Lost Flowers Enroute to a Friend

 Dear Readers,

I admit, I have been absent from this blog for a while, and for that I am sorry. What happened, you might ask? Well, life of course.

Knee surgery last December, a full summer of activities, concerts in the park, other concerts in the big city, and really GOOD food at various restaurants. Just to name a few things that kept me preoccupied. But, with "prep-tober" for Nanowrimo upon us, I am relaxing into "Fall mode," enjoying the scant appearance of Autumn leaves that are emerging here and there in Southern Ontario, and revelling in everything pumpkin spice.

Now, to get to the latest fiasco that happened yesterday. Lost flowers enroute to a friend. I'd used Teleflora to deliver birthday flowers one day early to a dear soul sister of mine in Pittsburgh. Simple enough, right? Browse the many gorgeous arrangements on the colorful website, click on "pay now" and voila! Flowers delivered within five or so hours to my pal.

Simplicity? Ease? No complications? In MY world? Okay, not to mock the universe, because yes, I do count my blessings, and AMAZING things DO occur for me on the daily. I say this in jest, because as a fiction writer, what would life be without a minor roadblock or hiccup in my heartfelt quest to send a sentimental gift to a cherished person? I expect these minor delays, because well, to quote John Lennon, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans."

Okay, back to the flowers. They were a magnificent Autumn arrangement with fall-themed accents, black-eyed susans with that yellow pop of color, and vibrant orange roses, along with a pretty ceramic pumpkin vase! Heart-stopping, right?

I'd gotten an email notification that the flowers had been "delivered by hand" to the recipient at 6:43 p.m. Excited for my friend, I texted her to see what she thought of them. Flowers? What flowers, she asked. She had just left her house and run to the store for some errands. NOTHING was on her front porch. I was crushed.

Calling customer service at Teleflora, I connected with a soft-spoken woman named Theresa whose voiced sounded like butter, setting me at ease a little. She put me on hold, investigated, and got back to me. Apparently, the flowers showed at her end that they HAD been delivered to the recipient. My friend lives in a semi-detached house and shares the porch with her next door neighbor, so she inquired with that person. They'd only seen two Amazon deliveries that day, no flowers.

Again, I was disappointed, angered, that my friend did not get her birthday parcel and I had spent $103.00 USD on something I had purchased to brighten her day.

Being one day early with my friend's flowers, there is ONE positive aspect of this kerfuffle. Now I get a chance to remedy the situation and go with one of the other florists in Pittsburgh. Theresa, the customer rep, was so accommodating, that she offered to COMPLETELY refund all my money. But wait, my friend's birthday is the next day, Sept. 28th. She needs and deserves a pretty floral package in which to celebrate her special day!!! 

We agreed on the 50% refund on the lost flowers, Theresa re-ordered a NEW autumn bouquet from a different florist, and now the wait. I sit here Saturday Sept. 28 at noon with coffee in hand, eagerly waiting on the replacement flowers to safely arrive at my bestie's front door. I also got a 30% off coupon for my future order of flowers! How synchronous! In my circle, there are two important birthdays in October!!! This was music to my ears! Thank you, Theresa from customer service at Teleflora! You are a gem of a human!!! (Side note: the expiry on the 30% coupon for future use just happens to be March 27, 2025. My favorite singer Mariah's birthday!!! Synchronicity is SOOO WONDERFUL!!)

Coffee nearby, Aretha singing "I Say A Little Prayer" on my earbuds (totally random You Tube selection by the way. They are choosing songs based on my previous selections of the Three Degrees "Long Lost Lover" and the Stylistics "Stop, Look, Listen (To Your Heart)." I sure love me some Aretha singing Burt Bacharach on a sunny Saturday! Wow!!!

At any rate, I await the grand arrival of my friend's flowers. I will keep you posted! Thank you for listening.

