EMBRACING THE CHANGES: Life Is What Happens When We're Busy Making Other Plans

Dear Readers,

I've discovered long ago --and have been reflecting on it this past week -- that the only constant thing in life is "change." Tomorrow is not promised, and all we have is the present moment, our true GIFT.

Change can be exhilarating, but it can also be downright TERRIFYING.In truth, how many of us are actually READY for that change when it comes?

This week I heard from a woman whose daughter, at 58 years old, was "let go" of her 20-year stint as an admin assistant at a prominent Toronto college. The woman was devastated. The letter addressed to her stated "you no longer fit the ethics and culture of our organization."

I can't imagine what that would feel like, being in a career you love to work in, and then one day, you are forced out of that job in the most unkind way.

In my own experience, I've been forced out of jobs for various reasons, and most of the time, I was not given a reason. I've understood that it was because I was simply "not a good fit." You know what? What a wonderful revelation! Just for the fact that --THANK GOD-- I was meant to be elsewhere!!!! Hallelujah to that! Let's raise a toast. Why would I ever want to waste my time, skills, talents and beauty on a career and people who don't celebrate me? No thanks! NEXT!!!

Let's not undermine the fact that "Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans" (John Lennon).
Did you ever notice that the most incredible adventures have happened when we were forced out of our comfort zone? When did you ever experience anything MONUMENTAL or news worthy, just by sitting there like a bump on a log, or "coasting"through life at the same boring and predictable pace? Exactly.

I'll admit...some changes have been painful and left deep scars. I was not ready for them. Now, looking back, I am grateful that I was transported to another time and place. Even outside of my zipcode!

For 2020, let's try our best to embrace the changes that occur. It's good for building character, we face new obstacles but we also experience fresh opportunities and BRAND NEW PEOPLE that might bring us the greatest JOY of our life. By holding onto the bland stuff from 2019, we may never know how incredibly stellar we could become, if only we took that plunge.

My wish for you this year is to take more chances, allow the changes, and forge a new path to a brave new frontier.

I wish you joy, love and happiness always.

Much love,

RR xo

BE A HERO IN SOMEONE'S LIFE

In our daily encounters, we have many chances to make a difference in someone's life. Do we take these opportunities when they are presented? Or do we rush on by in our self-focused little haze?

My own personal joy comes from giving to others, with no expectation of return. That $20 I slipped to the woman on the street who looked down and out? It gave me a rush of adrenaline like nothing else. Just knowing I may never run into her again, is remarkable itself. The beaming smile on her face affirmed that I'd made an impact. The added bonus was an hour later at a lotto counter, the machine went off with an instant win of $100. Now, THAT is something else. I don't expect miracles like this in the moment, but I gladly welcome them.

The lunch I covered for a friend "just because"? Well, a flutter of joy filled my heart when I paid the bill. No score keeping here. It's not authentic. Don't do that. Just give. It's a big boomerang effect, it comes back to you in profound ways you would never imagine.

Giving is joyful. It blesses the receiver, makes a huge difference (not always monetarily) and in turn, sends back a ripple of blessing and abundance to the giver. You just never know who you're impacting, what life you are making better by the random act of your kindness.

Being a hero in someone's life doesn't take much. It could be a favor granted, helping someone load a sofa on a truck to their new home. It might be just lending an ear to someone who lost her husband to cancer, or a friend who put her ailing mother into a long term care facility. These life changing moments hit hard, they can be very taxing emotionally and mentally on the people involved. Our friends and colleagues need us. Often, the ones who appear rock solid on the outside are actually the ones falling apart behind the scenes. They're feeling a river of tears course down their face, after a long day, sitting alone in an empty room. Believe me, I have been there. It takes a prayer and a strong heart to feel that wave of exhaustion ride out.

Who will you reach today, in your busy life? Will you strike up a conversation with that co worker on your smoke break at work? You know the one, she looks hard on the outside, rarely smiles. You think she is just "unfriendly" when really, she is going through hell. No one ever asks. They assume she is a snob or just a cold person. Go ahead, take a chance and send her a smile or word of encouragement. I have reached people on a whim like this. The floodgates that open are truly astounding!

Recently, doing a buy and sell for household items, a woman who is a repeat customer came to me. She stood in my driveway and poured her heart out to me. Her daughter had been murdered. The magnitude of trust and connection in our conversation really hit me like a tsunami. Wow, a total stranger was sharing her biggest defining life moment...I was blessed and honored by the gift of our exchange. She has come back a few more times, just to chat. She told me something that warmed me all over: "since the death of my daughter, I have become a hermit. I rarely go anywhere, except for the part time job I work. But YOU my dear, are someone I could go to lunch with. You're special. You actually care. The others don't have a clue."

Misty eyes here, as I write this entry. The Universe has brought me so many profound experiences, in 2015 alone. It blows my mind. You could say it's because I have an open mind and very receptive heart.

Just last night, someone asked, "how is it after all you've been through, that you remain open?" My response was simple. "I'm not a victim, but a VICTOR. Those scars I bear, they are just stepping stones, promptly me onward to the next BIG MIRACLE in my life.

You'd be amazed by what's coming to you...if you remain open and keep your heart warm. Please promise me you won't become bitter. It blocks the flow of abundance. It does you absolutely no good at all. You have so much to give, so many gifts to share with the wounded and lost who are searching for guidance.

