What The Christmas Holidays Mean To Me

Dear Readers,

I am posting an essay I wrote tonight about what Christmas means to me. I hope it brings you much joy and reflection on what the holidays mean to you.

Merry Christmas!

RR xo

Remember growing up? You had the curiosity of a cat, always venturing, always questioning...life was a grand adventure and every single day was a mystery to be unraveled, slowly. You loved it, didn’t you? Your little, precocious childlike spirit was always open to the wonder of the Universe, and you truly just let it come to you, one day at a time. Nothing was forced, but rather...RECEIVED...effortlessly.

Remember how simple Christmas was? Most of us didn’t come from a wealthy family, but we fully enjoyed the holidays, because even when money was tight, mom and dad made everything (somehow) seem so special and RICH with love and gifts from the heart.

In Southern, Ontario, I grew up the second born of four kids into a working class family. We didn’t have a ton of money, but we never starved. Sometimes mom got our clothes from the thrift store and nobody cared, because we still laughed, danced and played in style. We had friends who accepted us for who we were, and name brand tags on clothing didn’t affect us in the least bit. It was, after all, the ‘80s and the ‘90s...a time when life was freer than the commercial hype of today.

Christmas was always the sumptuous turkey dinner with all the trimmings...stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, yams, green beans, turnip, corn, hot buttery rolls fresh from the oven...we had mouth-watering, home-baked pies of blueberry, cherry and apple...and delicious vanilla ice cream. Not one person left the table without adjusting a couple notches on the belt buckle! Mom wouldn’t allow it. You were “stuffed to the gills” with all that food. After dinner, we relaxed by the fire and sipped her famous punch, which consisted of a 2 L bottle of 7-Up, a frozen can of orange juice and 1 L of cranberry juice. Just delicious! The other punch she made was a spiced one, eggnog, cinnamon and vanilla ice cream floating on top. My senses were on overload, reveling in all the wonderful scents and flavors of this holiday. I always felt like I was right in my glory.

Snowfall around this time could be abundant. I can recall the snowfall of December 1992 just east of Toronto, in my little village, population 1800. The amount of snow was so significant, the roads were completely bare of cars. You could walk down the middle of the street, and the eerie night time was like a ghost town, save for the glow of the street lamps on the wintry scenery. I loved walking in that winter wonderland! It was the closest to God I’ve ever gotten.

Music in the home was played on the record player, and it was always Amy Grant “A Christmas Album” from 1985, which was by the way, absolutely fantastic! Then there was Burl Ives’ “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” and Mariah Carey’s 1994 masterpiece “Merry Christmas.” So many tender moments of holidays gone by are now flooding my heart as I write this. We always had a white christmas, and went sledding with friends (we had a huge yard and a massive ditch that sloped down -- perfect for tobaganning or the GT snow racer!

Movies viewed every single Christmas Eve on CBC were the classics. First, we’d watch 1949 Little Women, starring June Allyson, Elizabeth Taylor, Margaret O’Brien and Janet Leigh. Right after this, was the 1944 film “Meet Me in St Louis,” starring Judy Garland. On Christmas Day, CBC always aired the 1985 classic “Anne of Green Gables” and I was in absolute heaven, pretending I was Megan Follows as Anne Shirley. She was the first one to make me wish I had red hair! Back then, the holidays were absolutely fun-filled and unforgettable. For once, I’d like to go back in a time machine and relive it. We’d gorge out on ripple potato chips, mom’s homemade french onion dip and a Pepsi. That night, we were allowed to open one present, and it was always a teaser, because even though it was welcomed, we always knew it was not the ultimate one we’d begged Santa for. Mom was always doing her home baking, and the entire kitchen table and counters were covered in flour and confectioner’s sugar. She’d make shortbread cookies, chocolate macaroons, peanut butter marshmallow squares, honeymoon squares, and Nanaimo bars.

My point is...life was a big adventure and the joys we shared were not related to money. Sure, it took money to get the baking supplies and buy the presents, but if we’d been forced to resort to making homemade gifts for Christmas, it would all be received with just as much love and gratitude as any other present would be.

What the holidays mean to me? Peace, love and joy. Lots of food, a barrel of laughs, the company of my favorite people...and just being fully PRESENT in the moment. You see, it’s not about the mountain of gifts or the price tag on the items you get. Christmas was always about the warmth of the fire, watching movies with family and having treats. Our stockings were filled with toiletries, soap, toothpaste and shower gel, a candy cane, a chocolate bar, and that shiny clementine at the bottom.

On Christmas Eve, we had a nutcracker and mom would place a huge glass dish of assorted nuts on the coffee table, so we could crack walnut shells and eat them while watching our favorite seasonal film. I fondly remember those days, and they bring a tear to my ear, because it seems so long ago!

What the Christmas holidays mean to me...just loving those people you love. Showing them what they mean to you, without expecting some monetary thing in return. That’s what I’ll hold close to me as the years go by and my hair turns grey. That’s what truly counts. Merry Christmas, everyone.

Rochelle Renee- Dec 7th, 2019.

6:47 p.m.

NANOWRIMO -- GRAND FINALE!!!

Dear Readers!

We've reached the finish line for the annual novel writing challenge, NaNoWriMo -- or better known as National Novel Writing Month.

I soared through the finish line with my latest labor of love...5 days early. Completed on November 25th at just over 50,000 words..."CALL MY NAME" was brought to fruition.

Now, for the editing time. Drafts one, two, three and four...and so on.

If YOU were lucky enough to finish your novel on time, CONGRATS!!! Even if you didn't make the 50,000 words, kudos to you for creating something beautiful that you loved working on and brought you immense joy.

Being an author is not for the faint of heart. It takes hours, weeks, months, and years of blood, sweat and tears, in order to hone your craft and become better at what you do

It also takes a huge consumption of time to work on a novel. We are definitely an underrated breed, at best, but I would not trade my natural born gifts for the world.

Look for my novel in coming weeks...to be published by KDP.

I salute all the writers who took part in this year's novel challenge. Thank you also to my faithful readers who've supported me over the years and joyously look forward to every new novel that I release.

With much love and Gratitude,

RR xo

NEW NOVEL!! NANOWRIMO 2019 -- CALL MY NAME --

Dear Readers,

November started with a bang! The annual Novel Writing Challenge, which has an acronym called NaNoWriMo -- for National Novel Writing Month -- has me so stoked!!

It's November 17th and I'm already at 42,000 words!!!! Hey now!!!

50k words is the ultimate goal, to be finished by Nov.30th with a complete novel.

