On June 11, I lost my best friend in the whole world.
Trent Gardner passed suddenly and my heart shattered into a million pieces.
He was my soulmate, lover, best friend, confidante and twin. We met in the most miraculous way over a tweet I'd sent to my favorite band. When Trent found me, it was against all odds, one in 7 billion, pure magic. The fact we were separated by 2200 miles was a miracle, but finding him after a lifetime of hoping for a soulmate...surreal.
Trent was the mastermind musician, the charismatic angel, and the loving soul who would help his fellow man in need. He had a deep, profound sense of humanity and his empathetic heart stole mine instantly. Everyday with Trent was a blessing I will never take for granted.
California was his heritage, his native land. I had written about that beautiful Pacific from the time I was 16, in a novel about a bicoastal love affair between a female journalist in Chicago and a music producer in L.A. The distance between Toronto and Sacramento was the same in mileage. Essentially, I'd written our love story some 22 years before meeting. The prophecy was mind-blowing.
When we finally met, I got to check off a mark on my bucket list, We crossed the Golden Gate bridge one sunny October Saturday at 11:11 a.m. The twin flame hour, as I liked to call it. The sunlight glistened in my auburn hair and I closed my eyes, reveling in the miracle of our love.
Rigel, meaning brightest star, was his middle name. Incidentally, my character from the novel "Against All Odds (1993)" was named Starr Elizabeth Taylor. Trent would then go on to tell me that his mother loved the actress Elizabeth Taylor and that Mom's ancestors bore the name Taylor. Eerie coincidence? Or just confirmation that we were destined to meet?
Many parallels guided us. My university was called Trent, and his daughter and my cousins lived in Henderson, Nevada. Too close for comfort. Breathtaking. Phenomenal. We also shared the same family birthdays between us. Everything in the Universe was saying "green light: GO."
Over the course of five months, I flew to California eight times. The hours with Trent were bliss, the moments I got to share with him, forever emblazoned in my mind. My heart swelled with gratitude and sheer reverence for the man who'd suddenly swept me off my feet and made my whole world a wonderland of joy.
Both creatively blessed, he a gifted songwriter and producer; myself, a journalist and romance novelist with a history degree, we clicked so well. A meeting of minds, similar and sacred. A union of hearts, unmistakably bound for each other.
But his life was cut short suddenly. It ended too soon. And my heart is eternally broken. I can't believe I will never hear his voice again. I'm frozen in a state of shock that my phone will never ring and I won't hear that good morning greeting, midday banter or evening wind-down before we sleep. All I can do is encapsulate the memories, hold onto the brief moments, and forever entrench myself in the exquisite songs he left behind. Luckily, I recorded a lot of voice clips we shared with each other. Those are golden. Platinum. Stellar. I can hear him anytime I feel the urge to be close to him. He is here. beside me. Always, Guiding me. My "brightest star" in a vast sky of glittering gems. He stands out. The most luminous of all.
I love you, My Deep River. Infinitely. Forevermore.
You are loved and missed beyond measure. I cannot numb the pain cascading from my heart. It's just so unbearable. But in time, it will subside, the shock and horror of your departure will dim, and I will be left with a bittersweet mist that will envelope me in my times of grief.
The roses you sent me...still stand in the tall glass vase. A constant reminder of your die-hard romantic ways. The greeting cards and the telegram all declare a love so strong and timeless that nothing could rival. The video clips of you singing to me...I can watch them anytime I feel the wave of loneliness wash over me. The recording of our fabulous and fun karaoke night...when you blew them all away with the Chicago song "Beginnings"...that will carry me through the hard times.
Now, I will hold you in my heart forever. Your legacy lives on in me, and in the songs that echo through the vast expanse of eternity. So many loved you, and what a blessing to embrace!
Trent, you changed my life in so many powerful ways. I hope you knew that you brought meaning, passion and renewal to a heart once barren.