Isn't that how life is, when you view it in the broader sense? "Lost Flowers Enroute to a Friend" can be an analogy for most of the missed chances we have in this universe. Or for the things we intended to say, but never delivered, to the ears of those we love. All the potential good and inspiring things that we so DESPERATELY wanted to say in the moment to the one we loved, yet we missed the chance because our foolish fear and lack of courage stood in the way, blocking the blessing. Or we were apprehensive because if the words HAD been uttered on our lips or rendered on some pretty stationary with roses, would the recipient laugh at us and toss our heartfelt scrawlings into the trash bin? Would they broadcast to their circle how "weird" and outlandish our gesture was?

Nothing haunts us like the things we wish we'd said, when that person was standing there in front of us, right there in all their glory, waiting to hear our life-changing words that would mean so much. Or perhaps the hug we wish we'd given them and the "I LOVE YOU" that should've left our lips while they were still alive. THAT one is my biggest regret by far (Miss you so much, George Watson).

On this glorious September 28th, I wish you goodness and laughter, loving moments with those you hold dear. Keep shining bright, like that Autumn sunlight beaming through my curtains right now. Love yourself a little harder. Never let anyone steal your joy or cancel your biggest dreams.

Cheering for you always,

RR xo

The Importance of Legs!! Total knee replacement

 Dear Readers,

With the New Year now upon us, and the recent surgery I have survived, I wanted to share with you the importance of legs. 

Now, you might laugh or scoff at me, say I am silly or redundant. But the truth of the matter is this: legs are life and life is legs.

People around me declared with a big smile and filled me with hope, stating "oh, you'll be fine! Total knee replacement surgery? Piece of cake."

One guy named Bob who is 80 said "They had me up and walking right after surgery and I walked right out of that place."

Another woman in the euchre circle who my boyfriend knows at the Wednesday night card games said "You have Doctor Chhirba? Oh, he's great. You just take the pain meds for three days and you'll be good as new."

What this woman failed to tell me was her dosage of pain meds and what medication was it? Because 5 mg oxycodone gave me a fever, sinus headache, nausea and did not fight the pain. My nerve block apparatus catheter running into my thigh to stop the pain post-surgery had mal-functioned, causing DEBILITATING pain in my knee and entire leg. I experienced pain on a scale of 10 out of 10 and likened it to the intense agony of being in labor with my first child.

December 28th was the surgery and by December 29th I was in full-blown agony that I called the ambulance to take me late Friday night. By 12:51 a.m. December 30th I arrived at the ER to find only one doctor on duty and over 70 patients in the packed waiting room. Running on 26 hours no sleep, I was finally seen by Doctor Adam and sent home with a needle of morphine in my left bicep and prescription for 1 mg morphine pills. There WAS, after all, a God! Ten hours from signing in to the time we called an uber, my ever-patient and kind boyfriend helped me into the car and down the steps (OUCH!).

I've been housebound since Saturday morning, and that is just fine.

Brother James has been a massive help, bringing me water bottles, herbal tea, snacks, and a big red pail to empty my bladder in. "You should've had it by your bedside since day one. Why are you killing yourself running to the bathroom in the middle of the night with that walker? You could fall and hit your head!" His concern was justified and warmed my heart.

Seriously, I've struggled so hard to walk in the last few days. Yes, I am doing the physio exercises just like the book tells me to do, and the first physio appointment is January 5th, but still, the pain and stiffness feels like my knee and entire leg is locking up on me. I feel so helpless! So useless! The simple tasks I did every morning, like wash some dishes, scrub my coffee and tea mugs, prep the hot water with the kettle, and make breakfast for my partner and I...well it's annoying and aggravating that I have to be knocked down a few pegs and basically be stuck in my room 90 per cent of the time.

Icing the knee every hour or so, yes, that too. It works wonders when I start to feel that familiar twinge of pain coming back. It's a nagging ache, especially when I've been on my feet a few minutes and worse at night when I lie down to sleep finally. 