Every year, I gift myself with the beautiful offering of a completed love story (first draft, of course). It's the perfect way to get REALLY disciplined and get a novel completed. Rather than to procrastinate and take one's time throughout the course of a year.

Over half a million of us NaNo'ers are taking part in this challenge. I'm always psyched to get to the finish line, but the real fun is in the journey to get there!!! It's all that over-caffeinated, nail-biting, pulse-pounding, key-typing activity that gets the creative juices flowing.

My latest novel is a surefire winner, in the sense that I didn't have to use too much brain power to get it going. I already had the "muse" ready and willing to go. Like a filly on her maiden race at the Belmont, I was "rarin' to go" and chomping at the bit! I've been overjoyed to share my love story of Regan Reynolds and Stephen Silver with the world. I hope you love this power couple as much as I do!!! XOXO

A certain Silver Fox inspired me to craft my current masterpiece. Thank you, S.M., for the wonderful chats, for bringing your Aquarian energy around me and for just...well...making my work days more bearable. You rock my socks!!

To all the NaNoWriMo contenders this year...GOOD LUCK!!! I hope you make it to the finish line with your latest handiwork. If anyone knows how much blood, sweat and tears goes into making a novel, it it surely the NaNo writers every November. Bravo to you!!!

Sending good vibes and much love,

RR xo

This Year's NaNoWriMo Entry -- Moonlight Over Maryland -- New Novel!!!

Dear Readers,

I am pleased to announce my latest novel that is in the works for November 1st....for the annual National Novel Writing Month...better known as NaNoWriMo for all the Nano'ers out there!!

https://www.nanowrimo.org/

My book is called MOONLIGHT OVER MARYLAND,and it's about a female jazz singer whose husband lost his battle to depression and ends his life. She finds love again, in the most remarkable way, and must battle her fears of abandonment, by letting her guard down and allowing herself to love again.

This is just a teaser. I'll share more details as November arrives, and I'm able to spill it.

I'm an avid NaNoWriMo participant. My first year, 2012, was exciting, and I penned WILDHEART, a novel set in Toronto about a divorced woman who meets a troubled musician trying to piece his life back together after a divorce of his own, and he's facing his father's impending death.

Since then, I've taken part in 8 consecutive years of NaNo. It's the most exciting part of a writer's life, aside from getting a book deal, of course.

I love NaNoWriMo for the fact that, despite all the distractions in a writer's life that keeps us from completing a 50,000 word novel (work, family, relationships, health issues, debt, disease, conflicts of all types or Universal complications that we cannot avoid)...well, face it, this chunk of time (30 days) is the only time of the year we can be ACCOUNTABLE for our writing progress. It's the perfect chance to get something FINISHED after all the delays and procrastinating some of us do throughout the year. Ugh. It's horrible!

So without further ado...my fellow NaNoWriMo participants....GOOD LUCK on your writing projects for November....and Happy Writing!!!

See you at the finish line on November 30th.

Love,

xx RR xx

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #24 -- Give Thanks for Your Meal and The Company You're With

Dear Readers,

It's Day #24 of the 100 Day Gratitude Challenge. Obviously, I haven't posted EVERY SINGLE DAY of the challenge on this blog, because quite frankly, some of the posts were not as applicable to me, and I'm working a full time job and writing another novel. It's all about JUGGLING and making a good balance of things.

But I HAVE been doing the challenge everyday, personally, and taking note of each point.

Today's is "Give Thanks For Your Meal and the Company You're With." This one is easy.

Yesterday, I took part in the annual family Thanksgiving dinner. It's Mom, Dad, sister and brother and of course, my daughter.

Oh my God! The food!! Pumpkin pie, apple pie, and ice cream!!! Turkey -- massive!! Leftovers too! Vegetables of every kind!! Cranberry sauce, the works!!

Went home feeling stuffed. Had more turkey later that night. I might be "all turkey'd out."

Today, I am thankful for the food I enjoyed and the company was fun.

Now it's a holiday Monday and I'm resting, relaxing and working on the new novel.

Wherever you are, this Canadian Thanksgiving...I hope you  Give Thanks for Your Meal and Thank the Company You're With."

Life is to be cherished -- people are to be loved. Don't let a single day go by without showing and telling "your people" how much they are truly LOVED by you!!

Stay Passionate,

xx RR xx

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #22 -- Make Three People Smile

Dear Readers,

It's Day Number 22 of the 100 Day Gratitude Challenge.

Today, your challenge is to "make three people smile."

This morning, I got a chance to make the FIRST one smile. My mother called me, asking what I wanted to eat at the annual Thanksgiving dinner. Turkey is a given, but she wanted to know what pie I wanted, and the vegetable selection.

As we discussed the vegetables she already had in tow...green beans, potatoes, peas and corn...I made her laugh hysterically over an old story of how my three year old brother stuck corn up his nose and had to be removed in a specialist's office. The image of the doc putting an instrument up his nose and the toddler screaming in horror was enough to make us both laugh. Aren't family memories grand?

Person #2 was my daughter. She laughs at me every day. She thinks I'm cheesy, sappy, clumsy, weird...but overall...and to quote her "Best Mom Ever."

Person #3 was a friend in Baltimore who received my sympathy card in the mail. He lost his son earlier this year, and the card was greatly appreciated.

Friends, if you can, get out there today and MAKE THREE PEOPLE SMILE!

Enjoy your Canadian Thanksgiving weekend and for my American friends... Have a wonderful Columbus Day!

Love,

xx RR xx

Day #16 -- The 100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Give Someone A List of Qualities You Like About Them

Dear Readers,

Today is Gratitude Day #16 of the 100 Day Gratitude Challenge.

I'm pleased to be writing about my daughter today. Today's theme is "Give Someone A List of Qualities You Like About Them."

I really can't say enough about this young woman who's grown from a sweet, quiet child into a smart, animator, computer whiz, artist and all-around lovable human being.

What can I say? I'll take credit for raising her as a single mom all these years (wink wink).

My Rachel is an Aries. I am Taurus. That means, from time to time, the "Ram" and the "Bull" might lock horns or butt heads. Come on, it's a given. Fire sign, Earth sign...but it happens rarely.

We're housemates, friends, confidantes, and basically, we just love each other fiercely.

I can't imagine my life without my Rachel Elizabeth. She arrived in April 1999 and my life has never been the same. She's taught me patience, long suffering, how to truly love another human, and many more necessary life lessons. She inspires me daily to never give up, to keep marching to my own drum and to be consistent on my path of self discovery

.