Rest now, dear soulmate, in angel wings. Your pain is gone. Your mission complete. Until we meet again, my love. Adieu.
RR
Monday, June 13, 2016
Monday, May 16, 2016
HERO: Coming Soon!
Dear Readers,
Meet Detective Trace Gunnar, a man with integrity and strong convictions. First, his wife dies, and now he is burying his father. Grief seems to follow him, but he'll rise to any challenge. That's the warrior in him. He dedicates his mission to the police force in Sacramento, keeping the streets safe.
Faith Reynolds -- a woman of soul, purpose and passion. She runs Hope House, a shelter for women, where she pours love into her work and empowers others. Love is the essence of her feminine heart. She's like a fresh breath of Pacific air.
Kate Miller -- runaway foster teen. She's had enough of being bounced around and just wants a clean break. She doesn't believe anyone will ever love her. How could they? She was abandoned by a drug addict mother and her father went to prison. The odds just keep reaffirming: she's no good.
Trace has been searching for the daughter he never knew. Years ago, his girlfriend kept a secret from him and gave the baby up for adoption. Now, with three grown children of his own, he's all but given up on the idea he will ever find the mystery child. When he collides with runaway Kate, the spark in him comes alive. Protective instincts kick in, and he looks to shelter her from the ugliness of the world. Maybe she can fill that void until he finds the real thing.
HERO is the story of love lost and love found. Three lives will weave together. Three hearts will find a connection they never imagined. Three people will discover that when life seems hopeless, there's a hero in us all.
Meet Detective Trace Gunnar, a man with integrity and strong convictions. First, his wife dies, and now he is burying his father. Grief seems to follow him, but he'll rise to any challenge. That's the warrior in him. He dedicates his mission to the police force in Sacramento, keeping the streets safe.
Faith Reynolds -- a woman of soul, purpose and passion. She runs Hope House, a shelter for women, where she pours love into her work and empowers others. Love is the essence of her feminine heart. She's like a fresh breath of Pacific air.
Kate Miller -- runaway foster teen. She's had enough of being bounced around and just wants a clean break. She doesn't believe anyone will ever love her. How could they? She was abandoned by a drug addict mother and her father went to prison. The odds just keep reaffirming: she's no good.
Trace has been searching for the daughter he never knew. Years ago, his girlfriend kept a secret from him and gave the baby up for adoption. Now, with three grown children of his own, he's all but given up on the idea he will ever find the mystery child. When he collides with runaway Kate, the spark in him comes alive. Protective instincts kick in, and he looks to shelter her from the ugliness of the world. Maybe she can fill that void until he finds the real thing.
HERO is the story of love lost and love found. Three lives will weave together. Three hearts will find a connection they never imagined. Three people will discover that when life seems hopeless, there's a hero in us all.
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Friday, November 27, 2015
Thursday, November 19, 2015
REACH FOR THE SKY: Going the extra mile for love
How far would you go for love? What sacrifices are imminent or impossible for you?
Some people detest the thought of ever being involved in a long distance relationship. The thought of putting oneself through the agony of missing someone across that great stretch of the miles and watching the endless hours on the clock before you meet again...just seems daunting and avoidable.
But what I've learned in life, at age 38, that I've had to BEND a little, to get something tangible and REAL out of my love life. I've certainly had to REACH much higher than I'd ever dreamed I would. SKY HIGH, in fact. Somewhere, an airlines agent is counting my frequent flyer miles.
A few months ago, if you'd asked me "would you date this man who lives 2,500 miles away?" well my response would have been "not a snowball's chance in hell."
To me, it's just too hard. Not really worth the time and effort. The separation anxiety is heavy. Plus, where is the reasoning? The logic? Aren't there enough men in Canada? Ontario, for that matter?
Quality over quantity, alas, is my reasoning. My verdict. This Canadian girl has fallen hard for a California man. Top notch human being, filled with love and compassion. He has the biggest heart of gold I've ever found in a person. He's also a hard-working, smart, funny as hell, deeply sensitive, and doting father to his grown kids. Why couldn't he have been born closer, you might ask? A few blocks away? In the next city?
