amid

the mysteries

Keeping our hearts

Entwined

For centuries

It never broke

Yet it remained

Steadfast & Strong

Birthing life

Into sleeping hearts

That almost forgot

Their magic.

--Rochelle Renee--

4-29-2022

Poem: Destiny by Edwin Arnold

 DESTINY

Somewhere there waiteth

in this world of ours

For one lone soul another lonely soul

Each choosing each through all the weary hours

And meeting strangely at one sudden goal

Then blend they, like green leaves with golden flowers

Into one beautiful and perfect whole;

And life's long night is ended, and the way

Lies open onward to eternal day.

by Edwin Arnold (poet)

***with special thanks to my radio hero, Don Jackson, of CHFI FM 98.1, who hosted his Canada-wide show "Lovers & Other Strangers" from 1990 to 2010. He read this poem on one of his shows. I was a devoted listener who spent many weeknights curled up by the radio in my room, taking notes on Don's wonderful show. He featured magazine articles, quotes and poetry about relationships and also played the most beautiful love songs. Don will be sadly missed forever. Jan 12-1954 to July 12 -2020. Thank you for all the memories, Don***

Poem for My Valentine

Poem for My Valentine

Long before I knew you

Before our eyes ever met

or paths even crossed

Before space and time

Aligned us

Together

I knew I loved you

That your spirit was 

out there

floating in the atmosphere

searching for me too

Longing for 

Connection

and kinship

and profound love

Long before this old heart

would conspire

with the Powers

of the Universe

Something within me

Just Knew

That you would 

MANIFEST

Long before I held you

in these lonely arms

Some part of me

always knew

I would find you

And my soul just

Overflows

with the gushing force

of a river

that has been set free

of its own accord

and how BLESSED

I feel!

To know your Divine Love

and the Splendor 

Of You

My sweet, beautiful man

At last, I've found you!

At long last, the tides

have shifted

After the earthquake, storms

and avalanche,

Alas, it's YOU

Divinely imperfect,

sincere, lovable, steadfast,

loyal and supremely generous 

"YOU"-

and my heart cannot contain 

This Joy

For all the angels in heaven

are singing

their hearts out

sounding the trumpets of Glory

and God himself is blessing this

Divine Union

God Bless You ~

Dear Heart~

Finally,

We are One

Finally,

Forever,

Amen xo

- Rochelle Renee- Sat Feb 12, 2022

10:53 am