Here's my list of qualities that I love in her:

1) Blunt, honest. Always tells me the truth when I need to hear it.

2) Unconditional love. It's what I need. everyday. She accepts me for me, and I think only ONE other person on this planet loved me that way. May he rest in peace.

3) Independent thinker. She doesn't need anyone to tell her what to think or how to think. She knows what she wants and is clear about it.

4) Funny. Gut-busting funny. Sometimes I spray my beverage across the room when she pulls some comedy on me.

5) Steadfast. She might encounter obstacles, but she never gives up.

6) Compassionate. I've seen her give food or money to a friend at school who was down and out. She's also given money to the homeless. My heart melts when I hear of this.

7) Beautiful, so beautiful, with her clear skin, long hair and blue eyes. Heads turn. I'm proud to be her mama.

8) Happy. I always hear her, howling with laughter over random jokes and funny films she is watching with friends. That makes my heart happy, to know I've raised a happy person.

9) Smart, and not just book smart. Good with money. Careful at budgeting funds. Clever. Street smart.

10) Imaginative, creative, artistic. She can make amazing art on the computer. animation or paintings. I think she gets the artistic side from me, the writer.

Rachel, I Love You. Don't ever change. My heart is full of gratitude to have you as my loving daughter.

I will always be here for you.

Love,

xx Mom xx

The 100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #15 -- Volunteer at the next opportunity in your community

Dear Readers,

I've been busy with my full time day job, and now it's the weekend. Time to post more entries for the 100 day gratitude challenge.

Here we are at Day #15. This one urges you to "Volunteer at the next opportunity in your community."

What a wonderful suggestion this one is! Myself, I pride myself in lending a hand to a good cause, helping someone in need, or perhaps it's just giving your time at a local nonprofit organization.

In the past, I've volunteered at a soup kitchen, went door to door on a friend's political campaign (oh that 36 degree weather and 2nd degree sunburn!), spent eight months handing out canned goods at a food bank, volunteered a year at the Optimist Youth Dance, lent my time in the Santa Claus Parade, did clerical work for a hospice, sorted donations at a thrift store, helped at the Hearts of Durham Gala to raise funds for women's shelters...the list goes on. Volunteering gives us a chance to give back. It boosts our self esteem, it's a chance to network and meet new friends or make new allies in the community. Overall, it's just marvelous. Giving back expands the heart, opens your vortex to abundance, and Paying it Forward is amazing karma! My heart is full of gratitude for the experiences that have dropped me to my knees. The low times and the ecstatic times. I'm certain there is no mistake to the Universe's perfect plan for me. All the good that I have given out -- whether helping a friend cope with his bipolar disorder and encourage him not to end his life, or slip that sandwich and box of chocolates to the homeless man on Christmas Eve -- it will surely find its way back to me, no doubt at all.

What experience, if any, can you share with us of your volunteering?

Please do so in the comments section. I'd love to know your thoughts.

Have a beautiful October weekend, enjoy the blue skies and swirling leaves! The air is cooler, the nights are chilly, and I'm wrapped in my fuzzy blanket, enjoying many a coffee, Chai and Earl Grey tea.

Much Love,

xx RR xx

100 Days of Gratitude Challenge -- Day #9 -- Forgive Someone You Feel Has Done Wrong By You

Dear Readers,

We've reached day number 9 of the 100 days of Gratitude Challenge. Today, your mission is to "forgive someone you feel has done wrong by you."

WARNING: this blog post is about to get personal. It contains information on horrors that I went through and lived to tell.

On January 4th, 2008, my second husband who I will name "Ken" for the sake of not receiving backlash from said person...well, he walked out on me and my young daughter, just days after New Year's and my seasonal job had ended. Yes, you read that right. I was broke, unemployed, penniless, and now, had to find somewhere new to live. The rent was paid up til Feb 28th, so I had about seven weeks to relocate.  Worse, he didn't give me a "reason" why he was leaving -- just that he suddenly "picked a fight" in the kitchen and threw kitchen items around and grabbed his 2 young sons, packed them in the car with a bag of clothes and he said "I'm out of here." Later, I would discover he had been cheating and being dishonest, just six months into the new marriage. Don't worry, he cheated on the first wife too, I soon learned through a mutual friend of many years.

Luckily, my family still had the old farmhouse and it was vacant. I would take Rachel, only, eight, and move "back home." Oh boy, was I bitter!! There I was at 30 years of age, thinking "Oh I have finally ARRIVED -- married (successfully?) a second time, and we had a blended family. Things were looking up for me, finally.

But that's where I made a fatal mistake. I'd gone into yet another marriage completely BLINDED and refused to see the RED FLAGS that were obviously there from the start. What was my excuse? Co-dependency. Being 30 and naive. Refusing to stand on my own two feet for fear and anxiety that I couldn't make it. Okay, i'm taking accountability right here and now for my own choice to get into this mismatched union.

Just ten days before the wedding ceremony, a man driving a van EN ROUTE to church around the corner from my designated church of my planned wedding...the man had a heart attack at the wheel and DROVE RIGHT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR of the church, St. Stephen's, where I was to be married on July 7th! What an omen! How could I not see the warning signs right in front of my face? Because my own stubborn pride refused to see the truth.  I could have spared myself so much PAIN, if I'd only backed out, cut my losses and maintained my sanity.

Sorry for the long post. To summarize, it was a match made in Hell. He swept me off my feet with poems, roses, romantic dinners, talking on the phone til late hours in the night, bringing me coffee in the morning, wanting to INVEST in me. All the things that a woman wants to happen for her, right? But it was LOVEBOMBING -- the typical narcissistic behavior that one does-- COMES ON STRONG -- to blindside their victim, so they can't see the DECEPTION that is really happening behind the scenes. I was that "new supply" that narcs need to feed their ego and soothe their badly damaged self esteem.

Years later, with therapy, research, good mentoring and recovery, I realize I lived through horrors, shame, lies, slander, public humility, mental and emotional abuse, abandonment, financial control and abuse, and poverty. But still -- I don't feel hatred towards this person. I've run into him a few times over the past 11 years since he left. He is bashful, hangs his head, acts like a shy puppy dog, and tries to strike up conversation...I have been diplomatic and kind each time. One of those occasions was at my job at the mall, where I dodged him and hid behind a clothes rack and proceeded to help a customer. Ten minutes later, "Ken" the ex has the nerve to come back into the store and strike up a conversation - "what are YOU doing, working here?"
My reply - "I helped build the store -- and here I am."

