TEMPEST (working title) new novel 3/22/14

Stormie McClelland has fire in her soul and a tempest in her veins. She's no stranger to chaos, being born in the eye of a brutal thunderstorm that took the life of her father, while leaving her mother a widow at 22. Life has always been a challenge she's been forced to deal with, but that has made her stronger than steel. Always the fighter, it has become her blessing and worst enemy, since women admire her and men fear her. Love for that reason has always eluded her, and so she has accepted her lot in life as a lone wolf.  

  Don Castle is a prominent landowner and millionaire in the town of Wild Vines, a sprawling spread of lush landscape bordering Niagara-on-the Lake, deep in the heart of wine country and the richest tourist attractions all summer long. Don, handsome, suave and late forties is sought after by all the available women in Wild Vines, but he has become bored with the limited selection of Botox Barbie dolls and gold diggers.  When he collides with Stormie in a showdown over land rights, he is awakened by her stunning dark beauty and feisty attitude. Finally, a woman who hates him and stands out from the crowd. He is hooked. There's just one problem: Stormie curses the day he was born, and that poses a real challenge. 

  During the thunderstorm of the year, their lives will change in the blink of an eye. Tragedy will come with a vengeance, people bearing bad blood will band together, and soon two hearts will be forced to face one another, like it or not. Thrown together by a car crash that nearly takes their lives, two lonely souls will find the courage to face all their demons and put trivial things behind them, in a quest for survival and above all, the miraculous healing power of love. 

--Rochelle Renee  3/22/14 

SUPERNATURAL BLESSINGS

When was the last time you made a wish to the heavens or sent a prayer to God for something you really needed, in your moment of dire need? How did the end result materialize? Was your wish granted?

Recently, I suffered a disappointment in a personal matter, and I was grieving the loss of this person in my life; it felt like a death, and I was seriously blindsided by the crippling pain I felt over the incident. Its crushing blow left me with a gaping hole so deep in my heart, that it brought suppressed feelings from my failed marriage to the surface, forcing me to deal with it all over again.

Yesterday with the mild weather, I decided to get some fresh air and go for a power walk, hoping to get some clarity and inner peace. The plan was to go to the bank, get some money out, grab a coffee at Tim Horton's and catch a bus to another town some 13 miles away to see my friend, Renee, and her new baby.

Heading down the street, I said a prayer: "God, I'm weary today and do not want to take 3 buses to get to my friend's place. Please send a driver." That was a good 90 minute trip(with the 3 bus transfers it took one way), and my grief was consuming me over this issue in my life.
Of course, it seemed like a far fetched idea, to have a driver appear out of nowhere, someone I knew and trusted, right?

In the next breath, I looked at the sky and said, "Where is Donald when I need him?" Being heartbroken over this one particular other guy, I figured the only thing that would comfort me right now was to get my mind on this heart throb named Don who God had placed in my path just 7 weeks before. My heart would just soar when I saw him, he was that good looking, suave and engaging; my dream man personified. At 6-foot-4, broad shouldered, piercing, steel blue eyes and great hair, he made me swoon.

About forty minutes later, I had done my banking and coffee run, was crossing the street at the red light, and there was a single vehicle waiting there. My eyes instantly went to the black GM Suburban with the male driver and my heart stopped. It was Donald, my handsome satellite installer, who had given me wireless internet just seven weeks before, and had left a lasting impression. I could not get him out of my mind, and constantly, wished I could run into him in the small town where I live. (Come on now, there were only a few thousand people living here, so how impossible could it be, to  see him?)

Suddenly, I felt prickles of delight rush over my skin. Glancing at him, I waved shyly. He waved back, pointing south bound, and signalling "are you going that way?" I nodded, and he gestured for me to come before the light changed to green. There was no hesitation here on my part at all.  I got in. Riding along with him was pure bliss, being so close there beside me, and I was on cloud nine. Those blue eyes melted me, and his charismatic voice and manner set me at ease.

The wonder and beauty of that moment just took my breath away. I believe it was a supernatural blessing from the hand of God; there is no other explanation for having a wish granted so quickly, in less than an hour of requesting it. Better still, with the one man of my dreams, whom I'd wished to run into for seven weeks. I could not believe my luck!