What has saved me? Morphine pills. Oh God, what a lifesaver. Also, the constant support of my partner, who just today ran errands about five times. My phone charger failed, so he ran to get me a new one at the corner store. I had a craving for those soft and yummy Voortman blueberry cookies, well he went out just before his euchre night at the Legion and got me cookies. An hour before that, he went to the pharmacy to pickup my re-filled prescription that my surgeon's office had faxed in today. 

Last night, my guy was wonderful and brought us home takeout dinner of delicious roasted sirloin, complete with a homemade beef vegetable soup. The side dishes were mashed potato and gravy and peas. I'm immensely grateful that God sent me an ideal partner who not only loves me, but has the kindness and willingness to take care of me when I am down and out.

Legs! So important! I want to emphasize how crucial and vital they are. It's not as though I took them for granted, but this experience has been such an eye-opener to what patients must have suffered through during recovery. I mean, what a MAJOR surgery! Total knee replacement. OUCH!

Being housebound isn't really all that bad. I can watch old re-runs of my favorite Chicago PD shows, catch a cheesy Hallmark Christmas film, black and white Perry Mason episodes, or to update my blog. Yes, I am missing my independence of just putting on shoes and painting the town for karaoke. But those days will come again. For now, I need to hydrate, eat, practice self-care and show myself SO MUCH GRACE and compassion for the limited mobility I am currently addressing.

Remember, if you've got legs, never take them for granted and always take good care of them. Your legs are your ticket to a better life, to countless adventures, taking you so many places you have never been before.

I sure hope you enjoyed my spiel and wish all my good readers a Very Happy New Year as you embark on your own exciting times ahead.

Cheers,

RR xo

LOVE POEM: Love is SAYING YES -- Even In The Hard Times

I LOVED YOU

long before I ever met you.

Long before I ever knew

the contours

of your face

Before I ever wrapped my arms

around your waist;

Before I ever Knew

what made you

laugh or cry,

scared or feel alone.

I loved you long before I said

YES!

YES

to your kisses

and comforting embrace

YES

to snuggling with you

and making love with you

YES

to spending the rest of my life

with you.

But what I am discovering lately

is this:

The funny thing about love

is that you have to

keep saying

YES.

YES

to trash night

and cleaning the bathroom.

YES

to sharing a bank account

and a mortgage.

YES

to long labors

and sleepless nights

YES

to unexpected losses

and missed opportunities

YES

to being vulnerable

and choosing to join each other

when we'd rather jump ship.

We have to say yes --

to all of it --

the happy and ecstatic moments

as well as the sad and mournful moments

We have to keep saying yes

year after year --

and sometimes

minute by minute!

We have to choose to say yes,

this moment,

this breath.

So on the day I stand

in front of family and friends,

I'll say yes to you --

in that moment,

with that breath,

and all the breaths

I am to have.

--LISA A. MCCROHAN--

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY - - GEORGE FREDERICK CHARLES WATSON!!!

 Dear Readers,

Today, on April 20th, I am honoring a VERY SPECIAL MAN who touched my heart with unspeakable joy, warmth, love and camaraderie. George Watson.

Though he passed away April 19, 2020, not a day goes by when I don't wake up in the morning and say "I love you, George." He left his mark on my life, left his tenderness and humor on my heart. People may pass on to the other realm, but they never REALLY leave us. They linger here in spirit, and I can feel George's spirit like the brush of a silk scarf on my shoulders, or the gentle stirring of an April breeze. Whenever I need comfort, he sends me signs, like a dime or nickel with the year for his passing or the year I first met him and his sweet wife, Mildred. Or a man will walk into a store randomly and the shopkeeper will say "George! Good to see you!" Little nudges like that, from spirit, are the things that make my hopeless like heart come alive, even on the gloomy days when I barely muster the courage to get out of bed. 