All this time, I still felt ...NOTHING for him. No hatred, no emotion, no sadness, not even regret. I think it's safe to say I've reached the point of FORGIVENESS for this person who used to call me his "Queen" and "Goddess" and "the best thing that ever happened to me."

I wish him well, I really do. Last I heard, he'd moved onto a 3rd marriage. I'll leave that one alone.

This post is about FORGIVENESS, and I truly feel, after moving on and up to better things, I do forgive "Ken." He taught me to stand on my own two feet, to not easily trust people as I had back then, to OWN my power, to believe in myself and myself alone, and I became an entrepreneur of sorts, learning to sell furniture and household goods to feed myself and young daughter, so I've become a master of adaptability, tapping into my God-given gifts of sales, leadership, communications, etc.

That old girl back then in 2008....ugh...I don't even know her!! If I met her today, I'd actually feel ashamed and pity her big time. I'd tell her to pull up her bootstraps and GET THIS DONE, GIRL!

"Ken" -- thank you. I am grateful for you abandoning me. I found myself. I found self love. Self empowerment. I found FREEDOM, not being owned by anyone. I discovered I didn't NEED to be married to someone, to feel validation and worth. I was ALREADY somebody.

To all the abused women out there who think they can't stand on their own two feet -- I urge you to take back your power now -- pack up your things and leave that horrible wretch. God will provide for you, just as he feeds the sparrow.  He will make it possible for you and your children to be fed, sheltered and clothed.

Praying for you always,

xx RR xx

100 Days of Gratitude Challenge -- Day #8 -- Tell A Neighbor Why It's Good To Have Them Closeby

Dear Readers,

We've reached day Number 8 of the Gratitude Challenge! Only 92 more days to go!

Today's challenge is..."Tell a Neighbor Why It's Good to Have Them Closeby."

I want to thank my neighbor down the hall, Michael, for being the one -- and ONLY ONE -- to help my daughter and I during a difficult time when we had nowhere to live. This man stepped up (when so-called friends fell short) and he knew me for only five months, and helped us find a place to live. He stuck his neck out there with me, not knowing one way or the other if he could trust vouching for a woman he hardly knew. But I believe he goes on intuition, and it was telling him to just help out for the sake of helping. When I asked why he did help me, he said "because, you're a wonderful woman." That right there melted my heart.

In Southern Ontario, rents have SOARED in the last year. Two bedroom apartments are renting for $1500 to 2100, depending on what part of town you are in, the scale of neighborhood, or if it's just an older building without major upgrades or renovations, or whether it's a condo-style building, etc.

I was blessed to get into this building two years ago, just under the wire, before the rents became outrageous. No one wanted to rent to a single woman with an 18-year-old daughter. Michael spoke on my behalf to the landlord and got us into this place, because he's just the kind of man who has the power and influence to do such a thing, being 6-foot-4, burly and bearded with huge conversational skills. He could probably sell a pencil to an Eskimo, and quite frankly, I am grateful for those skills!

Side note, I have this weird gift for writing about things before they happen. Michael inspired my book "COMING HOME" -- and I wrote it five months before the apartment was found. I really had no idea that he would, just like the hero in the book, help us find a place to live. It's surreal but really wonderful when this happens!

Without him in our lives, this abode would not be possible, or else I'd be waiting a lot longer, due to the nature of the rental market. I'm deeply grateful for you, Michael, and I want to say thanks, from the bottom of my heart.

Your friend,

RR xo

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Ask a Friend Five Things They Are Grateful For

Dear Readers,

We've reached day #7 in the Gratitude Challenge! So far, I've been able to bless co-workers with compliments, random acts of kindness and lots of laughter!

For strangers, it's a smile...holding a door for them, or compliment they never expected.

In doing these random acts, I can already feel the ripple effect of generosity. People around me seem lighter, more cordial, more engaged in connection. There are also those around me who've blessed me with nice compliments, treats or chocolate, and just showing up with a playful energy.
When you put yourself in the position of GIVING OUT, you somehow magically find yourself at the RECEIVING END also. Wonderful how that works, isn't it?

Even my horoscope for today --Sept 27th-- see below-- hints at the good vibes from these generous interactions.

You might ask, what are five things I am grateful for?

1. My daughter Rachel and her abundant love for me. I am blessed beyond measure to have her in my life!

2. My writing gifts, which I can share with the Universe

3. Friends who accept me for who I am, flaws and all.

4. Nature, autumn, everything pumpkin spice!

5.  Good food! I absolutely love food and not ashamed to say it!

So there you have it! Let's hear your five things of gratitude. I'd love to know your thoughts.

With much passion,

RR xo

100 Days of Gratitude Challenge -- Day 6 -- Tell A Friend Something You Admire About Them

Dear Readers,

It's Day Number Six of the Gratitude Challenge.

Today, get out there and partake in this challenge. Tell a friend something you admire about them.

I want to salute my beautiful, creative, resilient writer friend in Tennessee...Ms Lena Reagon.

The link to her books is posted within this blog post. Please support her!! Lena is a kind, authentic and sweet soul!! a major talented not to be missed.

https://www.amazon.com/s?i=digital-text&rh=p_27%3AL.G.+Reagon&s=relevancerank&text=L.G.+Reagon&ref=dp_byline_sr_ebooks_1

You INSPIRE me, lady!!!

For all you have been through, the storms you have weathered...the shifting sands...the trials...loss of your brother, for the horrors you have suffered...I am deeply honored that you have chosen to be my friend and confidante.

The Universe brought me a unique and wonderful blessing in a soul sister like you!!

You have always supported my writing career... and for that, I am DEEPLY GRATEFUL.

May the sun always shine on you, dear Lena.

May you only know joy, love, laughter and boundless riches!!

Love,

RR xo

The 100- Day GRATITUDE Challenge -- Day #4 -- Say out loud three of your greatest strengths

Dear Readers,

We've hit day #4 for the Gratitude Challenge!

Today, we are saying out loud THREE of our GREATEST STRENGTHS.

Okay, I'll go first...

1. Resilience
2. Passion
3. Patience

There's obviously much more I can add to the list, but I don't want to overwhelm you (wink wink).

I chose RESILIENCE because it's what I've come to know and acquire in the last few decades. Over losses (my Trent's suicide), two failed marriages, jobs that didn't work out the way I wanted them to, plans that fell through (the move to California --sob!!) or people that revealed their wolf faces after dropping the sheep's clothing...whatever it might be...