The answer is simply this: HE WASN'T. He was placed 2,500 miles away so we would appreciate one another. The Universe is filled with wonder. Its massive opportunities and boundless mysteries are there for the taking. These mysteries are made for the inquisitive and searching...like myself. I always love a good adventure, and why the heck WOULDN'T I love a man who is not easily within my reach? To me, that's just too boring and basic. Mediocre love was never meant for a die-hard romance queen like me.
Let me share something profound. Some time ago, 22 years to be exact, I wrote a love story called AGAINST ALL ODDS, about a bi-coastal connection between Starr Taylor, a Chicago reporter, and Peter Adams, a Los Angeles pop singer. Well, apparently, my clairvoyance and prophecy always leads to a real life manifestation. Fast forward to 2015, and here I am, a woman in a bi-coastal romance with the same distance and almost identical profile of the two main characters.
I guess you could say that I wrote my own love story, some 22 years ago as a precocious teenage girl with high hopes and big dreams. The real miracle is just astounding. How I even found my "real life hero" is a case of beating immeasurable odds. Meeting by chance on social media in the most unlikely of events, we've definitely achieved something that even a blockbuster Hollywood film could rival. Only difference is...we are REAL, ordinary people with no glitz, glamour or headlines. There's no red carpet arrival, expensive suits or gowns. The paparazzi is not stalking us in the bushes. We live and breathe as normal humans. We laugh, we cry, we love...like authentic people.
Reaching high for this love is the greatest risk or gamble I've ever done. I want to say it's the biggest reward of my life. To have the love of a high value man whose heart is pure and intentions sincere. Who wants to make me happy, day in and day out. Who is my biggest supporter and loudest cheerleader. Who makes me laugh till my sides hurt and I'm begging for oxygen. Who eases the pain of a long, arduous flight. Who holds my hand when things get scary. The man just GETS ME. Like no one else ever could. It's mind blowing. Gratitude ripples from my heart, overflowing.
The advice I would give anyone who is opting for the "easy route" of just loving someone locally in their own region is this: NEVER BE AFRAID TO TAKE A CHANCE ON SOMEONE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. IT MIGHT BE THE MOST EPIC STORY OF YOUR LIFE.
As always, I'm right here cheering for you.
xo RR xo
Some people detest the thought of ever being involved in a long distance relationship. The thought of putting oneself through the agony of missing someone across that great stretch of the miles and watching the endless hours on the clock before you meet again...just seems daunting and avoidable.
But what I've learned in life, at age 38, that I've had to BEND a little, to get something tangible and REAL out of my love life. I've certainly had to REACH much higher than I'd ever dreamed I would. SKY HIGH, in fact. Somewhere, an airlines agent is counting my frequent flyer miles.
A few months ago, if you'd asked me "would you date this man who lives 2,500 miles away?" well my response would have been "not a snowball's chance in hell."
To me, it's just too hard. Not really worth the time and effort. The separation anxiety is heavy. Plus, where is the reasoning? The logic? Aren't there enough men in Canada? Ontario, for that matter?
Quality over quantity, alas, is my reasoning. My verdict. This Canadian girl has fallen hard for a California man. Top notch human being, filled with love and compassion. He has the biggest heart of gold I've ever found in a person. He's also a hard-working, smart, funny as hell, deeply sensitive, and doting father to his grown kids. Why couldn't he have been born closer, you might ask? A few blocks away? In the next city?
The answer is simply this: HE WASN'T. He was placed 2,500 miles away so we would appreciate one another. The Universe is filled with wonder. Its massive opportunities and boundless mysteries are there for the taking. These mysteries are made for the inquisitive and searching...like myself. I always love a good adventure, and why the heck WOULDN'T I love a man who is not easily within my reach? To me, that's just too boring and basic. Mediocre love was never meant for a die-hard romance queen like me.
