Wounded by a failed second marriage, I carried the pain around for years. Four at least, before I moved on, let the wounds start to heal, and file for the divorce. This did not happen overnight. Along the way, I met quite a few people who helped me see the light. Men who made me smile, helped me flirt with the idea of coupledom by raising my self confidence and boosting my ego.
Prior to filing for the divorce, I had to forgive myself for failing at marriage again. Forgiveness of self is truly instrumental in the quest to finding love. Without it, we hold onto baggage and self deprecation, causing a delay in our growth and hindering our own mental health.
What did I discover in these single years? What magic elixir did I drink to come to this big life changing epiphany?
The answer, simply, was to discover who I was all over again. I needed to accept me, flaws and all, including my shadow side, with all the parts of me that I thought others did not like. First on the list: clumsy. Second: left-handed. Third: just plain misfit. Our destructive self talk is really powerful, and most of us don't realize what negative doom we are manifesting when we bash ourselves or undermine our own magic.
How could I expect to summon love into my life, if I was blaming myself for all that had happened in the past? Becoming my own worst enemy was not the recipe for healing a broken heart. No one can move onward and upwards if they're playing the blame game from yesterday. Dude, that is so, like, 2008.
Did I not realize that I was truly 1 in 7 billion? No other person alive has my DNA codes; the mold was broken when I came along. Realizing this made me suddenly jolt back to reality. Being this unique suddenly gave me an advantage I had never seen before.
Self love is so crucial. We cannot call love into our lives if we don't love ourselves FIRST.
Why is that? Because if you don't love yourself, you don't know what you want, need or deserve. Then you wander around, lost and clueless, searching for something you just can't seem to define. It's like having an invisible list of tasks or goals with no real aim. Get real about who you are and what you want. Things will soon fall into place.
Once you accept your darkness and light --in turn, embracing your essence-- all the lovely components that make up the masterpiece of YOU become crystal clear. Soon, you're living a charmed life that is robust, colorful and passionate. There is no regret, no second guessing, and you experience a FREEDOM that is so amazing. Breathe in the calm of having nothing to prove, and no one to prove it to. You will care less about what others think, too. The liberation is pure bliss.
It's a shame how people run from the beauty of who they were born to be. Stand in the mirror, look at the person staring back at you. What do you see? Let me remind you that being single doesn't mean you are worthless. Think of the benefits to being alone at this time. There's no one to answer to, no one to impress but yourself. You can put on that favorite song and crank it REALLY LOUD without offending that partner in the house.
Learn to romance yourself. Take a walk on the beach during sunset, sit on a vista and watch the city lights glittering in the distance, browse lovely thrift shops and find nostalgic items, spoil yourself with a new dress or outfit at a boutique, go to a movie that only YOU would love. Bonus point: you don't have to fret or argue with your date over which flick to see. No compromising here. Myself, I go to concerts in the city alone, or to karaoke --solo--if I can't find a friend who is free on a Thursday or Sunday night. Heck, I'll show up in my diva glory, belt out some Motown gem by Mary Wells or wow the crowd with a rockin' Shania tune. In my element, it's truly phenomenal. It feels like I'm home, and the joy bursting from my heart seems to light up the whole room. It doesn't matter if I show up to these places alone. Because I've learned to love my own company, there's always a new friend I meet along the way, and I'm pushed off my couch and out of the comfort zone. There's life out there! Go and see for yourself. Go ahead, grab these moments while you can.
Self love is a beautiful journey of the soul that begs us to truly look inside ourselves and find the jewel that is waiting to be awakened again, after so many years of a deep sleep. Divorce or heartbreak can really destroy our self esteem and make us feel broken down, ugly, or unloveable. Remember, though, that you are transitioning and moving forward, so take the time you need to heal those battle scars, but don't dwell too long there. You can become too comfortable in bitterville, letting the heartache seep into your soul, and rob you of the dazzling potential that is waiting to be discovered.
I truly hope that you will learn to fall in love with the majestic person you are. One in seven billion, baby. Now THAT is something to be proud of.
As always, keep the passion alive.
Cheering for you,
xx RR xx
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