As we drove, he asked me how my satellite signal was working, and I mentioned it had its issues periodically, but overall, it was fine. Openly, we chatted about our kids (who attend the same high school), about work, and various other things. He opened up to me, sharing important details on his life growing up that touched my heart, and I thought it was amazing to hear about it, as well as a death in the family that impacted him dramatically.

That was not the only miraculous part, it was the fact that we were conversing so effortlessly, like two people with a strong connection, who'd known each other for a long time. Gone were the previous nerves that I always felt around him, because his presence usually made me intimidated. Now, though, I saw him as a good friend and the interaction was painless.

Donald saved me over an hour of travel time, got me there safely in good hands, and he made me smile the entire way there, as we shared lighthearted banter that chased away the earlier grief that had been consuming me. He was my godsend, and I felt my heart swell with pride, catching his intent gaze as he spoke, and feeling those butterflies take wing in my mid section. The miracle at finding him has been monumental for me; I now regard him as one of my favourite men, and trust me, that's a rare confession coming from me.

What a blessing, to know that my heart was so heavy that day, and I felt I could not endure, with the pain I had been suffering. How greater a blessing was it that I asked God to send Donald, and here he was! I shiver with pleasure over the fact that this amazing thing happened to me at all. Miracles, if we keep our hearts open, are everywhere, and we should always be receptive and aware of them at all times.

This story serves as a beautiful reminder that we need to thank our Maker for the supernatural gifts he brings us, whether randomly or in our times of need. I know without a doubt I will never forget the significance of this act of kindness from Don. He doesn't know it, but he's helping with the recovery process, and it's something I'm infinitely grateful for.

When in your life have you had the chance to experience a supernatural blessing? How did it impact you during that time and was it an answered prayer in your darkest moment?

The Passion Chronicles would like to know your story. Feel free to share anytime.

Love and Peace,

~ RR <3

HEROES OF OUR HEARTS

 Romantic love is one kind of love that I like to celebrate here at the Passion Chronicles, but this blog today is dedicated to the ‘other’ loves of our lives, the Ones who fill us with passion, inspire us to become better, more evolved, happier, fitter, stronger, braver, more dedicated to our craft, whether through our career or artistry, or just via personal, spiritual evolution.

  Today, I want to salute one such hero of my heart, and he is Mr. Kelly Mitchell. In January of this year, I published a Local Heroes segment in the newspaper, saluting him, his career, and the profound impact that he has had on me.  Mitcho, as I like to call him fondly, is my personal hero and muse for some of the fiction writing that takes up a huge mass of my heart and time. When he found out he was nominated (personal email arrived to his inbox from the newspaper), he was elated to have been given this award. In a career spanning more than 20 years, Mitcho has been encouraging and mentoring people with job search and resumes, and he does an amazing job at it.

 For me, however, it was more than just taking a resume writing class with him. It all began on a mild Halloween Monday, when I decided to take this two week class that he taught. Since that day, I have been forever impacted by his guidance, expertise and charisma. If I could use the title Earth Angel for him (yes, he is going to roll his eyes at me) then that is the role I surely see him in. Let me share the reasons that he and seemed to jive well in this interaction. First, I had gone through a bitter marital breakup with a "Kelly"and had a hard time not cringing whenever the name was called out somewhere randomly in public. Getting over the aftermath from that bad experience definitely helped me to see that not all Kelly`s were bad news. Secondly, I had this burning hatred for men; the wreckage my heart experienced from that heartbreak definitely left me with no trust at all for the male species, save for the few male friends I had that were strictly platonic.  But Mitcho definitely helped me (indirectly) overcome these bitter feelings and advanced the healing process. For that, I am eternally grateful. So in many ways, he is not only a teacher, but a healer, too; imagine that!

  Fiction writing has been a blazing passion of mine since I was seven. First, it was short stories about ponies and elephants, and then by age 14, it progressed to novels. In my teens, I was consumed with writing novels, but then I hit a roadblock in my twenties and could not finish a novel if my life depended on it. Writer`s block was a serious blockade for me that lasted far too long.

   Fast forward to Halloween 2011, and there I was, among the class, meeting this brilliant mind and winning personality who would forever have an imprint on me, not only changing the way I saw people, but transforming my entire world. Mitcho is a shining example of someone who truly loves his job, who mentors people one-on-one, with a compassion and concern I have rarely seen in a teacher. He has become that One who inspires my writing, and in seven short weeks, I wrote a novel called `Passion` that I am truly proud of; it comes after a 13 year hiatus of severe writer`s block, where no novels came to fruition during the driest period of my writing career.