What is true love and genuine friendship? To me, it is the feeling of being ACCEPTED, SEEN and HEARD. Knowing that I can just be myself, in my own skin, and not have to modify any part of my conversations or put on a facade and pretend I am something I am not. True love is true acceptance, it is feeling a safety and security like nothing else. That is the kind of feeling I always felt from George. That he APPRECIATED me for me, and I didn't have to worry thay my life was not a fairy tale, that I was not a millionaire or drove a splashy car, nor had some big accolade on the wall in a gold frame or a status on a name card to boast about. No, I could be me, simple, loving, playful, quirky, creative, imaginative and sincere Rochelle. Simply me, as I am, as God made me, and that was enough for my friendship with George.

I never felt loved like that before. George had a way of lighting up a room when he walked in, of winning you over with those sparkling eyes and boisterous laugh. He was so damn lovable and REAL!!! Oh the ache I feel everyday, knowing I will never see him stroll up the hallway with his walker again. 

But I can carry him here in my heart, and remember the 17 months I shared with him, as his housekeeper and server in the lunch room at the senior's home. That is something NO ONE can ever steal away from me, not ever. My experience was real, I was loved and adored by that man, and it was not a fictional, made-up story, as some haters have tried to tarnish.

Right in front of his grown up sons in February 2020 in his apartment, when his wife passed, he said aloud about me "I wanna adopt her! She's a KEEPER!" His heartfelt boasting brought tears to my eyes, as I listened from the other room, where I was polishing a bathroom sink. I'd brought him butter pecan tarts and a pie with vanilla ice cream, and he was right in his glory.

Heartily, and with all my love and appreciation, a salute you, Georgy. Forever in my heart, always in my fond memories and warm thoughts.

With love,

Rochelle xo

LOVE MAKES ALL HARD HEARTS GENTLE

 Dear Readers,

I am sorry I have been silent for a while. The past nine months have been excruciating for me, dealing with a deeply personal loss, so my soul has been wretchedly and horribly broken. Many times, I could not even leave the house. Most days, I forced myself into the bath and to get dressed. I asked God to take me, since I'd lost my passion and purpose, no longer wanting to tred this earth without the ONE who calls to my heart. The physical separation with my twin flame (Divine Masculine) has been unbearable. I went through the Dark Night of the Soul, which feels like you've "died a thousand deaths." It also feels like your limb has been cut off and you're perpetually bleeding out, with no end in sight of the pain. I don't wish it on my worst enemy.

But spring is here, April is my birth month, and alas, renewal!

There are things to look forward to, and I feel like I am coming out of that deep depression and mourning. Yes, I have been mourning deeply. Wearing black. Telling the world how broken and sad I have felt. What is the difference between mourning and grieving? Well, MOURNING is the outward expression that you are grieving a loss. It is the expression of an experience of loss or time of grieving that follows a loved one's death or serious loss. Depression, confusion, even losing interest in friends and social activities can occur when someone is in mourning.

GRIEVING is simply the act of going through deep loss and sorrow, and it may be done in public or private, depending on the person's state of mind. It is the FEELINGS you are experiencing over your loss.

I have noticed something very profound in my grief story. No one understands it. I feel so alone at times. When I joined a church recently, hoping to find some like-minded females who've gone through loss and mourning, all I found was complete IGNORANCE and stupidity. They kept doing the spiritual by-passing of "give it to God" or "let me lay hands on you and pray for you." 

Well, that sort of ignorance and mean behavior doesn't work, people! Loss is loss, pain is pain. The person grieving has to go through ALL the stages of that loss, and then PROCESS everything they are feeling. How does one heal from their loss? They acknowledge what they are feeling, then they speak of it OUT LOUD, over and over, til they are sick of talking about it. Then, guess what? One day, you're sick of hearing about your own pain and depression. You somehow come out of the fog and make peace with it, and reach a point of ACCEPTANCE.

Those ignorant people in the church have NO CLUE what loss or grieving is. I was fuming mad, I walked out of there, and a woman in that church had the nerve to badger me with phone calls and texts even though I firmly stated "I won't be coming back." She doesn't get it. None of them do. They dismiss my pain and just say "turn your eyes upon Jesus and let him be the master of your life."

