Sunday, March 16, 2014

The Broken Hearts Club

Love and other casualties. This is the age old dilemma, friends. Love that has been won and lost, making for a shambles of good hearts everywhere.

I know some people who walk around with a permanent chip on their shoulder, bitter at the love that has scorned them. It's not a pretty sight, and it makes a mockery of decent hearts that deserved love for life, for all the right reasons. I really wish I could breathe life into those battered hearts that have given up on the chance at finding genuine love, because some of its victims wander around with no true intent, breaking more hearts and leaving a trail of wreckage as they go.

Welcome to the Broken Hearts Club, where love has slammed the door on those who gave it their best shot, to the bitter end. No one is immune to heartbreak, not anywhere in this world. Put your walls up sky high, and some fox still gets in somewhere. Heads up, those granite walls you built all around you like a fortress, they come down sooner or later, with the emergence of some riveting green eyes, or a dazzling smile you never saw coming. You might feel them start to crumble, with the warmth of a romantic dinner, or fragrant rose petals on bedspread,  and the pure ambiance of candlelight, or perhaps dialogue from the smoothest talker, whispering sultry words of promise in your ear. Just try to run from love, when it's needed so badly in your longing heart, and you make all the excuses available in your little book of rules, and guess what? Love still comes calling, when you have your bulletproof vest on and that big chip on your shoulder. It comes on the gentlest February breeze, from a little riverside town, 80 miles away, whether you like it or not. Sometimes it's sitting beside you in the Native Studies class at University, or it comes waltzing in on a cold winter night at the Dora Keogh Irish pub, roguish, sly and leather-clad, amid the acoustic trio playing sensational tunes and abundant camaraderie from the happy patrons.

Try running from its force, and you don't stand a chance; love holds the force of a hurricane, the depth of an ocean, and in moments, you are swept away by its magnitude. The heart always knows what it needs, regardless of the thousand little lies we tell ourselves. That's because it's beating constantly, pumping life force into us, 24 hours a day, reminding us that we are human, ALIVE, feeling and deserving of its essence... and like a clock, still ticking, beat by beat, measure by measure, we realize that though love breaks us down, it is just as conniving around the corner, like a thief in the night, waiting to swoop down and carry us away on wings of promise, renewing us and giving us that sense of hope that, although we paid the price of a love gone wrong, we still deserve to have its beauty and reward.

Broken hearts need mending, and those who do not allow themselves the "gift" of healing are sadly mistaken. Blaming oneself for what went wrong is not the remedy. We cannot mend if we are constantly blaming ourselves for that marriage that ended prematurely, the spouse who abandoned us "too soon" or the brand new love that seemed so perfect, so compatible, that somehow did not get off the ground, as we anticipated.

Running away is worse, still. I have seen runners, and they are the saddest, emptiest people. They often times have the most supportive circle of friends and potential mates encompassing them, but they decided to sabotage all the good and take off in lightning-quick speed. Far, far away from the love that they deserve but refuse to see or FEEL. They become numb, totally devoid, and they let the hurt build up even higher, masking all the pain that they never dealt with properly. Love leaves us like death, and when we do not grieve it properly, wish it well and send it on a proper burial, the most heart wrenching fact is that we walk around so bitterly with our battle scars, preying on the innocent lovers who did nothing to cause that pain; they, though, become the next victims of this ruined love. Sincere people who do not deserve to suffer at the hands of your tragedy, who only want to help, they become the next casualties of your pain.

Therapy is the answer. If you cannot afford a professional, try a friend who is qualified in matters of the heart, educated, sensible, compassionate, understanding, willing to aid in the healing process. There are books, videos, blogs, countless measures of self-help that are at our fingertips at bookstores and libraries everywhere. I found during the healing process of my failed marriage, the best therapy was music, and plenty of it, all day long, and night time too, before bed. That was the loneliest time. In the dead of winter, too, if you imagine, just days after New Year's. The song that was pivotal for me in helping me heal is an oldie by The Lettermen, called "You'll Never Walk Alone." (Look for the link at the bottom on this blog).

During my recovery, I also had the good fortune to get free counseling from my trusted family friend, Pastor Earl Inman. He was a godsend, truly, and he helped me get back on track and into my heart space, forgiving myself, and showing me that there is in fact life after love has departed. He is one of my personal heroes, and a fellow Taurus too, because he is a strong man of God, his faith solid as a rock. Earl who lost his wife and son, so he is no stranger to loss, and he is a shining example of "life going on." This life motto left a huge imprint on my soul, and I am forever grateful for his wisdom, guidance and mentoring. God sent some amazing men into my life for my own healing, and they have helped me not only with my faith, but with my journey as a writer. Ironic, right, that a man shattered my heart and abandoned me, and now in the place of him came MEN who showed me just how beautiful life can be, while a heart is on the mend.

Let love be the therapy for love that was lost. You can do this. You do not have to face the pain all alone. Pain is a fleeting thing, not permanent, and it takes time to heal and let the wounds close up. The love you let back into your heart will be the saving grace that brings you back to life. Right now, in your slumber of grieving, you cannot feel the beauty that is waiting in the wings, and that is understandable. I cannot emphasize enough how much pain or loss I have faced on this journey, but my heart is a fighter and it gets back in the race every time. It is what has shaped me into the tender, passionate, sensual, strong, valiant Empath that I am today. Without the loss and tragedy, there would be no true, well-rounded, authentic me. Now what fun would that be? Imagine all the lessons and adventures I would have missed along the way!

My prayer for you today is that you will bestow the gift of love upon your shattered heart, and let the wounds heal. Do not become bitter that he or she left you, when you feel that they really should have stayed by your side. Nothing is forever in this life, and we do not readily have the answers for every little shocking departure or letdown. There is one definite thing, though: We are born alone, and we will die, ALONE.

Comfort can be found in knowing that life goes on. The Broken Hearts Club wants to assure you that beauty is waiting around the corner, if you will only answer the door.

Love and Peace,

~ RR <3

P.S. a link to help with the healing process. Enjoy :)

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