  How can one person impact another so deeply ? It seems the human spirit connects with others on a level we cannot always fathom, yet it is always timely and much needed. The interesting part is that writing resume`s has nothing to do with writing novels, but his influence on my personal growth and self-love seemed to blossom in a surreal way. The gift of Kelly Mitchell in my life is something I will always cherish, and I imagine his family is eternally grateful to God for experiencing daily the priceless gift that he represents to them as well.

  When you find a hero of the heart who is platonic, hold onto him or her, please; do not take for granted that these amazing people are placed in our path for mentoring, growth, or to show compassion, are truly here to help us unravel the layers, to heal those broken parts of us, or to help us progress to that higher level we have been seeking. I do not know what my life would be like without the presence of Mitcho. There`s a level of human connection between us that is special, significant, intellectual, but most of all, symbolic for me. His birthday even coincides with my favorite bible verse that got me through the hardest times of my life: `To appoint unto them beauty in the place of ashes.` (Isaiah 61:3)  Paying attention to numbers always has a significant role for me, and the 613 caught my eye, causing me to take note.

   So to the hero of my heart, aiding me (indirectly) in the writing process, helping me to see the good in others, letting me be the person God created me to be, and just being there when I need a friend to talk to, I want to salute you, Mitcho. Because you make life seem easy and you`re a dream come true, to those who are hurting and need a gentle hand to guide them back to their destined path.

Thank you.

Love and Peace,

 ~RR <3

The Broken Hearts Club

Love and other casualties. This is the age old dilemma, friends. Love that has been won and lost, making for a shambles of good hearts everywhere.


I know some people who walk around with a permanent chip on their shoulder, bitter at the love that has scorned them. It's not a pretty sight, and it makes a mockery of decent hearts that deserved love for life, for all the right reasons. I really wish I could breathe life into those battered hearts that have given up on the chance at finding genuine love, because some of its victims wander around with no true intent, breaking more hearts and leaving a trail of wreckage as they go.


Welcome to the Broken Hearts Club, where love has slammed the door on those who gave it their best shot, to the bitter end. No one is immune to heartbreak, not anywhere in this world. Put your walls up sky high, and some fox still gets in somewhere. Heads up, those granite walls you built all around you like a fortress, they come down sooner or later, with the emergence of some riveting green eyes, or a dazzling smile you never saw coming. You might feel them start to crumble, with the warmth of a romantic dinner, or fragrant rose petals on bedspread,  and the pure ambiance of candlelight, or perhaps dialogue from the smoothest talker, whispering sultry words of promise in your ear. Just try to run from love, when it's needed so badly in your longing heart, and you make all the excuses available in your little book of rules, and guess what? Love still comes calling, when you have your bulletproof vest on and that big chip on your shoulder. It comes on the gentlest February breeze, from a little riverside town, 80 miles away, whether you like it or not. Sometimes it's sitting beside you in the Native Studies class at University, or it comes waltzing in on a cold winter night at the Dora Keogh Irish pub, roguish, sly and leather-clad, amid the acoustic trio playing sensational tunes and abundant camaraderie from the happy patrons.


Try running from its force, and you don't stand a chance; love holds the force of a hurricane, the depth of an ocean, and in moments, you are swept away by its magnitude. The heart always knows what it needs, regardless of the thousand little lies we tell ourselves. That's because it's beating constantly, pumping life force into us, 24 hours a day, reminding us that we are human, ALIVE, feeling and deserving of its essence... and like a clock, still ticking, beat by beat, measure by measure, we realize that though love breaks us down, it is just as conniving around the corner, like a thief in the night, waiting to swoop down and carry us away on wings of promise, renewing us and giving us that sense of hope that, although we paid the price of a love gone wrong, we still deserve to have its beauty and reward.


Broken hearts need mending, and those who do not allow themselves the "gift" of healing are sadly mistaken. Blaming oneself for what went wrong is not the remedy. We cannot mend if we are constantly blaming ourselves for that marriage that ended prematurely, the spouse who abandoned us "too soon" or the brand new love that seemed so perfect, so compatible, that somehow did not get off the ground, as we anticipated.