What does that even mean???? Shake my head. They are walking Bibles, quoting verses and statements and ideologies, just like robots, and they can't even FEEL what I am feeling. Hello, are you even HUMAN? Is there a brain in there or a heartbeat? I've never been so angry and furious over one group of people in my life.

Needless to say, my attempt of coming out of my tomb and trying to get a social life again just totally backfired. I realized, though raised in the Christian church my whole life, I am not at all your average garden variety "Christian." I don't fit into the box or the mold of what those sheeple expect me to be. They are just followers with no real thoughts or feelings of their own. They have to be brainwashed into believing something and then somehow that makes it the Gospel Truth? There is also the arrogance so many of them have when they look at me and preach "it must be God's will, not YOUR will."

How do you people even know what God's will is? Do you have a direct line to his mind? Or a USB cable to his thoughts? Are you so chosen and holy that he only speaks to this one group of people? It's pure insanity, the arrogance that has been shoved down my throat. I cannot be in their presence while I am grieving this loss and feeling this hurt. 

Sorry that I went off on a tangent there, but I feel this topic needed to be addressed. Being among that flock just triggered all my old childhood wounds of religious abuse and control at the hands of my sociopathic mother who shamed me and broke me down. The anger that I felt in that congregation just set my temper ablaze and I finally asked myself after four weeks of attending that place, WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE ANYWAY?

I wanted to add that the Jesus I know is a gentleman. He doesn't force people to do something or think a certain way. He asks in a gentle voice for you to come to him. 

Love makes all hard hearts gentle, so I've been told. LOVE is what I need right now, not petty judgments or opinions about what THEY think God's will is for my life. The most hurtful thing this church did to me was try and dismiss my love and grief for my Beloved, my Divine Masculine, who is no contact right now with me. "Is he a Believer? Does he know the Lord? Don't be unequally yoked."

What a load of crap! It isn't enough that they kick me while I am down, but to throw salt in my wounds and mock me too...I am outraged!

God's Will IS to have us together. We have a Divine Mission. My Divine Masculine is my soul's counterpart, created by God, for us to come together in UNION. He is the master of this divine plan, for my twin flame and I to experience a beautiful union and raise the vibration of the planet!!!!! 

Separation is necessary for the Ascension process. Both twins must work through their wounding, their past hurts, generational and ancestral pain and karmic ties. Once we heal on our own, we come back together, in a beautiful and sacred UNION that blesses both us and the world. I have finally surrendered this love and given it up to God, knowing and trusting that in perfect divine timing, my Beloved and I will be together at last. There will be holy matrimony. There will be BLISS. There will be laughter again. But most of all, there will be LOVE, so much love.

My desk calendar for April 12th bears a quote that I love (from a man named "George" no less. He was my twin's father, who loved and ADORED me as if I were his own flesh and blood).

The quote says "Love Makes All Hard Hearts Gentle." George Herbert.

I like to revel in this. To sit with it for awhile and let it fully sink in, knowing that my love is powerful enough to soften the hardened heart of my twin flame who is dealing with so much loss (his parents both passed) and dealing with over 32 years of an illness in his body. Soon, I will see the wonderful and blessed outcome of how my compassion for him has helped him heal. That in itself will be a glorious day. When he returns to me, finally, I will welcome my Divine Masculine WITH OPEN ARMS. Because he was made for me, by the pure hand of God, and WE were born of DIVINITY, of that Sacred Fire.

Til then,

dear readers,

I bid you adieu.

Much Love,

RR

A Heartfelt Thank You as the Year Closes: 2022 Goodbye to the pain and loss. Happy New Year 2023: Hello To Endless Love, Truth and Comfort

 Dear Readers,

I'm extending

a heartfelt thank you for being here during the worst year of my life. 2022 has been a total trainwreck, emotionally. Everything I could think of has gone wrong for me.