I learned RESILIENCE...was forced to...because of changing climates and seasons of my life. Am I sorry? Not really. These shifting sands prepare us for heavier times or for titles and positions we have been called to fill. Without the PRESSURE, how is the DIAMOND supposed to be made? I love the meme My Trent sent me before he passed. "You're a Diamond, dear, they can't break you." That man uplifted and supported me like a world class cheerleader and coach!! I am forever changed by his arrival and departure, but always GRATEFUL for the love of Trent Rigel Gardner. Rest in peace, my magnificent music man. XXXX.

Number 2 for my strengths is...PASSION!! Just as the title of my first published book suggests, it is PASSION that has propelled me forward.

Passion to write my books, get up in the morning (even with hypothyroidism and sleep disorder), motivation to inspire people around me...PASSION to keep smiling! to stay the course...to let the world know that I CAN DO THIS THING CALLED LIFE. Yes, Passion is also something you can bring with you to every job interview. I believe it's the main ingredient that has nabbed me the job. Every. Single. Time.

Now, Patience...the third and final strength. Sigh. Had to learn it the hard way. Many seasons of disappointment. Trial after trial, hill after hill, valley after valley, blizzard upon blizzard....well, you get the picture. What was my takeaway from each experience that I was forced to learn Patience? I'd have to honestly say it was just to DROP EXPECTATIONS. Having things pre-planned in your mind sets you up for failure and disappointment, whether it's for that house you planned closing on, that new date you banked on working out (they never called again) or the job offer that fell through (they chose someone more qualified?). Patience has taught me that even in the messiest, hardest times of my life, WHAT'S MEANT FOR ME WILL NEVER PASS ME BY. Solid truth.

Okay, back to the Gratitude thing. Yes, Patience is a virtue, once you learn just why it is a thing for you and why it's good to learn. Because when you're caught in a frenzy trying to do this chaotic life, you literally CANNOT BREATHE and that's when the CLARITY cannot get through to you. Chaos, worry, rushing, hurrying, or any kind of panic will not bring you anything worthwhile or productive. So let yourself SLOW DOWN...BREATHE into the space. allow the convictions and the clarity to come through. Now, what do you feel? Sense? See? Hear?

Patience. Peace of mind. Serenity. Things make sense. Your whole life is going to fall into place now.

List 3 things you are proud of and that make GOOD STRENGTHS for you!  I know you have many...

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

GRATITUDE....SPILLING OVER!!

Dear Readers,

By now, you might have realized in my blog posts that I have begun the 100-day Gratitude Challenge.

Well, tonight my heart is SPILLING OVER...with joy! and MASSIVE, MASSIVE GRATITUDE! Yet another thing to add to the ever-growing list of things has happened today, yet another GIFT to be thankful and proud of.

Tears flood my eyes right now. A treasured friend whom I haven't seen in quite a while just messaged me today and said she's taking me to a VERY SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CONCERT! By none other than celebrated Canadian Country crooner, Johnny Reid!!!!

Lydia...you've made this woman completely and utterly blown away by your kindness. I never saw this coming. Never expected such a beautiful surprise! This is exactly what I've needed. Thank you, from my heart. It's unbelievable.

Working hard for the past two years at a full time, demanding job and still writing my novels, I've immersed myself in "busyness" I think after Trent passed in 2016, as a survival mechanism. We do what we must, to keep trudging on, blazing the trail, moving forward...etc. If there are friends out there whom I've neglected, please blame my head and not my heart. This loss took a MONSTROUS chunk of my heart and my sanity. The long road back to joy, comfort and serenity has been tiring, but I feel a whole lot better now. Nothing prepared me for losing my soulmate, the One I planned forever with. Nothing will fill the gap of Trent's death, and no one can replace him, this much is true. Yet, I'm finding there are ways to REBUILD the life that was broken down and smashed to pieces. Daily, I've taken stock of everything and every little moment that has brought me beauty....as I rebuilt my life from the ground up. Maybe I'm not where I WANT TO BE just yet...but I am surely on my way.

Bouncing back from a major loss takes its toll. I don't think those around me (loved ones and friends) had any idea how crucial and important Trent was to me in the brief 10 months we shared on this earth. Some might have expected me to "just move on" and find a replacement. "Well, it was long distance anyways, and those things never work out." Some of the justifications people stated to me. I think they meant well, and yet didn't really have a clue what the loss encompassed for me.

Three years and three months later, a lot has changed for me. Nothing looks the same for me, nothing at all. Let's see...family home of 35 years was sold off to developer and torn down (another major loss), I was forced to move away from my safe, comfortable and quaint hometown (loss!)...new job arrived too. New faces, new memories to make, new experiences. You know the thing about SUDDEN CHANGE that irks me? It's just so....SUDDEN. For me, that's never been an easy thing. I'm a Taurus...a "fixed" sign. Steadfast, stick in the mud sometimes, and SOLID.  The kind you can depend on. I'm also traditional and wanting to stay in my comfort zone. But then again, no major transformation came from being stuck in the same place for 40-plus years, now has it?

The butterfly had to get her wings. She had to fly, to grace the sky with her pretty wingspan and chart the course by herself and to see new landscapes.

Okay, okay....I shifted gears and went into my gloomy loss story. This blog post is meant to be POSITIVE, uplifting, JOYFUL...

So here goes...

Lydia Jackson, I love you. You're a dynamic woman who has always inspired me to be the best that I can be. I'm not even sure if you realize just how you inspire WOMEN everywhere, but I'm letting you know that this woman has always admired your courage, strength, resilience and creativity. The way you love your family, the method in which you "keep it all together" so gracefully, in spite of life's trials... well, let me tell you, it's a magnificent thing.

Thank you Lydia for being part of my soul tribe. Tonight's gift from you is cherished, and I will treasure it for all time. The hermit in me needs to get out once in a while and experience REAL LIFE, beyond the walls of this cave that holds countless stories and sagas in a writer's brain.

Again, I'm BLESSED with Gratitude. Just in awe, really.

Those who are reading this, I hope you also make your own 100-day Gratitude Challenge and document all the unforeseen gifts all along the way that you acquire. God Bless.

Always cheering for you,

RR xo

100 Day Gratitude Challenge -- Day #3 -- Surround Yourself With Nature and be Grateful For The Sights

Dear Readers,

It's Day Number Three of this Gratitude Challenge which I will be posting about daily!

Today's mantra: "Surround Yourself With Nature and Be Grateful For The Sights."

What in your path today brings you joy when you are out walking or commuting?

I know for myself, it is my absolute FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR -- Autumn -- and incidentally, today is the Autumnal Equinox.

