Does any of the following sound familiar?
When I grow up, I'm going to BE SOMEBODY.
When I'm older, I'll be a millionaire, debt free, with a huge house, nice car, and all the material goods, toys, yacht, motorhome, house in the Hamptons, luxury clothes, and others will envy me for it. Then, and only then, will I BE SOMEBODY.
When I find "the right person" then I will BE SOMEBODY.
When I marry into money, I'll BE SOMEBODY.
When I finally publish that screenplay or bestselling book, I'LL BE SOMEBODY.
When I'm the news anchor for a major network on TV, then I will BE SOMEBODY.
When I get that PhD in medicine, philosophy or physics, I'll finally BE SOMEBODY.
When I buy that classic car and cruise through my neighborhood and down the freeway with the wind in my hair, I'll BE SOMEBODY.
When I lose 50 pounds and look like Heidi Klum in a tight fitting cocktail dress, men will chase me and fall at my feet, and dammit, I'll BE SOMEBODY.
When I get that Botox, breast augmentation, or other cosmetic surgery to "fix" my God-given face and body, and if I Keep Up With The Kardashians, then I will finally BE SOMEBODY.
When I've booked that vacation to the Caribbean and I'm on the beach in my hot pink bikini showing the world my tight body, then I will BE SOMEBODY.
How many of these limiting beliefs did you recognize about yourself?
I know I definitely did. While I was growing up in a blue collar family, these beliefs were projected onto me and indoctrinated heavily into my innocent mind, and I grew up believing if I was blue-eyed and sun-kissed with a size 2 body and long, flowing blond hair down my back like Christie Brinkley or Niki Taylor, then I would finally BE LOVED AND ADORED BY MEN.
My mother did all this to me. She was always on a "30 day fast" to lose 30 pounds. She told me all my life, if you don't keep your figure slim at size 6 or your weight at around 107 pounds, then you will deceive your husband for not staying the original size in which he met you.
She was constantly on a diet, obsessing over food and weight. Luckily, I never went that route. I did one day grow up, get married and have a child. I lost my slim figure and traded it in for a shapely but healthy woman's figure "with curves." Guess what happened? Men STILL chased me. In fact, I got more attention with those curves. I had CONFIDENCE and SELF ESTEEM, knowing I had grown into my own skin, the body that God gave me, even with society-dubbed "flaws" -- and it was fine!!
All my life, I was told "you'll be a somebody...if only you had A, B, and C..."
Later, in my thirties, I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism/Hashimoto's which wreaked havoc on my immune system, hormones and weight. Mom's voice again chanted at me: "lose 40 pounds and a man will love you."
My heart sank. I couldn't imagine that a parent could place such strict conditions on her love for her daughter. What she was REALLY saying was "Rochelle, I don't accept you the way you look right now. Lose some weight and I'll show you off to my friends and family. You can be my trophy."
Women much bigger than me....even ones at 300 pounds...were seen walking in public holding hands with a man who seemed to adore them. The whole thing seemed puzzling to me and untrue.
In 2015, the best match of my life came along, and he treated me like a QUEEN. He was an influential and well-respected music man in the San Francisco area, a powerful vocalist, superb keyboard player and trombonist, who'd worked with Steve Walsh of Kansas, the guitarist from Dream Theater, CHICAGO the band, even Jon Anderson of the famed YES group. Trent loved and adored me JUST THE WAY I WAS. I remember singing him the Billy Joel song with similar lyric and he laughed at me. But I'd made my point. I'll love you just the way you are.
Funny thing....women were chasing him...ATTRACTIVE women too with glamorous clothes, tight bodies and nice cars. But he didn't want them. I once asked him "Trent, why is that you're seeing a woman 2200 miles away...when all the glamorous women are right in your hometown...tonnes of them?"
He replied: "Because, Rochelle, you're REAL." Then he explained that my transparency, authenticity, lack of physical alterations and natural beauty made him fall in love with me. My vulnerability and willingness to SHOW UP, just as I am. He said that's what did it for him. No amount of "perfection" was going to sway him otherwise.
Today, I think of his kind words, the wisdom he shared with me, his loving devotion...and it makes my heart hurt for the women out there who sit in self doubt, punish themselves with one more diet, one more surgery, another pair of designer shoes bought to fill that void. My heart aches for the ladies who believe they are not worthy enough to experience the love that I had with Trent. Deep, magnificent, soul-stirring love that changes the game entirely. Conscious love. The AWAKENED KIND.
All along, I know I was a SOMEBODY.
No amount of money, degrees framed on the wall, luxury cars, mansions, Manolo shoes, Botox, size 2 dresses or marriages of influence were going to VALIDATE ME.
All along, I had THE POWER.
I hope you too can look in the mirror and love yourself and know that you're a SOMEBODY.
My prayer for you today is to simply exercise SELF COMPASSION and self care rituals. To go deep within and find that little girl who was taught those horrible limiting beliefs, and give her a big hug. Tell her how loved she really is. That she only needed to show up AUTHENTICALLY and she learn she
I hope you know, dear readers, how much you REALLY, TRULY ARE A SOMEBODY.
Cheering for you always,