Let me share something profound. Some time ago, 22 years to be exact, I wrote a love story called AGAINST ALL ODDS, about a bi-coastal connection between Starr Taylor, a Chicago reporter, and Peter Adams, a Los Angeles pop singer. Well, apparently, my clairvoyance and prophecy always leads to a real life manifestation. Fast forward to 2015, and here I am, a woman in a bi-coastal romance with the same distance and almost identical profile of the two main characters.
I guess you could say that I wrote my own love story, some 22 years ago as a precocious teenage girl with high hopes and big dreams. The real miracle is just astounding. How I even found my "real life hero" is a case of beating immeasurable odds. Meeting by chance on social media in the most unlikely of events, we've definitely achieved something that even a blockbuster Hollywood film could rival. Only difference is...we are REAL, ordinary people with no glitz, glamour or headlines. There's no red carpet arrival, expensive suits or gowns. The paparazzi is not stalking us in the bushes. We live and breathe as normal humans. We laugh, we cry, we love...like authentic people.
Reaching high for this love is the greatest risk or gamble I've ever done. I want to say it's the biggest reward of my life. To have the love of a high value man whose heart is pure and intentions sincere. Who wants to make me happy, day in and day out. Who is my biggest supporter and loudest cheerleader. Who makes me laugh till my sides hurt and I'm begging for oxygen. Who eases the pain of a long, arduous flight. Who holds my hand when things get scary. The man just GETS ME. Like no one else ever could. It's mind blowing. Gratitude ripples from my heart, overflowing.
The advice I would give anyone who is opting for the "easy route" of just loving someone locally in their own region is this: NEVER BE AFRAID TO TAKE A CHANCE ON SOMEONE OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE. IT MIGHT BE THE MOST EPIC STORY OF YOUR LIFE.
As always, I'm right here cheering for you.
xo RR xo
Sunday, October 18, 2015
FAMILY ISN'T BLOOD: FAMILY IS YOUR SOUL TRIBE
Contemplating a major move here as one big era of my life is ending. It's a huge concept, not one to be taken lightly. I have the courage of a lion, and it's true that I can survive anything. That's just how I roll.
Thoughts of leaving my sleepy bedroom town behind have me very reflective these days. I built a life here, three decades ago. Life blossomed. I rode my first horse here, had my first kiss, gave birth to my only child, not to mention, wrote all my novels here also. Life in this small town shaped my identity and forged my all-encompassing sense of Self.
Bittersweet memories linger. Many photographs have been taken. I find it important to keep a time capsule or some other commemorative ritual. Time is of the essence. Nothing should be lost.
This period of reflection has reminded me that family members have not always supported me. It's unfortunate, but in the constraints of a family dynamic, there is a sense of conformity where most members follow the lead of the dominant parent. Myself? I do not fall into this dynamic. I am the proverbial Black Sheep. Think outside the box? What box?? I like to think of myself as a trailblazer, misfit or rebel. Somehow, following the crowd just doesn't work for me.
People have come into my life who blew any preconceived notions out of my head of what "family" was known to be. Thankfully, they also lit the path for me, with a candle of hope. I grew into who I was meant to be, with a little help from a couple of great mentors.
These days, family is anyone who belongs to my soul tribe. Those who resonate deeply with me, finish my sentences, think and feel like me, accept me the way that I am. The ones who judge, condemn, slander, or put me down --though blood related -- are demoted to a dark corner. They don't get any more precedence. The only legit ones who matter are those who make me FEEL nothing but good vibes and support me--AS I AM.
This year, I started "cleaning house." People whom I had known for a good span of time (say, five years or so) were cut off. No, it's not a question of me being disloyal or anything. On the contrary, it was THEIR choice to not be loyal. To me, anyone who didn't serve me anymore or was not contributing to my greater spiritual growth was hindering me. These people were not even supporting my career or path. It's crucial to take stock of your friend list from time to time, and see who is deducting from your value. Do they make you feel like trash? Then it's high time you gave them the boot.