I can't resist those blue skies and fluffy white clouds that seem to float by without a care. The air is cooler and the earth has this wonderful scent of "Goodbye Summer, Hello Fall time." Trees that have been around for many decades are losing their leaves before the younger ones do in early to mid-October. Southern Ontario (GTA) has some really majestic scenery, depending where you are.

Farmer fields and rolling hills with magenta-tangerine sunsets have always been my favorite. The sunrise lately has been a lovely periwinkle-mauve-grey with splashes of hot pink across the canvas. Even if you're in the city, you can glimpse the trees shedding their leaves and some other older, quaint homes with fireplaces are burning logs, creating an atmosphere that is irresistible. I just love the scent of a wood-burning fireplace when I'm strolling past a storybook village or nice community.

I am sharing a poem that I just learned! It's beautiful:

Lord: it is time. The summer was immense.
Let thine shadows upon the sundials fall,
and unleash the winds upon the open fields.

Command the last fruits into fullness;
give them just two more ripe, southern days,
urge them into completion and press
the last bit of sweetness into the heavy wine.

He who has no house now, will no longer build.
He who is alone now, will stay alone,
will awake in the night, read, write long letters,
and will wander restlessly along the avenues,
back and forth, as the leaves begin to blow.

                         Rainer Maria Rilke
                               (tr. Cliff Crego)

http://picture-poems.com/week4/autumnday.html

What is YOUR favorite part about fall time and Nature? What are you grateful for this time of year, and what steals your breath away? A few of the pics in this blog post belong to my own past memories of Autumn - October 2013. Hope you enjoy!

Please do share! I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Love,

RR xo

100 days of GRATITUDE: Day #2 - Tell A Friend At Lunch Why You're Grateful for Them

Dear Readers,

It is Day #2 of the "100 Day Gratitude Challenge."

Today's challenge is:

"Tell a friend at lunch why you're grateful for them."

Easy to do, right?

Take a special friend for lunch and show them what they mean to you! Perhaps it's that English major buddy who edited your manuscript faithfully...or maybe a good gal pal who has endured some sob stories in the past, or then again, it could be your mentor who helped you through hard times, encouraged you on a job search, or just lent an ear when your partner suicided.

Whatever the case might be or whomever might be on your mind...go ahead and TELL THEM!! Your people need to hear it. They need to know you LOVE THEM!!!

As always,

Stay Passionate,

RR xo

The 100 Day GRATITUDE Challenge

Dear Readers,

Starting Sept 21st, I am taking part in "The 100 Day Gratitude Challenge."

Each day, I will be counting down and noting what I am GRATEFUL for that specific day.

Day #1 begins:

"Write a list of all the positive emotions you've felt today."

1. Grateful
2. Happy for extra sleep
3. Weekend is here! That makes me smile
4. I love my daughter!!
5. I feel BLESSED that my friend Lena is always there for me!
6. I feel EXTRA BLESSED that my soul sister Janet G is always there for me!
7. I love my other soul sister Carol D and she always gives me a laugh when I need it! I feel joyful about her.
8. Happy for my pumpkin spice iced capp today!! and Tim Hortons breakfast sandwich to fill my tummy.
9. REALLY GRATEFUL that I have full time work that not only provides a roof over our heads, but clothing, beverages, treats, coffee, and miscellaneous other things that females need!! Beauty supplies!!! Earl grey vanilla tea...green tea...chai tea!!! The list is endless.
10. I feel ELATED that I have a wonderful mentor and friend for life who is always ready to lend a helping hand or an ear to listen when I need him. Thank you from my heart, MR KELLY GRANT MITCHELL. XOXO

11. I am breathing. I am productive. I am flourishing. I AM SAFE.

Come on, readers. Let's make your own list and see how may POSITIVE emotions you can list.

Cheering for you,

RR xo

FALL TIME IS IN THE AIR...

Dear Readers,

Can you feel it?

That certain Fall Feeling? There's a slight dampness in the air and the nights are getting a bit chilly. Crisp Autumn nights are right around the corner in a matter of days. Soon, in Southern Ontario, we will bask in the changing landscape of smoky skies, the crunch of leaves under foot.

Falling leaves, in orange, lemony yellow, scarlet...

The sunsets will be a nice shade of baby blue with a fuchsia or perhaps blush pink that steals your breath away as it lingers before the sun dips low behind the hills.

Starry nights and clear skies. Sweater weather. Bonfires with their curling plume of smoke that billows to an onyx sky.

A loved one's arms  will wrap around closer than ever to warm you on a chilly night. Perhaps a favorite beverage close  at hand? Peppermint tea or Earl Grey...hot apple cider...or Starbucks Pumpkin Spice (my favorite seasonal drink).

Tonight, I felt inspired by Fall time and pulled out some recipes that were perfect for cooler weather. What did I end up choosing, you ask? Well, I settled on a delicious veggie curry with a side of piping hot rice.

The recipe is in the link at the bottom. I hope you enjoy it like I did tonight!

https://tasty.co/recipe/simple-veggie-curry

My hopes for you this Fall are that you find love or enjoy some playtime to the max! Get out there and revel in the exquisite scenery. Perhaps catch a Fall Fair, music festival, or other community gathering that celebrates the season.

Please don't stay stuck inside...REALLY FEEL THIS SEASON...CELEBRATE!! I know I will be. Every day. It's my absolute favorite time of the year. I only wish it lasted longer.

Cheering for you always,

Stay romantic,

RR xo

ALL ALONG, I WAS A SOMEBODY

Dear Readers,

Does any of the following sound familiar?

When I grow up, I'm going to BE SOMEBODY.

When I'm older, I'll be a millionaire, debt free, with a huge house, nice car, and all the material goods, toys, yacht, motorhome, house in the Hamptons, luxury clothes, and others will envy me for it. Then, and only then, will I BE SOMEBODY.

When I find "the right person" then I will BE SOMEBODY.

When I marry into money, I'll BE SOMEBODY.

When I finally publish that screenplay or bestselling book, I'LL BE SOMEBODY.

When I'm the news anchor for a major network on TV, then I will BE SOMEBODY.

When I get that PhD in medicine, philosophy or physics, I'll finally BE SOMEBODY.

When I buy that classic car and cruise through my neighborhood and down the freeway with the wind in my hair, I'll BE SOMEBODY.

When I lose 50 pounds and look like Heidi Klum in a tight fitting cocktail dress, men will chase me and fall at my feet, and dammit, I'll BE SOMEBODY.

When I get that Botox, breast augmentation, or other cosmetic surgery to "fix" my God-given face and body, and if I Keep Up With The Kardashians,  then I will finally BE SOMEBODY.