Running away is worse, still. I have seen runners, and they are the saddest, emptiest people. They often times have the most supportive circle of friends and potential mates encompassing them, but they decided to sabotage all the good and take off in lightning-quick speed. Far, far away from the love that they deserve but refuse to see or FEEL. They become numb, totally devoid, and they let the hurt build up even higher, masking all the pain that they never dealt with properly. Love leaves us like death, and when we do not grieve it properly, wish it well and send it on a proper burial, the most heart wrenching fact is that we walk around so bitterly with our battle scars, preying on the innocent lovers who did nothing to cause that pain; they, though, become the next victims of this ruined love. Sincere people who do not deserve to suffer at the hands of your tragedy, who only want to help, they become the next casualties of your pain.


Therapy is the answer. If you cannot afford a professional, try a friend who is qualified in matters of the heart, educated, sensible, compassionate, understanding, willing to aid in the healing process. There are books, videos, blogs, countless measures of self-help that are at our fingertips at bookstores and libraries everywhere. I found during the healing process of my failed marriage, the best therapy was music, and plenty of it, all day long, and night time too, before bed. That was the loneliest time. In the dead of winter, too, if you imagine, just days after New Year's. The song that was pivotal for me in helping me heal is an oldie by The Lettermen, called "You'll Never Walk Alone." (Look for the link at the bottom on this blog).

During my recovery, I also had the good fortune to get free counseling from my trusted family friend, Pastor Earl Inman. He was a godsend, truly, and he helped me get back on track and into my heart space, forgiving myself, and showing me that there is in fact life after love has departed. He is one of my personal heroes, and a fellow Taurus too, because he is a strong man of God, his faith solid as a rock. Earl who lost his wife and son, so he is no stranger to loss, and he is a shining example of "life going on." This life motto left a huge imprint on my soul, and I am forever grateful for his wisdom, guidance and mentoring. God sent some amazing men into my life for my own healing, and they have helped me not only with my faith, but with my journey as a writer. Ironic, right, that a man shattered my heart and abandoned me, and now in the place of him came MEN who showed me just how beautiful life can be, while a heart is on the mend.


Let love be the therapy for love that was lost. You can do this. You do not have to face the pain all alone. Pain is a fleeting thing, not permanent, and it takes time to heal and let the wounds close up. The love you let back into your heart will be the saving grace that brings you back to life. Right now, in your slumber of grieving, you cannot feel the beauty that is waiting in the wings, and that is understandable. I cannot emphasize enough how much pain or loss I have faced on this journey, but my heart is a fighter and it gets back in the race every time. It is what has shaped me into the tender, passionate, sensual, strong, valiant Empath that I am today. Without the loss and tragedy, there would be no true, well-rounded, authentic me. Now what fun would that be? Imagine all the lessons and adventures I would have missed along the way!


My prayer for you today is that you will bestow the gift of love upon your shattered heart, and let the wounds heal. Do not become bitter that he or she left you, when you feel that they really should have stayed by your side. Nothing is forever in this life, and we do not readily have the answers for every little shocking departure or letdown. There is one definite thing, though: We are born alone, and we will die, ALONE.


Comfort can be found in knowing that life goes on. The Broken Hearts Club wants to assure you that beauty is waiting around the corner, if you will only answer the door.


Love and Peace,


~ RR <3




P.S. a link to help with the healing process. Enjoy :)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F6Ub2URvpU

LOVE AND TRUTH GO HAND-IN-HAND

To those who claim to know what love is, I'm sure we would get countless mixed versions on the subject.
Love is, after all, definitive on each individual viewpoint or experience. While love is certainly an age-old study, there are many facets to explore, many avenues of love to learn about.

Today, I want to  propose the concept of love and truth working hand-in-hand, in harmony. Without truth, there are no grounds for trust. Keep trust out of the equation, and you do not have a solid foundation on which to build a lasting thing.

I've met people who toss around the word LOVE as though it were candy. I have also heard the term "TRUST ME" by someone who was the least trustworthy individual out there. Why people think the light of day won't come flooding into the room and shine on the truth, is beyond me.

Honestly, tell someone up front why you are here. It makes no sense, other than for your own carnal gain, to be shady with your agenda. If you're a traveler just drifting through this town of love, then keep moving. Good hearts do not need to be played or bruised and battered, on a sick, twisted ploy to get your momentary pleasure.