It's unfortunate, but some family members have no desire to support me or give edifying words that uplift me. If someone is bringing me down, I pull the plug. Really, I have no time or patience for this nonsense.
Family is simply those who love me and build me up. Family is the friend who calls up to take me to lunch "just because" or the person who calls to brighten my day, prompting me to feel like a million bucks. Or just to hear my voice and tell me how much I mean to him.
I want to thank a special man in my life who daily inspires me, supports me, and affirms that I am not only important to him, but I am the key to HIS happiness and abundant future as well. He is determined to profess, provide and protect. His presence is consistent, day after day. I'm proud to put him on my list of those whom I call FAMILY.
I love you T.G.
Finally, to those out there wondering where they stand or if they matter to someone, check the mirror. See the phenomenal person staring back at you. Check your inner compass. It will never steer you wrong. It knows the way. Ditch those toxic family members and "frenemies" who pose as comrades. Seriously. You deserve far better. I mean it.
Cheering for you always,
xo RR xo
Thoughts of leaving my sleepy bedroom town behind have me very reflective these days. I built a life here, three decades ago. Life blossomed. I rode my first horse here, had my first kiss, gave birth to my only child, not to mention, wrote all my novels here also. Life in this small town shaped my identity and forged my all-encompassing sense of Self.
Bittersweet memories linger. Many photographs have been taken. I find it important to keep a time capsule or some other commemorative ritual. Time is of the essence. Nothing should be lost.
This period of reflection has reminded me that family members have not always supported me. It's unfortunate, but in the constraints of a family dynamic, there is a sense of conformity where most members follow the lead of the dominant parent. Myself? I do not fall into this dynamic. I am the proverbial Black Sheep. Think outside the box? What box?? I like to think of myself as a trailblazer, misfit or rebel. Somehow, following the crowd just doesn't work for me.
People have come into my life who blew any preconceived notions out of my head of what "family" was known to be. Thankfully, they also lit the path for me, with a candle of hope. I grew into who I was meant to be, with a little help from a couple of great mentors.
These days, family is anyone who belongs to my soul tribe. Those who resonate deeply with me, finish my sentences, think and feel like me, accept me the way that I am. The ones who judge, condemn, slander, or put me down --though blood related -- are demoted to a dark corner. They don't get any more precedence. The only legit ones who matter are those who make me FEEL nothing but good vibes and support me--AS I AM.
This year, I started "cleaning house." People whom I had known for a good span of time (say, five years or so) were cut off. No, it's not a question of me being disloyal or anything. On the contrary, it was THEIR choice to not be loyal. To me, anyone who didn't serve me anymore or was not contributing to my greater spiritual growth was hindering me. These people were not even supporting my career or path. It's crucial to take stock of your friend list from time to time, and see who is deducting from your value. Do they make you feel like trash? Then it's high time you gave them the boot.
It's unfortunate, but some family members have no desire to support me or give edifying words that uplift me. If someone is bringing me down, I pull the plug. Really, I have no time or patience for this nonsense.
Family is simply those who love me and build me up. Family is the friend who calls up to take me to lunch "just because" or the person who calls to brighten my day, prompting me to feel like a million bucks. Or just to hear my voice and tell me how much I mean to him.
I want to thank a special man in my life who daily inspires me, supports me, and affirms that I am not only important to him, but I am the key to HIS happiness and abundant future as well. He is determined to profess, provide and protect. His presence is consistent, day after day. I'm proud to put him on my list of those whom I call FAMILY.
I love you T.G.
Finally, to those out there wondering where they stand or if they matter to someone, check the mirror. See the phenomenal person staring back at you. Check your inner compass. It will never steer you wrong. It knows the way. Ditch those toxic family members and "frenemies" who pose as comrades. Seriously. You deserve far better. I mean it.
Cheering for you always,
xo RR xo
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