When I've booked that vacation to the Caribbean and I'm on the beach in my hot pink bikini showing the world my tight body, then I will BE SOMEBODY.

How many of these limiting beliefs did you recognize about yourself?

I know I definitely did. While I was growing up in a blue collar family, these beliefs were projected onto me and indoctrinated heavily into my innocent mind, and I grew up believing if I was blue-eyed and sun-kissed with a size 2 body and long, flowing blond hair down my back like Christie Brinkley or Niki Taylor, then I would finally BE LOVED AND ADORED BY MEN.
My mother did all this to me. She was always on a "30 day fast" to lose 30 pounds. She told me all my life, if you don't keep your figure slim at size 6 or your weight at around 107 pounds, then you will deceive your husband for not staying the original size in which he met you.
She was constantly on a diet, obsessing over food and weight. Luckily, I never went that route. I did one day grow up, get married and have a child. I lost my slim figure and traded it in for a shapely but healthy woman's figure "with curves." Guess what happened? Men STILL chased me. In fact, I got more attention with those curves. I had CONFIDENCE and SELF ESTEEM, knowing I had grown into my own skin, the body that God gave me, even with society-dubbed "flaws" -- and it was fine!!

All my life, I was told "you'll be a somebody...if only you had A, B, and C..."

Later, in my thirties, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism/Hashimoto's which wreaked havoc on my immune system, hormones and weight. Mom's voice again chanted at me: "lose 40 pounds and a man will love you."

My heart sank. I couldn't imagine that a parent could place such strict conditions on her love for her daughter. What she was REALLY saying was "Rochelle, I don't accept you the way you look right now. Lose some weight and I'll show you off to my friends and family. You can be my trophy."

Women much bigger than me....even ones at 300 pounds...were seen walking in public holding hands with a man who seemed to adore them. The whole thing seemed puzzling to me and untrue.

In 2015, the best match of my life came along, and he treated me like a QUEEN. He was an influential and well-respected music man in the San Francisco area, a powerful vocalist, superb keyboard player and trombonist, who'd worked with Steve Walsh of Kansas, the guitarist from Dream Theater, CHICAGO the band, even Jon Anderson of the famed YES group. Trent loved and adored me JUST THE WAY I WAS. I remember singing him the Billy Joel song with similar lyric and he laughed at me. But I'd made my point. I'll love you just the way you are.

Funny thing....women were chasing him...ATTRACTIVE women too with glamorous clothes, tight bodies and nice cars. But he didn't want them. I once asked him "Trent, why is that you're seeing a woman 2200 miles away...when all the glamorous women are right in your hometown...tonnes of them?"

He replied: "Because, Rochelle, you're REAL." Then he explained that my transparency, authenticity, lack of physical alterations and natural beauty made him fall in love with me. My vulnerability and willingness to SHOW UP, just as I am. He said that's what did it for him. No amount of "perfection" was going to sway him otherwise.

Today, I think of his kind words, the wisdom he shared with me, his loving devotion...and it makes my heart hurt for the women out there who sit in self doubt, punish themselves with one more diet, one more surgery, another pair of designer shoes bought to fill that void. My heart aches for the ladies who believe they are not worthy enough to experience the love that I had with Trent. Deep, magnificent, soul-stirring love that changes the game entirely. Conscious love. The AWAKENED KIND.

All along, I know I was a SOMEBODY.

No amount of money, or fancy degrees framed on the wall, luxury cars, mansions, Manolo shoes, Botox, size 2 dresses or marriages of influence were going to VALIDATE ME.

All along, I had THE POWER.

I hope you too can look in the mirror and love yourself and know that you're a SOMEBODY.

My prayer for you today is to simply exercise SELF COMPASSION and self care rituals. To go deep within and find that little girl who was taught those horrible limiting beliefs, and give her a big hug. Tell her how loved she really is. That she only needed to show up AUTHENTICALLY and she learn she

could make a difference on this hurting world.

I hope you know, dear readers, how much you REALLY, TRULY ARE A SOMEBODY.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

SURVIVOR'S GUILT AFTER A SUICIDE LOSS

Dear Readers,

This is a sensitive topic, since you know by now that I lost my soulmate, Trent Gardner on June 11, 2016 to suicide. He was a brilliant man, a musical mastermind, a producing powerhouse in the studio, with a range and perfect pitch that rivaled Peter Cetera of the legendary rock band CHICAGO.  He worked with legends like Steve Walsh of KANSAS and Jon Anderson of YES.
Trent was, what I believed him to be, high functioning bi-polar with paranoia, but UNDIAGNOSED.

He never spoke of being depressed. He never shared that he was lost and hurting. He suffered in silence, to dodge the stigma of being a man born in 1961 and having mental health issues. The shame he carried was unbelievable and I knew deep down, something was very wrong. Yet I couldn't help him. No one could. He isolated himself and pushed everyone away from him, rather than reaching out and letting me know how deep he'd gone to the point of no return.

Trent was a retired police officer from the Vallejo, California police force. He was a huge teddy bear, and a big warm bundle of empathy. His brilliance, intelligence, kindness and tenderness with me...Oh My...I can't fully articulate here what it all meant to me. Simply put, he was LOVED BEYOND MEASURE.

Still, 3 years later, I'm still in shock over his death. This man loved me SO MUCH! He made me feel loved, validated me, supported, and he was my biggest cheerleader and confidante. I could be totally unabashedly myself and he accepted me that way, warts, freckles, scars, flaws, quirks and all. Life with Trent was an adventure of the heart....amazing!!!

But for a long time, I carried a copious amount of SURVIVOR'S GUILT over the death. Like, come on, I was going to marry him and give him a child....so how could I possibly miss THE SIGNS that he was going to open his mouth and place a gun in there? How blind could I be, right?

Being a survivor of suicide loss is a heavy cross to bear. Unless you've gone through it yourself, you really don't have a clue how heartwrenching the pain is. All the things we run through our minds...after the fact. After they've pulled the trigger, swallowed the entire bottle of pills, or hung themselves from the ceiling. Why didn't I do something? Why didn't I see it? How could I not PLAY GOD and stop him/her from executing that horrific and fatal act? After all, I AM Joe Hero.....or Wonder Woman.....I have superpowers...I can take on the world and be INVINCIBLE. This should be a piece of cake. Stop someone from hearing the voices, alleviate their suffering, somehow magically banish all the pain they've endured since they were born. NOOO!!!!!!!

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD....STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP!!!

NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. HONESTLY. SINCERELY. PLEASE, JUST STOP THE BLAME GAME. THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE.

Our loved one who suicided....had it planned out for a long time. They battled their demons and fought the good fight...til the bitter end. You couldn't have held their hand, eased their troubles, and monitored them 24 hours a day....just to prevent this. How exhausting that would be!!! You would have to give up so much of YOUR OWN sanity, just to keep them alive. And even then, we have no guarantee of that.

Guilt is like a poison. It's like drinking an entire bottle of Clorox and expecting to be "okay" after that. NOOO! What happens? You die from the repercussions.

Your loved one KNOWS you did your best. They're crossed over safely to THE OTHER SIDE, living in the Divine White Light, and basking in the glory of being healed. In their haven of Paradise, they're smiling down at us...wishing we could only see how perfect they are now, in God's Hands.

Please, if there is any takeaway from this blog post...let it be simply knowing...you did your best.

I mean that. Sincerely. Deeply.

Sending massive love to you,

RR xo

GRIEFWORK AND WHY IT'S NEVER DONE AND OVER WITH

Dear Readers,

Today I feel called to write about grief work and the repercussions of losing a loved one. This post is not meant to celebrate sorrow at all, but rather, to highlight what might encompass the work we need to do in our grief journey.

If you think there's a timeline on your grief, then you are absolutely DEAD WRONG. Grief has no timeline, no COMPLETION DATE, no FINALLY-I-PASSED-THE-FINISH LINE.

YOUR GRIEF IS FOREVER. YOUR LOSS DEEPLY PERSONAL. YOU WILL GRIEVE YOUR LOVED ONE'S DEPARTURE TIL YOU TAKE YOUR LAST BREATH.

I'm not trying to scare you or be melodramatic. I am only speaking truth. Let's be as transparent as possible, shall we?

To say your loved one has passed on and met the pearly gates and poof, they are gone forever is dismissive and rather dull, don't you think? While they walked this earth, they were vibrant, BOLD and celebrated life in all their TECHNICOLOR SPLENDOR, so now tell me...how do you expect them to just be a tiny wisp of vapor in the grand scheme of things? Ancient history in the broad spectrum of the silver screen of life that is pulsing with action and excitement. Please. Spare me.

Let me tell you what I think about this grief work. It's called WORK for a reason. We shift and stumble in our grief journey, we have valleys and peaks, we will crest the highest mountain with joy one moment and be down in death valley the next. One sunny day, we'll think we are "FINALLY PAST IT"and whoopeee!!! I feel so much better!!! I'll never shed another tear again. WRONG. DEAD WRONG. Your grief journey, I am sorry to say, follows you like your own shadow. It's everywhere and down every avenue and alley way.

It's the scent of perfume on a lady passing by or the hint of aftershave on a man who crosses your path and sends your senses reeling back to that moment in time when they were in your arms or closeby in a warm conversation...it's the song that randomly comes on in Safeway as you bag your Granny Smith apples or choose your favorite cereal. Grief work is the random name a passing person calls out in a crowd..."come here Zach" a mother calls out to her tousled haired boy....and you freeze on the spot and feel numb all over, just like the day you found out they'd breathed their last breath and they were never coming back. Or perhaps it's the woman who calls out "Trent" in the midst of your deep thoughts while fulfilling an important errand. It could also be the license plate on a car in front of you that says SANDY22 that suddenly makes the dam bust open and the last 15 years you lost with Sandy come rushing back and you suddenly recall that you've lost many years with your loved one and the kids that she should've raised with you have all grown up right before your eyes and gone off to college! Oh the heartbreak! Oh the sensations! Now the dam has busted and you're trying to wipe your eyes and see the road ahead as you drive. See how real this grief thing is?

Sorry to make the floodgates open all over again. It's just that tonight I've felt convicted to share the feelings in my heart and how my own loss has altered, broken and molded me into the woman that I am today. I have no one else to thank but my Loving Trent who took his life on a sunny Saturday morning at 6:00 a.m. Pacific time on June 11, 2016 in Vacaville, California with a gun in his mouth in his own front yard. Trent Rigel Gardner, the musical mastermind, the poet, the unassuming rock star, the private man with paranoia who suffered in silence, the brilliant, courageous cop, the loving father, the caring soulmate, the provider and protector who fought his demons till the bitter end. He loved me so hard and deeply, was my best friend and confidante, and he loved me JUST AS I AM, the way no one else ever could. Never made me change, never criticized or belittled me, or expected anything other than my own magnificent self.  I celebrate him today and always. For, meeting him has made me a better woman. I've grown, I've cried, I've sobbed like a baby, become a hot mess, was confused and lost, and found my way (gratefully) through my grief journey, and 3 years later, I'm here to tell my story of victory. Trent I love you forever. I'm proud of who I've become through this process and what I've learned. I wouldn't change a single thing and I don't regret loving you.

So you see, this "grief work" is eternal. It never changes and it never goes away. Our loved one(s) walk beside us daily. We learn as we go, pick ourselves up off the ground and straighten ourselves out. We chide ourselves for not being "over it yet" and how dare we cry silently in secret corners or private rooms when we've certainly had "long enough" to process and get over this thing called loss.

Don't beat yourself up and don't you dare chastise yourself for not wiping the slate clean. Your memories, feelings, emotions, love and passion are all VERY REAL AND VALID parts of the grief journey. Embrace who you are, always remember your loved one, and learn to welcome the flood of tears when they come. Because as they say, where there was GREAT LOVE there is also DEEP GRIEF. For sorrow is the price you must pay for loving someone so completely.

Finally, I'm here to commend and salute you for the courage you've shown in your grief work. Bravo!!! Round of applause! Keep going!!! It never ends, but it does get better, I promise you.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

PASSION!!! RE-RELEASE!!!! FREE ON KINDLE From July 9 to 13th!!!

Dear Readers,

Get my book PASSION for FREE!!! It's a re-release party for my novel!!!! To celebrate 7 years since its inception....I am offering it FREE on Kindle July 9 to 13th!!!

Grab your copy today!!!!

Much love,

RR xo

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07TX7X4SW

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO MY LOVING TRENT IN HEAVEN!! MISS YOU MORE THAN WORDS

Just a little note to My Trent in Heaven.

Today was hard. He isn't here beside me and I didn't get to go to dinner with him and share tender moments.

But my heart remembers him every. single. day. every. single. moment.

Miss you Trent. Love you eternally!!

With all my love and my heart...

till we meet again!!

Your Queen,

RR xo