Sometimes love comes disguised, well-packaged, in flowers and chocolates, fancy dinners, meeting one's child, cruising around old haunts and showing you their beloved hometown, with the stereo cranked, and warm camaraderie shared between two soulful people, who seemingly share so much in common, in terms of love, parenting, life experience, and spiritual connection. It comes with poetry and heartfelt text messages or emails, flooding in like a tsunami, so convincing and beautiful, drenched in pretty promises.

Then the person tosses around the term "soul mates" and off go the warning bells. "We're destined for one another," is the other classic line. Whoa....wait, slow down, we've only just met. All this effort you're putting out is noble of you, and frankly, yes I'm flattered that you think of me this way, but can we not just ease into this, get to know one another, without the fancy lines and well-glossed chatter?

I have seen love come on strong, hot and heavy, and it fades out just as fast. For God's sake, what is the rush, people? Take the time to enjoy the person, and stop the panic and madness! They're not going anywhere. It's not the deep discount aisle at the local No Frills. If they care for you and it's going to happen, you don't need to manipulate them, pull them in with your schemes, and then run away.

Be truthful. Be direct. Stop playing games. Real people do not "score" like the notch in one's belt or the check mark on one's grocery list.Why do some people feel the need to hide, to conceal, or create one big sham of a performance? In the end, the only person you end up hurting long-term is YOURSELF. You create a trail of discarded hearts, a mess of memories that should have had more significance if you had only stopped to care for these people you left behind in the dust, and then you spend your final days on earth all alone, because your reckless, heartless ways turned you into an unworthy soul whom no one wants to take a chance on, simply because no one TRUSTS you.

At the end of the day, let love and truth go hand-in-hand. Be the difference you want to see in the spectrum of love, and in a world that needs your light. By being truthful to those within your circle, you can make a difference. Games belong on the court, on the ice rink, or the ball diamond, but never where sincere hearts are concerned.

Trusting that love and truth will be your mantra today...

Peace,

~RR <3

KINDNESS

How many of us could use some kindness, on the days when we feel "unkind" or unloveable?

Wouldn't it be nice, to know that someone is right there, allowing us to feel hope or radiance, when we are feeling the worst version of ourselves on one particular day?

There's times we do not want to be positive and caring, and that's okay; we all have bad days, it is part of being human. No one can be 100 % positive ALL THE TIME. That would be a super human, and show me one person who is capable of this? Mother Teresa? The Pope? An archangel, perhaps?

Kindness, as Webster's dictionary outlines, is "the quality or state of being kind; a kind act."

Have you ever shown kindness in the face of adversity? Or been at the receiving end of one such gesture?

I can recall one incident at college about ten years ago. There was this girl who had a sarcastic wit about her, and she always showed up to the Chronicle room where we wrote our news stories, and I was convinced by her snappy dialogue and dominant personality that she despised me. This, I discovered, was not the case. But it's funny how people rub us the wrong way, especially when we do not know the entire story going on behind the scenes. I just assumed she was a miserable grouch and she hated her life, or was disgruntled about a boyfriend who'd dumped her.

Being an Empath -- deeply sensitive and spiritual person who feels EVERYTHING around me -- I was startled by the degree of attitude coming from this girl. Oh God, it was overwhelming at times.

One day, I decided to do what the Bible says about our enemy; to "heap fiery coals upon their head" by showing love instead of anger.

“if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” (Romans 12:20)

This particular girl was having a rough day, I could tell. Perhaps she was stressed by the degree of news stories we all had to submit for the deadline. Or maybe she was just moody or hormonal during her time of the month.

At any rate, I was nicknamed the "Ice Capp Addict" because I frequented the Tim Horton's at least twice a day for the frozen treat. During an afternoon break from writing, I decided to grab a croissant from Tim's and an Iced Cappuccino. Anyone who knows what these are, can agree with me, there's nothing like them anywhere. Every other day at Tim Horton's for croissants, they alternated between a "butter" croissant and a cheese croissant. Well, I had this inner prompting to grab two of them. My thoughts went to the girl in class who seemed stressed and agitated.

Returning to class, I placed the little brown bag on the table, pushing it towards her. Immediately, with shock, she blurted out "no, that's okay, I'm fine." It was almost like she was too proud to accept my gesture of kindness. Now, myself, I relate to people on a level of random acts of kindness, through gift gifting or small acts of service, because that is one of my love languages (Gary Chapman: The Five Love Languages). So when someone rejects my kind gesture, I immediately feel offense; dusting myself off, I just settled into another news edit, and went on with the writing at that table.