If you will take a chance today -- BE A HERO IN SOME PERSON'S LIFE-- it will make a world of difference. Trust me.

Cheering for you always,

xo RR xo

DON'T MAKE ME DULL MY SPARKLE FOR YOU

I'm sorry, but is my sparkle blinding you today?

I'll admit, over the course of my life, there has always been that one female in a social group or a co-worker trying to bring me down. My problem, they suggest, is that I smile too much, look too enthused, I'm not taking my job seriously. It makes me sick, to be honest. These haters just won't leave me alone.

Like an epidemic, they come out in droves occasionally. Ever notice when you're doing well -- REALLY, REALLY WELL -- that's when a Negative Nancy or Debbie Downer tries to rain on your parade.

There's this one girl in my circle of friends (I'll call her Andrea, just to save myself a backlash). She dotes on me sometimes, seems to be really into me. Messages or calls out of the blue. Claims to show "empathy" if I have a bad day. But when I'm on a winning streak with Keno or my love life is STELLAR, she is nowhere to be found. She sometimes goes two months not talking to me. Hides in her cave. Shuts me out. It's cruel and revolting. I pretend to be neutral. I'd just cut her lose, to save myself the hassle. But you see, I have an obligation to her. She pulled a suicide card on me. She's also linked to my immediate circle. She makes me feel bad about her life, how everyone around her is doing so well, rolling in money, etc etc and she is stuck in the same spot. I can't help her. Really, I can't. She doesn't want my help. She just wants to vent, complain, dump on me.

Energy vampire, that's the terminology for 2015. It's the trendy way of saying Narcissistic Sociopath.

As the title of this blog suggests, I still refuse to dull my sparkle so this person can feel less bad about herself. I'm keeping my basket of glitter. In fact, I have an airplane full of glitter, ready to drop from the sky. I hate that people try to make me look DULL, lackluster, like an old penny, littered on the ground. Its value is next to nil.

My entire growing up years, my mother made me feel small. Powerless. She silenced me. As a teen and in my early 20's, she said my neckline was too low, or if I walked alone in my small bedroom town after 9:00 p.m., people would mistake me for a "street walker." Ironically, I was a virgin til almost 21 and married the guy.  In later years, I suffered hypothyroidism, and gained some weight. Regardless of the protein diets, vegetarian diets, healthy shakes, 3 power walks/runs a day and 4L of water, I still couldn't lose a pound.

The abuse got worse then. In my thirties, she told me I was fat, meaning I was not pretty enough, and I needed to look and act like this 6 foot tall, statuesque blonde named Jackie. "Why can't you marry into money like Barb's daughter? Can't you lose 40 pounds and find a good man like Jackie did?"
"Oh, she's so beautiful! She's so thin. She's a successful school teacher. Why don't you apply for a high paying job?"

Body shaming? Don't ever do this to your daughter. It's heartless, cruel, and degrading. It makes them have eating disorders and waste away to a bone rack. No REAL MOTHER would reduce their daughter to this.

Naively, I thought there was something wrong with me. Until I saw my mother go on another crash diet, aka "30 day juice fast" to lose 30 lbs and look "slim, just like in high school when I was a size 6/7," she would proudly chant. Upon losing the weight (and these diets went on for 30 years) she would parade around in a new outfit and rub it in my face at how I'd somehow failed in the beauty department. But then in 2011, she had a gall bladder attack and was rushed to the hospital for emergency surgery. I guess I was right about those dangerous diets catching up to her. She could've lost her life. Scary, right?

Another time, I served meals at a retirement home. This was a good gig. There was 130 seniors who experienced my smile, my cheerful banter, and most were close to death at any moment. I made their remaining years worthwhile. Some girl I'll call "Terri," just 18, wore a scowl everyday to work. She must've had a rough life, running to daddy all the time for cash handouts. She had a great body, half decent looks, and planned to go to University in Italy that Fall. Still, she was a miserable wench. She snapped under her breath, watching me entertain the residents, "I hate Rochelle!" By the end of Summer, she'd quit early, handing me her remaining shifts. At the time, I had no idea what I'd done to make her hate me. After all, I loved all the girls I worked with. I was 28, working alongside girls age 17 and 18, but they all liked me and cracked jokes. Many knew they could phone me and drop their shifts on me, if they had last minute party plans or an invite to some cottage. I was Miss Reliable. In later years, I reflect on this nasty person, and summed it up to this: she just hated her life. She hated herself. There was nothing I could do about it.

Moral of the story: since I've experienced females trying to body shame me or restrict my sparkle to No Man's Land, my outlook has changed. I refuse to let anyone diminish me to a speck of dirt.

Do I make you feel uncomfortable? Well, then, that's too bad. Learn to deal with it. And get some professional help. No one has the right to belittle another human and make them feel like garbage.

"She writes romance novels and publishes them? Who does she think she is, Danielle Steel?"

I laugh now, at some of the slander that has boomerang'd back to me. I'm not doing anything wrong, just following my heart's desire, and doing what I love. These people don't like the new and improved Rochelle? Well, stick it. Cause I'm not going anywhere.

Word to the wise: Never let someone dull your sparkle. Keep on shining, no matter what. Yes, there will be tough times. There will be haters. People who can't handle your megawatt smile and positive vibes. That's okay. Keep up the summer glow, the ray of sunshine, that beacon streaming from you. This hurting world needs more of you. Believe me.

Cheering you on. Always.

xo RR xo