Just a quick kudos to all of you now.  For being a support and comfort, knowing you are reading my beautiful and love-filled blog entries. When I launched this blog on July 26, 2013, my main goal was to share stories, anecdotes and poetry. That has been the case all along. Fortunately, I have all of you to thank for joining me on this journey of love.

I want to say a special shout-out to my Loving Kenneth. He is the man who owns my heart; my Specific Person, the one who gives me hope daily, and whose voice is the most comforting thing I could ever hear after a long, strenuous day when I am weary and exhausted from the world. 

Kenneth -- a dream of a man, whom I'd never thought God would bring me after all the failings and heartache of the past. But here he is! Made just for me. In the words of my favorite jazz chanteuse Julie London: "And I Love Him."

He is far from perfect, but he is perfect for ME. He has flaws, yes he has scars, and he is human, oh so human. But this person is my Divine Masculine. I'm so deeply grateful for you, Sweet Man. I can't contain the joy within my heart for you. It's gushing forth with oceans and rivers of love. 

So as this tired, ragged old year draws to a close, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the inspiration (4 books now you have inspired!!!!!) in my novel career. I couldn't imagine doing life with anyone else. You're literally the other half of my soul. I love you beyond any measure. 

Thank you Kenneth. See you soon. Happy New Year, My Loving Man xoxox

With all my love forever,

RR xoxo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLU4vxW8kt0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jux3R2i3TpE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJeywenPMKM

NANOWRIMO 2022: Hit The Target 8 Days Early!!! 50,000 words: The Heart is a River(novel about BC floods) Beautiful British Columbia Fraser Valley

 Dear Readers:

I am so incredibly psyched to share with you tonight that at 8:28 P.M. EST, I completed my beautiful and inspiring Nanowrimo Project for 2022. The targeted timeline was for Nov 30th but I made it with eight days to spare! So happy and proud!!!

This one was a labor of love, inspired by the tragedy of the November 2021 B.C. floods in the Lower Mainland of British Columbia, specifically near Abbotsford. 

My heroine, Ria Brooke, lost her home when it was swept away down the river. She has spent the last six years rebuilding her home after the untimely death of her husband, John.

Now, devastated, and waiting on her insurance claim and browsing the rental homes, she is offered a place to stay by dear friends Bill and Laura Everly, who own a ranch and run the youth shelter, a nonprofit organization that provides food, clothes, and lodging for at risk youth. Ria was hired as an admin person at the shelter shortly before the floods came and washed her home away. She considers herself hugely blessed to have such a loving and supportive couple in her life, Bill and Laura, who brighten her days with their compassion, wit and laughter, not to mention, Laura's home cooking and hospitality.

Laura's other talent is matchmaking, and who better to set Ria up with an eligible bachelor type than Laura herself! She has her eyes on the ruggedly handsome older gentleman, a retiree, who volunteers twice a week at the shelter, using his truck to bring furniture to the youth. 

Keir Weston is tall, lanky and impossibly handsome, with his silvery mane and beard, his sultry voice and aloof demeanor. One look from Ria and sparks fly! The only problem is, Keir got badly burned by a bitter divorce two decades ago, and he's kept to himself and doesn't want to be tied down. He finds a kinship with the lovely, evolved woman, though, and feels a stirring in his heart that he thought he would never feel again, and decides to test the waters.

But Ria is vulnerable and scared. She's lost the one man she thought she had forever with, and now she lost her beloved home. Falling for Keir was not her mission, but she can't help but open her heart to the sexy silver fox who seems vulnerable and sad too, under his well-drawn facade.

When New Year's Eve comes, the big bash of the year is held at the Everly ranch, and Keir decides to show up out of the blue. Ria wants to spill her feelings and tell Keir that he is the only man for her, but will he accept her offer of love, or run for the hills and deny them both the love they both desperately need from one another?

The Heart Is a River is a story of hope, heart and healing. It's a passionate story of deep wounds and old hurts coming to the surface. But it is also the story of finding the courage to light the lamp for love just one more time.

I just know you are going to love this heart-tugging story.

Coming soon!!

Much love,

RR xo