No more than ten minutes later, the girl piped up "On second thought, maybe I WILL take that croissant!" She said it with an awkward, boisterous laugh. I was deeply moved, and flattered beyond words. The ice queen had accepted my gift! From that moment on, I suddenly "got" her sarcastic humour, and she was won over by my choice to ignore her snappy mood. In time, I began to realize that this is just the way she is; on a good day or bad day, she bears a cynicism and sharp wit that others would take as moody or abrupt. Simply put, though, it is her way of expressing herself. We all have our own unique makeup of personality on how we convey ourselves to the world. (Growing up, I was though of as weird, quiet, reclusive, different, anti-social, the Lone Wolf by most, because I am an introvert. But that's just ME, the way God formed me. And I do not have to apologize for my own unique genetic beauty)

                                                                                            

Can you see though, how a random act of kindness can make someone's day, and also turn a so-called enemy into a friend?

I now have a legendary anecdote to pull out once in a while, to share with others, on this moment of beauty between two people. Casting all assumptions aside, I was able to give this girl a gift of friendship, despite the icy shoulder she was giving me. 

Showing kindness in moments of seemingly impossible circumstances with those who give us a cold countenance can be turned into a blessing, if we let the flow of our hearts rule out the flow of negativity.

Try it on for size sometime. Kindness really does work. I'm sure we have been shown kindness in a moment when we were terribly unlovable or angry.

What stories do you have to share about a random act of kindness you received? I would be interested to know just what transpired.

Love and Peace,

~RR xo

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

In a world of strings, high demands and conditions placed on us, it's no wonder society has made the condition of love to be placed under glass...no wait, make that a concrete jail cell. Confined to a small space, conformed by strict rules that suffocate and do not allow breathing space.


We place restraints on our loved ones: Buy me this, do that one thing I asked for, color your hair like this...maybe, just maybe, if you obey my demands, I will love you in return.


The whole scheme of it makes the term 'Unconditional Love' seem like an oxymoron. How can a person have "love" for another when they are not speaking from their heart? I have never comprehended how people go to the altar with their robotic vows of "I promise to love, honour and cherish you...till we part in death." Love, like respect, should be earned in the simplest terms, with a fair exchange of human energy that flows naturally, not forced under a façade of string-pulling, wooden marionette-like moves.


Valentine's Day is a prime example I like to use for the model of "conditional love." People, pick ONE day out of the year when we proclaim our undying love to one person...while 364 other days, we wrestle against flesh and blood, demanding our partner "bends" to fit our pre-conceived fantasy of what a perfect partner should behave like, forcing our alleged "life mate" into a weird, twisted prison.


I'm qualified to discuss this topic, and I speak passionately about it, having been through failed marriage myself and other relations -- becoming, as a result, an expert on love and other fatalities.


For singles, dating in this modern age can be a real nightmare. First, depending on what age group you fall under, the amount of "available" people has diminished greatly. I'll use the 35-45 age range as an example. Let's get one thing straight: we ALL come with baggage, those fragments from our former lives with failed relations, some of us with children (making it hard to blend them into a new or mixed family), others showing emotional scars from love gone wrong.


Finding a sincere, "legit" partner who is willing to take you on -- scars, baggage, and all-- can be so daunting. What if one of you comes to the table with full authenticity, willing to accept whatever the other person is carrying? ie: smoker, has 3 kids, shorter than your normal criteria of 6 feet tall, lives 80 miles away, isn't necessarily your "type" in the looks department, you somehow clicked during online chats and phone conversations, on a deep emotional and spiritual level, so what the heck right? Why not give it a shot?


These are traits of someone willing to go the extra mile and take a chance on love. Sounds like it could be the start of something "unconditional,"  to me.


Then, there's that other partner, trying to mold you into someone you're not. "Lose a few pounds," they suggest. "Dye your hair blond, be a little crazier, or less emotionally honest, act aloof, and not so into me. And by the way, could you please be a little more like my mother? Maybe then I'll love you."


All these encompass the profile of a person who wants to trap you, so they can "win" at a sick, twisted game of love -- and getting themselves nowhere in the process. They just wind up even lonelier and more isolated.


