It's been an emotional day, to say the least. This Oct 22 marks one year since my beautiful soulmate Trent and I met at SFO airport. That moment is forever etched in time, when my big teddy bear met me in that white limo and commenced the beginning of our timeless connection.
The last 4 and a half months have been draining on all levels. His sudden death shocked and riveted me to the core. Trying to crawl out of the dark hole of grief and despair is something that takes courage and will power. Day by day, it is manageable, yet still hard.
Everytime I landed, it was like "coming home." That fragrant Northern California air just hit my senses and beckoned to me. Seeing my Trent there, so happy, made it all perfect bliss. He brought a deep MEANING to my life that is unrivaled with anything I have ever felt. He brought more than meaning, but also a profound sense of who I was, and what I was BECOMING. Our meeting was instrumental to the entire context of my life.
Vacaville became a place I planned for my new home. I fell in love with the gorgeous landscape, the yellow hills, agriculture, and wonderful restaurants. We had our own favorite steakhouse, Cattlemen's in Dixon and our cherished Mexican place, too. The best guacamole in the world is at Pelayo's on East Monte Vista Avenue in Vacaville.
Trent was notorious for his generosity. He swept me off to Oakland on two occasions. One, in November to meet my jazz idol, Bobby Caldwell at Yoshi's. Later, in February to see the incomparable Oleta Adams. He was dripping with sentiment and romance. The man was a dream come true for me. Roses were sent numerous times, cards with beautiful words written from the heart, long phone calls that lasted from evening, well into dawn. Trent Gardner was and always will be..."MY ONE GREAT LOVE."
While others on this planet settle for mediocre love and TV dinners, I am proud and humbled to have experienced the gentle giant, the music man, and the kind-hearted soul who rocked my sleepy little small world and broke me wide open again, to LOVE...to FEEL...to let the floodgates explode. With huge risk came equally massive GAIN. But with that gain also came major LOSS. The loss of a physical being who is now dearly departed. I sit here in the dark, on a cold, windy October Saturday, candles flickering, as my fingers dance on the keys of the lovely red laptop he bought me "just because."
Not one single token of your love has ever been taken for granted, Trent. My only regret is that I didn't have more time with you on this earth. For that, I will be forever saddened. There was never enough time to show you and tell you all the things I hold in my heart for you.
I love you, Trent Rigel, now and forever. Not a single day will ever pass when I do not pay tribute to you, or raise a toast to our love.
God Bless You, My River. Til we meet again in the Sacramento Sky...