I've discovered that though men are extremely superficial in their criteria to finding the ideal partner, they too, like women, crave emotional intimacy, but sadly, they were programmed since childhood to be schooled in masculine ethics of "don't show emotion, or you'll look like a pussy." Opening up too fast...no dude, that's not manly at all.


Gentlemen, why not try holding a door for her, greet her at the train with flowers, text her in the morning with "Hello beauty." All romantic gestures that melt an Evolved Woman's heart. But again, society has placed restraints on a man's behavior and attitudes toward love, so the dashing hero of yesteryear has become nearly extinct.


Who, then, is to blame for this? Men? Or is it women?


Have we ladies emasculated men so badly in our quest for "equal rights" and independence that we have unknowingly "killed off" the one type of man we unconsciously crave? I think it is safe to say that we're almost all guilty of sabotage here.


What's my version of Unconditional Love, you ask? Well, for starters, if the man wants to grab food with the boys at Shoeless Joe's to watch a Leafs game, let him go. With the shoe on the other foot, I'd like to see him try to stop me from enjoying a fabulous girls night out at karaoke with my fiery sidekick Susan, who happens to know I deliver the best rendition of "My Guy" in the whole region.


Unconditional Love works both ways, people. What if your man forgot the shopping list at home and overlooked the fact that you wanted avocado to make your world class guacamole and nachos for American Idol night? Are you going to crucify him over it, and make him sleep on the sofa tonight?


These forms of punishment are not only petty, they're downright childish. Everyone screws up once in a while, so we should show mercy on our partner and drop the issue altogether. I have watched long-married couples bicker over the smallest things, and it rips me apart inside, knowing they are headed for divorce court in mere months.


It would appear that Unconditional Love is reserved just for saints and angels, because these days, I come across very few people practicing it. We are all tied down to false pretense, financial demands, chasing the Joneses, competing with one another neck-and-neck, because Jane has a hotter husband/bf or she works out constantly and her body is fitter. Such nonsense!


Where is the real human connection, in this digital age of iPhones, iPads, Escalades, yoga studios, fancy vacations, and Coach purses?


One of my own personal criteria for the ideal partner is finding someone 'real' who speaks from the heart, not hiding behind grand schemes and tactics to I'll fall prey to his mind games. He should be healthy -- yes, mainly in the mind-- but he doesn't have to look like Simon Baker or have the abs of Mr. Universe to make my mercury rise. Honesty, humour, romance, spiritual connection...these are what I consider "hot."


As I get older, I realize the things that seemed important in my '20s are no longer valid in my '30s. Money is great, it buys cars, houses, security, a better dental plan, that trip to Ireland that I always yearned for...but worshipping money and seeking a partner primarily for that falls under the "conditional" love category.


What if we all just sat down right now and conjured up a list of the ideal partner -- without the trappings of status, power, money, looks etc?


I wonder what our list(s) would be comprised of?


Here's a peek into mine:


- Funny (Because if he can't make me bust a gut on my worst day from hell, then I will have to pass)


-Spiritual (Read me some Eckhart Tolle, the Holy Bible, or Celestine Prophecy)


-Snuggly (During a movie at home, he will let me lay against his chest, hold my hand, or caress my hair)


-Respectful (He knows I need an hour a day to debrief from stress, go for a run with my iPod, or to work on my novels)


-Attentive (He knows what I like to eat for dinner, or he's aware that my musical playlist is a mix of oldies, R & B, Top 40 pop, and a LOT of Mariah!)


-Romantic (Thinks up little things to do for me "just because.")


Sounds simple, right?


Well, just try finding all these amazing traits in one man. Not an easy task to do. Notice how I left out eye color, height, weight, body type and career? (Superficial, I am not)


In 37 years, I have found it next to impossible to find my so-called 'perfect' man, as outlined by this list. (He isn't perfect though, ironically; he has flaws, battle scars from love gone wrong; mistakes from the past and childhood wounds; he seeks a Higher Power and is in tune with the universal flow, and all this makes him an Evolved Man....and so irresistible, in my eyes.)


I have a feeling he is much closer than I think. I'd like to believe that 'Unconditional Love' is at the core of his heart, too, and it will follow him right to my doorstep.


Who wants to find a pen and start their list tonight of an ideal partner with these Unconditional Love aspects?


Try it on your significant other, perhaps, and see what good transpires tonight. You'll be surprised how easy it is to try this Unconditional Love thing.


Love and Peace,


~RR <3